How to change stepson's surname?

Mojisola

Bossypants wrote: »

Personally I think you should start with what the boy wants (which several people have asked but you have not responded to), but that's just me...

If the name change has been talked about in front of him, he may give the answer he knows Mummy wants rather than his own opinion.

Bossypants

Mojisola wrote: »

If the name change has been talked about in front of him, he may give the answer he knows Mummy wants rather than his own opinion.

Also true, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be asked.

Just to be clear, when I say 'asked', I don't mean the literal question 'do you want to change your name, yes or no' or even worse 'Mummy and Stepdad think you should change your surname, what do you think?'. I mean a gentle, no-pressure conversation with just Mum that starts off 'what would you think about changing your surname one day?' and then listening quietly, possibly for an ongoing period, while he mulls it over.

Kids that age are cleverer than we give them credit for but they often need time and patience to formulate their thoughts.

Mojisola

Bossypants wrote: »

Also true, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be asked.

Just to be clear, when I say 'asked', I don't mean the literal question 'do you want to change your name, yes or no' or even worse 'Mummy and Stepdad think you should change your surname, what do you think?'. I mean a gentle, no-pressure conversation with just Mum that starts off 'what would you think about changing your surname one day?' and then listening quietly, possibly for an ongoing period, while he mulls it over.

Kids that age are cleverer than we give them credit for but they often need time and patience to formulate their thoughts.

I agree that he should be asked - whether he gets asked in the way you describe is another matter.

Kids are clever and they pick up signals from the adults around them about what's expected of them, even if it isn't said outright.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter because there is no legal way of changing the name without the father's agreement. (Unless there are exceptional circumstances).

FBaby

I don't think there is even a need to ask, it should just come down to the child stating that he would like his name changed, which is a likely possibility.

Savvy_Sue

And if the current surname is a problem, find ways to work around it, and work with the school to that end.

I'm thinking of a friend who uses the first four letters of their surname in their email address, and that's how I differentiate that person from all the others I know with that first name. The rest of the surname is long and difficult and has way too few vowels! although I THINK I can pronounce it almost right.

clairec79

When DH had his changed he was asked by a legal person (he thinks in was a judge but hey he was 9) - was in a chambers off the court and was asked - without any other adults being present to be sure if was his choice

IE why do you want the new name etc
Says it wasn't scary at all

clairec79

Mojisola wrote: »

Anyway, it doesn't really matter because there is no legal way of changing the name without the father's agreement.

You can, DH's father fought it (and lost)

seven-day-weekend

As someone here has already said, you are not, in fact, the boy's stepfather and I personally don't think you should even consider changing his name unless he himself has requested it and then only if his natural father agrees.

This is someone's identity we are talking about here.

Fosterdog

PaulMike wrote: »

How many really unpronounceable surnames have you come across in your life? Imaging living with one? Imagine being known at school only by the first name?

Although others have already answered, since this question was a direct response to my last post I thought I should also give an answer.

The actual number I have come across is too high for me to even count, we live in a very multicultural and diverse society.

I'm Welsh, what you would class as unpronounceable names and words are part of my native heritage and language, my own first name is Welsh and most non natives struggle to say or spell my name correctly. My surname is very pronounceable but not very common, I love having a more unique name its part of who I am. OH has a very common surname and I've said if we ever get married I'm keeping my own name, I don't want to be a Smith, Williams, Jones, Davies etc.

I live in an area that although attracts people from all walks of life has a particularly high population of Polish and Portuguese people and due to a nearby military facility a high Ghurka population. I deal with the general public on a daily basis as part of my job so I come across names that I struggle to pronounce or spell almost daily. If I really struggle I apologise, make every effort to get it right and even get them to try to pronounce my name so we can have a little laugh at our mutual lack of skills in each other language and a nod of understanding that neither of us are deliberately being rude but other languages can be difficult.

Your girlfriend's son doesn't have an unpronounceable name, he has a name that as he gets older is likely to prefer the uniqueness, he has a name that will set him apart from others when applying for job, meeting new people, impressing potential future partners, he will stand out from the crowd.

Guest101

clairec79 wrote: »

You can, DH's father fought it (and lost)

different times