Children - and all the mess!

picklekin

I am about to adopt a baby girl (9 months) in two weeks time. I am having a lot of anxiety over all the stuff that we've had to buy (not currently helped by lots of it still being in boxes in various stages of completion around the house).

This has been added to by my sister who has delivered 4 BIN BAGS full of old (often incomplete) toys! She told me last night she's managed to find another bag full, at this point I told her I thought we had enough toys.. and she laughed at me, saying that children needed all this and just get used to my house being "a tip" (her words). Added to this, my DD (oooh, first time I've typed that!) will come with loads of her OWN toys.

I'm really freaking out, I woke up in the night having a panic attack. I don't know if I'm just worried about things in general and my mind has found this to focus on but still, it's the mess that's foremost in my mind,

I realise my life will change, that I can't always have the tidy house I've had in the past but does it really have to be this bad? Does a 9 month old need 5 massive bags of toys? (and then some!). We bought a toy box for her room, and one for the lounge, but there is way more stuff than will go in both.

I'm trying not to be ungrateful to my sister, but it feels like she's enjoying my distress, a kind of "welcome to my pain" kinda thing.

Not really sure what I'm after posting here, maybe just having an "ARRG" moment,.

katglasgow

Sounds like too much all at once. Can you say to your sister nicely but firmly that you are feeling very overwhelmed and that you would appreciate it if she dudnt give you anything else for a few months?
There is very little 9 month olds actually "need" and you might want to make decisions for your own family when you feel ready.
Congratulations by the way - lovely news x

TeamPlum

Hi, first of all - chill out.

I imagine the stress of having a baby (congratulations) is manifesting itself in these thoughts of mess.

No, a 9 month old doesn't NEED that many toys, a box full of toys will do.

Donate what you don't want/need, keep what looks nice and teach her to tidy up after herself as she grows up and you'll be fine.

Caroline_a

Congratulations on your new little girl!

Firstly, children do not 'need' toys! Pack up any incomplete or broken toys and either return to sister or bin! A 9 month old is happy with a pan or a plastic container and a wooden spoon (the noise is a little irritating though!) She is very little to have lots of toys - they do tend to end up with lots by the time they are 5 or so, but there is no need to have more than, say, half a dozen when she is under a year.

Personally, I would say thanks sis, if you don't need these I'll take them to the charity shop.

Kynthia

Yes your house is going to be messy, but these things happen gradually and you'll have time to adjust slightly. Your DD might not be able to crawl yet so won't be able to do much. She also won't be able to play much yet so one box of age appropriate toys us fine.

I have an older child and wouldn't like multiple bags of incomplete toys tgat would all be too old for her yet. Stop your sister for now, hide them in the garage, and deal with them on gradually, but only when your daughter is tge right age for them. You might then realise she's given you some decent, expensive, popular toys that have saved you money.

Artytarty

Oh congratulations!
The problem is that mostly this chaos descends on you gradually but you've been thrown in a the deep end, it's all happening at once.
I agree, just put a selection of the stuff you're happy to have in the boxes.
You will probably be overwhelmed with gifts from friends too, clothes, toys etc. Just to warn you!
I reckon you are having the jitters in general, perfectly understandable.im the same about my daughters wedding coming up soon, I can't sleep and my mind is do using on stupid little details even though my rational side says get a grip!
You are at the start of a very exciting journey,met natural to feel a bit scared by it all.xx

fairy_lights

Sound like your sister just wanted an excuse to get rid of some of the old broken toys she had cluttering up her own house, and palming them off on you was easier than taking them to a charity shop.
Of course children make a mess but they don't need that many toys - four binbags full for a 9 month old is just ridiculous. Particularly as your daughter will arrive with her own toys, bombarding her with a mountain of junk when she's still adjusting to a new environment would be pretty overwhelming.

hazyjo

I think she was just emotionally attached to them and couldn't bring herself to throw them away.


I doubt she's ever gonna say 'show me all the toys I've given you', so just bin the broken/rubbish ones and keep the rest or give them to charity.


Try not to become too overwhelmed. You'll find you get a load more 'stuff' off others lol.


Huge congrats, btw. I was an adopted baby - grew up in a loving family and don't see them as anything other than my direct family. My parents always said they chose me, and I knew all my life. The kids I knew who were sat down and told later all had various issues. May be coincidence, and I'm not sure what they advise nowadays, but from personal experience, it was nice to always know.


Good luck


Jx

SailorSam

I had a mate, he had 2 daughters and a son. I must have known him about 10yrs when one day someone said something about adoption and he said both the girls were adopted. He just thought of them as his, and it was something he hadn't thought to mention.
Enjoy your little girl and whenever you're looking at the mess in the house remember what Erma Bombeck wrote ......... What would Christmas be without the sound of childrens laughter.

warby68

Congratulations OP

No, you don't (and probably never will) need all that

Just pick a few choice items out to show willing and stash (if sister is sensitive) or get rid (if she isn't)

Not sure if it was actually the nicest thing to do either lol ! Who passes on broken toys?

suki1964

Congratulations op

I think perhaps your sister is just getting you going

Children do make a mess, it's a fact of life They come with a myriad of things they need, changing bag, nappies, creams, bottles, etc etc it's like it's never ending, and it is a shock to the system

And for you the shock is going to be 10 fold as you haven't had the past 18 months to build up to this point

A 9 month old that's not walking doesn't need a lot of toys.

As for mess, it all depends on how organised you are. when I have the grandkids come and stay the house is messier as shoes and coats and whatever they had last is dropped at their feet, but I don't give two monkeys as long as they are safe, clean , fed, cared for and are having fun.

Housework is always going to be there if you want it, or it can be ignored

What I'm making a hash of saying is, you have the most prescious gift in the world coming in two weeks. Your life is never going to be the same. A bit of mess is no longer going to bother you

All the very best xx