My devil mother is seeking forgiveness before she dies!

Enterprise_1701C

Andrew Ryan 89, there really some really evil people around, my step mother was one of them, and I actually high-fived my daughter when I heard she had died because I hoped it meant I could mend the relationship with my father that she had destroyed.

Don't judge until you have experienced what that person is experiencing.

Andrew_Ryan_89

Apologies, posted deleted.

I actually see where you are coming from OP. Drinking the Vodka though, is that something you usually do to celebrate? Or was it drowning your sorrows in a way?

You don't have to forgive but part of me feels that if you don't acknowledge her, the hurt will eat you up more than at least acknowledging her.

I was bullied severely when I was younger (different situation I know). The main culprit, up until recently, I thought about him almost every day and wishing I could gouge his eyes out and put him in a wheelchair. I saw him recently and it was obvious that I was in a much better position than he was in life. He brought up the way he treated and there was no way I could forgive him. I just said Okay. The hate was still there but the rage was gone.

I'll say see her. Let her apologies, you don't have to accept it. Just see her, don't even have to say anything.

I only suggest that because your OP suggest you are not at peace nor will be once she is dead.

splishsplash

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I disagree, forgiveness is as good for you as it is for the person who needs forgiving. I doubt that you can move on without it.

I don't understand this opinion. Can you explain why?

AylesburyDuck

If it were me hypothetically speaking,
The creature that was called by mother had made her bed and layed in it, now the end is near she cannot tidy said bed up before she dies, it was made the way she made it, and is now not down to others to make her feel better about it.

Your thinking isnt immoral, its human, probably to act on it would, so no, dont make things worse, but dont ease them either.

Either ignore the letter, or maybe return it with a simple one word reply.

NO!

missbiggles1

splishsplash wrote: »

I don't understand this opinion. Can you explain why?

Sorry, I don't have time to write a proper reply but this pretty well says what I feel.

"Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.
Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life."

Tigsteroonie

Enid_H wrote: »

I want her to die knowing I hate her.

I think she already knows that.

Don't respond. Throw or keep the letter, that's up to you. And go and dance on her grave once she's gone.

tesuhoha

Don't forgive. Just tear the letter up and move on. Some rifts cannot be healed.

Ames

Someone gave her your address, so that person has come to terms with her past. Maybe you should speak to them about how they moved on? Not so that you can see her or forgive her, but just so that you can get rid of the rage and anger.

enthusiasticsaver

You only have three options really.

Tear up the letter and ignore it.
See the devil mother, confront her with how much she damaged you in your childhood and tell her you will never forgive her and do in fact hate her
Speak to her, acknowledge her apology and move on

Only you know how easy or beneficial it will be to you to do any of these options but I would say if you are having to down a half bottle of vodka to deal with this then you are still very damaged and may not be able to move on without doing one of the last two options above. Burying it again will not help your health. Inward anger and bitterness hurts the victim as much as the perpetrator so I don't think the second option will be useful as you may end up regretting this and there is no way back if she is dying. Think very hard when you are not under the influence.

Whatever you decide I hope you gain some peace in the end.

PlymouthMaid

Ignore her or send it back with a brief note telling her you do not want to meet and she is not forgiven. I don't get the forgiving will make you feel better stance either. I am sure she well deserves all the hate.