Is it me ?

onomatopoeia99

There's no reason why you should cook every night, the fact that you start earlier and get home earlier does not mean you should also get the evening meal on. So don't. One night in two, or less if you're doing a lot more of other the stuff. Just sit down and relax until he gets home, then ask him what's for supper. Do that every night for a while and he may take notice.

Regarding housework. he may be like me, quite capable of living alone, cooking every evening and doing all the household chores (as I do) but not motivated by the sight of dirty dishes (etc.) to do anything about them straight away. So I load the dishwasher when there's a load (maybe three days) then run it. So you may be pre-empting his normal routine. Which is fine, as long as you agree some kind of division of jobs rather than doing them all off your own bat.

Please do not start using sex as a lever as some have advised, that's a direct route to destroying the relationship.

Finally, you need to do something about the commute. In the long term, this may involve moving somewhere else that gives you both a similar commute. Though I don't understand why you need to get up an hour and a quarter before leaving for work, especially if you shower in the evening. Up - shower - dressed - out only takes me 20 mins in the morning if I do it that way (I get up at 06.30 and leave at 07.00). .

.j.e.j wrote: »

Surprisingly, a lot of gamers are actually getting on a bit! :rotfl:
It's not just youths and teens, - a lot of men in their 40s and 50s spend hours playing computer games when they get in from work.

And women in their 40s and 50s as well. One of my closest friends is a 48 year old woman who plays loads of computer games, far more than me and i've been a gamer since the days of 3D monster maze on the ZX81

Izadora

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Up - shower - dressed - out only takes me 20 mins in the morning

I'm guessing you don't spend quite as long washing your hair or putting on your make up as I do...

onomatopoeia99

Izadora wrote: »

I'm guessing you don't spend quite as long washing your hair or putting on your make up as I do...

That's quite likely! :rotfl:

annandale

I think the fact that you are being pressured into having sex morning and night and getting grief when you can't when it's your period is the most concerning thing.

Sounds like a selfish person and I'd struggle to be with someone as selfish as that

ERICS_MUM

To be honest I just could not be bothered trying to make it work, I'd be off ! He won't change and I don't believe he is mature enough for a loving relationship.

Sorry to be so blunt, perhaps I'm too intolerant or impatient !

Good luck in resolving the issues.

EM x

wannabe_sybil

I would suggest to him that you may feel more like 'cuddles' when you have equal leisure time. Time how much leisure time he has, how much you have and say that the problem may be there.

Can I ask, do you pay into bills etc? Are you contributing to the house as well as maid/pa/dog walker and 'cuddles' on demand? Does he feel perhaps that a greater financial contribution lets him off some chores?

I suspect that the commute is the big thing, so perhaps if that is addressed you can sort something out.

meer53

You're living with a hormonal teenager. How old is your partner OP ?

Marvel1

Don't do his cooking or ironing.

UKTigerlily

Being blunt, but if you can't even say the word sex, as an adult, i'm not suprised you can't discuss where the problems lie with him!

He needs to be told that the housework etc is 50/50, someone said one walks the dog while the other cooks etc and that is spot on!

It's not just you, you are right to feel that way, but it'd be better to sort it with him and say what you each will do. He sounds like an overgrown teenager but then you're acting that way too x

dirty_magic

In all fairness, it's not always as simple as to say just don't do it on the cleaning front, because then you could just end up with both of you not doing it.

Different people have different ideas of what needs doing, so you'll end up giving in unless you're prepared to live in a house that isn't up to your standards. You could nag him all day about helping with the housework, but if he doesn't even notice that it needs to be done then he isn't going to do it.

I definitely wouldn't keep doing things that only impact him though. I'd stop making his sandwiches and doing his ironing.