Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 2 - Groundhog Day

lcc86

Hope you're feeling a bit better today CCL, my diary isn't a barrel of laughs either atm so fear not, you're not alone! Hopefully the weekend will give you a chance to relax.

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks you two. I think I'm just boring myself at the moment with always being so tired. I seem to not be able to be bothered with anything. I had started wondering if I might be getting depressed but I genuinely don't think so. My can't-be-bothered is because I'm just tired. It's 9am, I've been up since 7 and I already feel as though I could nap...
Still didn't get much marking done so I brought books home to mark at some point. It's unlikely to be today as I'm out tutoring later and then my mam is having a housewarming tonight that I'll need to show my face to, even though I'm knackered.
Homemade Christmas is progressing. I am knitting a blanket for my dad, crocheting a bed throw for my sister and 3 mermaid tail blankets for various people. I'm also going to knit socks for dh and am crocheting a pair of slippers for bestie. It's coming along fine and I still really enjoy doing it (hence I don't think I'm depressed) but I'm not entirely sure I can make everything in time. We shall see...
I'll be back later with a progress report.

Buffythedebtslayer

I have been teaching for almost 16 years CCL, the tired feeling is a depressing aspect of the job and the longer you teach the sooner in the year the tiredness comes on.

I know that sounds awful but this is what I think or have kinda of worked out - you know when you know what something going to be like? - say a trip to the dentist? or a night out with your friends - so you have feelings you associate with those events? Well I think (mental as it sounds) that my body (and brain) associate feelings with work. So I used to start out the year feeling positive, excited and well prepared - I would spend the summer making plans, sows and resources and I loved it. And every year without fail I would arrive at school to be told I needed to do X Y and Z immediately and all the policies and expectations had changed........ok so I learnt that I couldn't really prepare, so I didn't. not to the same extent, I mean I used to laminate things

I think I will only last another 4 years in full time teaching - if that. I appreciate a lot of people reading this will think oh whinging teachers they get holidays and are well paid and to some extent that is true. However, it wears you down and each year, you know what is coming and you get that little bright bit in the summer where for a week or so you feel like yourself again and then it is back again fighting the tide of marking, reviews, training, observations, data deadlines,lesson planning, innovative ideas, displays, open evenings, open days, meetings, and this week I even had to hoover a cupboard.

And I bet a lot of people reading that will well I do all of that. That's called having a job. Unfortunately I have this other part of the job, where from 8 till 4 I have children in front me, real live people who can't be left alone, who need to be given meaningful work to do and must show progress.........each hour every hour. Even on my frees I end up dealing with kids. I have 35 minutes for lunch and one 10 minute break in the morning (normally both are used for detentions.

This year I took the approach, because of my cancer scare at Easter that I just wasn't going to work as hard and I am not, I missed deadlines and people just had to wait. World didn't end. However, my body seems to remember, I came home last night virtually passed out on the sofa.

I don't really know exactly what I am trying to say. Aside from don't feel bad for being tired. And fight the job. Don't let it take over. Look for short cuts, (kids to peer and self assess! and the TES for lessons) the job won't come to your funeral. And three weeks in a high pressure job you should be tired!!! I decided to work one weekend and take the other one off. Trying to mark a set of books a day and bring home my ks4 books only. At the moment I giving some one a lift in the morning so can't get in very early but am going to give that a go. I honestly don't know how you manage with having your own kids. Absolute respect to you.

xxxxx

Bobarella

Great post Buffy!!

12_month_challenge

Have to agree with Bobarella also

I work in a secondary school although not a teacher I can fully appreciate what Buffy has said.

I see teachers everyday working so hard, under constant pressure and still being constantly reminded about data,marking,deadlines, especially KS4 and unappreciative HODs and SLT. As if the job isn't hard enough.

I take my hat off to all teachers and think you are worth your weight in gold :A
x

crazy_cat_lady

Thanks all. I really appreciate the posts, and particularly what you have said Buffy. I'm just starting my 11th year of teaching. I can't ever remember not feeling refreshed after summer hols but this year I never hit the point of properly feeling like myself. Those books I brought home are sitting in my bag in the kitchen, still untouched. I got up this morning, still felt knackered and have done very little. Nothing workwise. I've washed up, put rubbish out, done 2 loads of washing and hoovered through, and I even found time to start an argument with dh over football training. Neither of us could be bothered to take ds, and I couldn't get him out of bed to do it so I started a rant of how unfair he was being still expecting me to be doing all of this and stomped off in a huff to take ds to football, only to find nobody else there at all. So I texted the group and asked what was going on and was told it wasn't on as nobody had said they were going! Seriously. When I then suggested that it should be on unless we heard otherwise, I was told we should be letting people know one way or the other if the boys are going to training. So I took a huff with the football team dads as well - although me and the manager have not been on good terms for a while now. It might be time for me to look for a new team for ds...
Mam's housewarming last night was both good and bad. Me and my sister spent the best quality time together that we've had for at least a couple of years. It was lovely - kind of felt like the old days. But it was also full of people of my mams generation telling me how tired and washed out I looked. So much so that I made my excuses and left early. Not really happy days at the moment, and just a waiting game to see what happens with the doctors and if there's any physical reason for feeling this carp or if I need to be thinking about an alternative career this late in life. :cool:

crazy_cat_lady

I am so fed up with myself today. Really. I woke up at half five this morning all chewed up about the football situation with ds. This was after going to bed later than I'd planned - so on top of the permanent tiredness I also had lack-of-sleep tiredness today as well. It's put me in a bit of a grump - no surprise.
It's bestie's birthday so I popped round to give her a card and some home made slippers. And boy did I have a good moan about football situation. I think that we've come to a conclusion that will let us move forward... a transfer. It's what would happen in the real world - she's as unhappy with the manager as I am and our boys are best friends so they'll leave together. I'm going to contact the big governor of the footy and find out how we can do that. I've persevered long enough now.
Other than that, all quiet really. Oh, apart from my PPI cheque arriving. I'm going to pay off the holiday for my 40th with it and put the rest away for emergency fund. Happy days

SpekySquarehead

Well done on the PPI cheque!! Happy days.

AspiringButAnxious

Did I really just read this: "or if I need to be thinking about an alternative career this late in life."?! I must have misread one of your earlier posts, because I thought it said you were coming up to 40 — perhaps it was actually 60 or 70?

Seriously, I don't know if a career change is right for you — only you can answer that — but you are not old. You will probably have to work for another 25-30 years, so you are not even halfway through your career. It's not late in life to be considering a change, especially if you cannot bear the prospect of continuing in teaching for the next 25+ years.

Having said that, a change needn't mean uprooting your career. There are plenty of options which would make use of your skills and experience — you just need to explore the options, if you decide you want a change. Again, you are the expert on what feels best for you. Maybe a completely different field is what you need; maybe you just need a different teaching job. Do some research and keep an open mind — there's no hurry to make a decision because you are NOT "late in life".

crazy_cat_lady

Oh ABA I feel like I'm about a hundred years old some days. I LOVE teaching. Every day there's at least one thing that makes me smile or laugh. It's just that some days are hard work, and I always feel like I'm dying under a stack of marking or paperwork that won't wait. I want to be a teacher, but I hate the admin and all of the accountability and backing things up with a paper trail etc. I suppose it's because there are so many people that take the mickey in life that it has to be that way, but for people like me who see no point in being anything other than honest...
I've had a busy day today and I'm absolutely exhausted again, but I feel more lively than I have at all since I went back to work after summer. Not sure why, but the day went by reasonably quickly and without too much fuss. Maybe it was the arrival of the PPI cheque - I finished work at 4 so I could get into town and pay it in to the bank so I can get my hands on it as soon as possible...
At the moment, work is having a real push on mental health and wellbeing, and I've been asked to be a mental health champion. :rotfl: I had to laugh - I said I'm the most stressed and miserable person in the place and not exactly a good advert for positive mental wellbeing. Apparently I cope better than I think I do, and they think that because I've spent so long dealing with mental health issues both of my own, and with dh then I'm a good 'go to' person for practical advice and dealing with mental health services. So I've agreed to do it, not that I'm entirely sure what I've let myself in for...