Emotional abuse

Marvel1

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

It's scary as he just doesn't see what he's doing as wrong.

The abuser never does and will not change, it will get worse.

fairy_lights

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

Last night it was hiding my mobile phone because I didn't appreciate him throwing water at my car from the window whilst I was waiting for him to come and walk the dog with me.

If my partner ever took my phone off me as punishment for not finding a practical joke funny you can bet I'd take the dog out for a walk and never come back.
He's not going to change - if a full grown adult thinks that kind of behaviour is normal and acceptable then they're not going to stop.

Lily-Rose_3

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

I'm actually the opposite. It's taken a while to adjust to the fact that I need to let someone else into my life. I went through the stage after hubby dying (5 years ago) of desperately wanting to be in any relationship.

Then I spent lots of time travelling and learning to love myself so being with someone is pretty new. It's scary as he just doesn't see what he's doing as wrong.

If this is the case then hun, I would end it ... As I said, I have known a number of people with partners like this (usually women,) and it never ends well. He will only get worse.

fairy_lights wrote: »

If my partner ever took my phone off me as punishment for not finding a practical joke funny you can bet I'd take the dog out for a walk and never come back.
He's not going to change - if a full grown adult thinks that kind of behaviour is normal and acceptable then they're not going to stop.

This. ^ :T

PeacefulWaters

It doesn't stop.

They don't change.

You start to justify how they are.

Then you just accept it.

Then you forget it's even happening and then, twenty years later, you realise that you adjusted your behaviour to accommodate them in a way that makes you half the person you once were. Anxious. Lacking confidence. Scared even. Stockholm syndrome.

Don't choose to live the life I did.

paddy's_mum

Has it yet dawned on you that even uttering such a threat is a criminal offence?

Where's the adoration in that?

AylesburyDuck

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Has it yet dawned on you that even uttering such a threat is a criminal offence?

Where's the adoration in that?

Surely if that were true the Police wouldnt always be critisised for saying they cant do anything untill a threat is carried out.
But agreed, no adoration at all, guys a man child.

Zeni

Have you actually had a proper sit down with him outside of an argument and explained that you don't like these things that he does? Obviously there is either some really awful humour on his part which is is not realising (and maybe once he realises you dont find it funny he's trying to cover being embarrassed about it) or he is just taking things waay to far. Me and my OH have lots of bad jokes but it depends on the tone of it and hows it said as we always know were joking. Do you honestly believe he's joking when he says stuff about burning your house down?
Hiding your phone is just odd though.
If he adores you enough he will have to change if it upsets you.

Mojisola

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

If I annoy my fiance by not accepting his 'jokes' all the time, I get told he will take his 'revenage' on me.

I was also told that if we split up then my house will be burnt down...

For now, could you please think about your relationship, or past experiences and tell me what you feel emotional abuse is and just how much you would tolerate.

None of it! The first time it happens you make it very clear that you won't accept that kind of behaviour in the relationship. If it happens a second or third time, he doesn't care what makes you uncomfortable and sad so why would you stay with him?

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

I went through the stage after hubby dying (5 years ago) of desperately wanting to be in any relationship.

Then I spent lots of time travelling and learning to love myself so being with someone is pretty new.

If you have been putting up with this behaviour for more than a couple of events, you don't love yourself enough yet.

If you respected and loved yourself, why would you let someone else behave like this?

Alikay

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

It's scary as he just doesn't see what he's doing as wrong.

Are you sure? I assume he's old enough to have seen other people conduct relationships, good and bad ones? And you've let him know you don't like it when he behaves unkindly and disrespectfully towards you ( the old "when you do/say X, it makes me feel Y" type of thing)?

Most adults who behave abusively are pretty certain that it's not OK...I think you're underestimating his nastiness.

Jox

Does he do anything nice for you?
You can't change him only yourself.
You either put up with it and accept it or walk away.
Good luck.