Emotional abuse

beckysbobbles1

Hi all,


I just wondered what people constitute as emotional abuse and at what point to do you stop accepting it and walk away.


Obviously there's a back story but it's far too long to type. I guess long story short is, no relationship is perfect. We all say negative things sometimes but what is too much?


If I annoy my fiance by not accepting his 'jokes' all the time, I get told he will take his 'revenage' on me. Last night it was hiding my mobile phone because I didn't appreciate him throwing water at my car from the window whilst I was waiting for him to come and walk the dog with me.


I was also told that if we split up then my house will be burnt down...


Now I'm no angel but I don't say things like this at all. I know the relationship isn't the healthiest but you can't help who you love.


I know everyone will tell me to walk away from it but I need to decide to do that in my own time.


For now, could you please think about your relationship, or past experiences and tell me what you feel emotional abuse is and just how much you would tolerate.


Thanks.

tea_lover

Read 'Living with the Dominator'.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Dominator-Pat-Craven/dp/1477410597

beckysbobbles1

tea_lover wrote: »

Read 'Living with the Dominator'.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Dominator-Pat-Craven/dp/1477410597[/QUOTE]


Sadly I've read this book before. My husband was like that until he completed suicide. It's been pretty crap for me.

tea_lover

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been through this before. I think often we can be our own worst enemies and repeat our mistakes, even if we do know full well that they were mistakes.

Do you want to continue this relationship (you don't need to answer that here of course). Other people can give you opinions and examples all day long but they can't make that decision for you.

Good luck, whatever you decide x.

beckysbobbles1

tea_lover wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been through this before. I think often we can be our own worst enemies and repeat our mistakes, even if we do know full well that they were mistakes.

Do you want to continue this relationship (you don't need to answer that here of course). Other people can give you opinions and examples all day long but they can't make that decision for you.

Good luck, whatever you decide x.

I really do want to continue the relationship. I just need him to see how bad his behaviour is.


I was hoping if I can give some other examples then he might start seeing it clearer.

AylesburyDuck

I think you have answered your own question OP, if it was acceptable to you ( and its only your opinion that counts) then you wouldnt be asking.
My opinion for what its worth, is that from what you've said he sounds toxic, and he'd be kicked to the curb.

Edit as cross posted.
How many women have tried to change their man and failed. This fails more often that it works.

tea_lover

You know it doesn't work like that. You can't change someone else's behaviour, only they can do that. You can change how you respond to it, and you change whether you stay in the situation or not. But one thing you can never do (believe me, I tried!) is change someone else.

That's not to say that people don't change, of course they can and do. But they have to have their own light bulb moment and make the changes by themselves.

Does he even see a problem with the way he behaves and speaks to you?

wannabe_sybil

Why should he see it clearer? He has it how he wants it - you do as you are told or else and suck up being his punchbag.

Why should he change?

goodwithsaving

You don't want to marry into that, do you?
If you are questioning it, your gut is telling you something.
Good luck x

Marvel1

How long will be it before it turns physical?

beckysbobbles1

No he doesn't see his behaviour as anything wrong. He is very good at blaming other people.


I admit I react badly to it. I shout, I get annoyed, I tell him to go away. It doesn't matter how I react, he will always do the opposite.


If I try and sit quietly, he will try and distract me. If I try and speak to him to sort things out, he tells me to leave him alone.


He is very immature. I've never dated someone younger than me before plus there's a cultural difference.


He is Italian. He seems to think the man is always right!


It's so difficult as he adores me so much and I genuinely think he doesn't want to lose me but he will if he doesn't change. I've told him that but it's in the heat of the moment so perhaps he doesn't believe me.