How to change stepson's surname?

Fosterdog

OH's ex wife wants all of their children's surnames changed, OH is refusing. As the oldest two have turned 16 she has got them to change their names themselves by deed poll. Eldest is now 18 and wants to change back to her dads name and the name she grew up with and really regrets letting her mother convince her to change. 16 year old isn't bothered either way right now but she may regret it in a year or two. Youngest two are already saying they will refuse to change even when they are 16 since eldest regrets it.

Changing a child's name is like trying to change their identity. It shouldn't matter one bit whether or not they still have contact with one of their parents, their name is part of who they are.

clairec79

Just to put a different view out there - at this age my husband was in this situation (as a child) - he was asked and his name was changed (and he was adopted by his step father

He does say looking back it was because he wanted the same surname as the dog - he did as an adult at one point consider changing it again

Point is - ask the child theirs is the only opinion that matters

fairy_lights

PaulMike wrote: »

Me and partner are not married. We both would like son's surname to be changed.

What does your Stepson want though? I think that's the most important thing to consider.

fairy_lights

clairec79 wrote: »

He does say looking back it was because he wanted the same surname as the dog - he did as an adult at one point consider changing it again

Aww, that's lovely but hilarious :rotfl:

TonyMMM

If the child is 8, and the father is named on the birth registration, then he has parental responsibility automatically.

If he objects to the change, you won't be changing the child's name without getting a court order.

PaulMike

TonyMMM wrote: »

If the child is 8, and the father is named on the birth registration, then he has parental responsibility automatically.

If he objects to the change, you won't be changing the child's name without getting a court order.

Obviously, hence my question about the cost involved?

missbiggles1

Pollycat wrote: »

What is the reason for you and your partner wanting to change the child's name?

My Mum remarried when I was the age this child is - my biological Father never saw me and never contributed a penny to Mum for me - but I retained my surname.
IIRC, there was no thought about changing my name to that of my stepdad.

What would be the benefit for the child if his surname was changed?

I agree with the other posters who have queried which name you want the child to take - yours or his Mum's.

In that situation, some stepfathers adopt the child, in which case changing the surname is appropriate - otherwise, not.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

Changing a name is a big thing because it's not just about the name of X parent, but the identity he will have formed through it.

It wasn't because I wanted my dad's name (I did have a good relationship with him), but because I considered myself as Jane Father's Surname, not Jane Mother's Surname.

Fosterdog wrote: »

Changing a child's name is like trying to change their identity.

It shouldn't matter one bit whether or not they still have contact with one of their parents, their name is part of who they are.

I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiments expressed above.

PaulMike - your partner's son has been 'John Smith' for eight years - what benefit does he gain from adults around him deciding that he's now 'John Brown'?

If your partner is struggling with her son's name reminding her of her failed relationship, that's something for her as an adult to deal with - she shouldn't be trying to rewrite history by changing her son's identity.

PaulMike

Fosterdog wrote: »

Changing a child's name is like trying to change their identity. It shouldn't matter one bit whether or not they still have contact with one of their parents, their name is part of who they are.

How many really unpronounceable surnames have you come across in your life? Imaging living with one? Imagine being known at school only by the first name?

Mojisola

PaulMike wrote: »

My partner's son is 8 and has his dad's surname. His dad does not see him, sends (very) small maintenance payments, and does not support a change to his son's surname.

PaulMike wrote: »

How many really unpronounceable surnames have you come across in your life? Imaging living with one? Imagine being known at school only by the first name?

Is this one of those threads where more information gets drip-fed in until someone agrees with the OP?

If the actual surname was the main issue, why not say that in the first post? Not that it matters - unless everyone with parental responsibility agrees, it can't be done.

If you go ahead informally, it could cause all sorts of problems for your partner's son in the future.

There have been threads on here where the names of people's birth certificates, education and exam history, passports, NI numbers, etc don't match up because the PWC just started using a different surname for the child and there is no paper trail to prove that both names relate to the same person.