Children - and all the mess!

Mojisola

picklekin wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies, I was planning on keeping all the new toys away at first and let her just have her current ones that are familiar. I will box some up and put them in the garage. I'll have to try to keep strong and refuse any more. It's good to know people think she won't need many as my husband is worried she wont be stimulated enough without all these toys (as that's what sis it's saying).

The best stimulation for children is time spent with adults and other children. Sticking a new toy in their hands doesn't compare with a parent singing nursery rhymes, making eye contact and talking, repeating the sounds the baby is making and expanding them a little, etc.

Georgie - Maybe I am being silly, but I'm not so sure, she's said quite a few unkind things. I told her all this was really bothering me (in a serious voice) and she just laughed at me. I think she's being oddly competitive saying things like "you're going to have a good one [a child] and make me look bad" etc. She has a hard time with her two, but I've always been there for her. Not sure what to make of her currently though.

You may well be right about your sister. If she has struggled with her children and then seen your tidy house and easier life (from her point of view), she may be feeling a touch of glee at the idea of your life being turned upsidedown.

One thing though - if she has a hard time with her children, I wouldn't be taking seriously any parenting advice she gives to you.

enginesuck

exactly what she said ! I bet your sister envy's your ordered life and wants to throw a toy grenade in there ! Just get rid ! there's no reason for the house to become a pig sty just because there are small kids about, that's just an excuse for lazy people !

warby68

Sister sounds like she is struggling a bit with jealousy, competition and having her nose generally put out by someone else in the family having a baby.

Hopefully she'll get over it and share the joy

prosaver

Some toys have a under 3 years old warning on the packet and you wont see that with second hand toys, might be dangerous, chocking thing. Be careful

Georgiegirl256

picklekin wrote: »

Georgie - Maybe I am being silly, but I'm not so sure, she's said quite a few unkind things. I told her all this was really bothering me (in a serious voice) and she just laughed at me. I think she's being oddly competitive saying things like "you're going to have a good one [a child] and make me look bad" etc. She has a hard time with her two, but I've always been there for her. Not sure what to make of her currently though.

Ah, that's sheds abit more light onto why you're feeling like that. Like someone else said, it sounds like her nose as been put out of joint and she's viewing it as a threat perhaps?

Just enjoy your new baby daughter and do your best to ignore any snide remarks off your sister. Don't let her cloud this happy time for you all.

12_month_challenge

picklekin wrote: »

I am about to adopt a baby girl (9 months) in two weeks time.
my DD (oooh, first time I've typed that!)

Ahh this just melted my heart :A

Congratulations Picklekin and wishing lots of happy years ahead with her.
x

CRANKY40

picklekin wrote: »

my husband is worried she wont be stimulated enough without all these toys (as that's what sis it's saying).

Babies don't need that many toys. What she will need is you two. You stimulate her by playing with her, talking to her, laughing with her, singing to her, reading to her, taking her out in her pram and pointing out birds, dogs, cars.....just general chat - you get the idea.One of my pet hates is seeing someone with headphones in their ears pushing small children in prams without talking to the person in the pram.

Go through the bags and chuck the broken stuff first, then you can bring out the other toys a few at a time and see if any hold your daughter's interest.

TBagpuss

Babies don't need a lot of toys. I suspect that your sister is using this as an excuse to get rd of clutter and to feeel good about herself becuase she's being so "generous"

I'd suggest that you say to your sister something along the lines of "It's kind of you to think of us, but we already have wuite a bit of stuff for DD. Do you want to take these back, or are you happy for us to see whether there is anything that will work for DD striaght away, and donate the rest? We don't have space to store stuff that she's too young for at present"

That way, you are showing her some appreciatation (beacuse she is proabably motivated at least in part by wanting to give you stuff to use) but it also makes it clear that you are not committing to holding onto eveything for ever and that you will be getting rid of things which youdon't ned o which are not suitable.

Your daughter will benefit most from having your attention and from you talking to her and dong things with her. Toys are fun, but you don't ned huge numbers, and many small children will keep to a fairly small mumber of favourites anyway.

Congratulations and best wishes for you and you new family!

TBagpuss

hazyjo wrote: »

Huge congrats, btw. I was an adopted baby - grew up in a loving family and don't see them as anything other than my direct family. My parents always said they chose me, and I knew all my life. The kids I knew who were sat down and told later all had various issues. May be coincidence, and I'm not sure what they advise nowadays, but from personal experience, it was nice to always know.

Good luck

Jx

I belive that current advice is to let a child know. If it is something that they have 'always known' then it is never a shock or a surprise, they grow up (as you did) thinking it is perfectly normal and natural, and parents can gien them more information in an age appropriate way as and when they ask about their history.

I think discovering that there is some sort of secret and that your paretns aren't your parents in quite the way you thought they were is a shock for anyone, so being open avoids the child going through that

picklekin

Yes, we will tell her all about her past, obviously in an age appropriate way. She will come with a life story book currently written by our social workers and then added to by us. The scary part is when we go to meet the birth parents. I am doing it for our daughter, so she can have a connection between her past and our future (want to get a photo with the 4 of us), but I'm really dreading it.. *gulp*