Finding the dating game so harsh!

Jamiesmum

Instead of feeling deflated just be glad you never had to meet these people if this is how they act. What a lucky escape.

Remember, we are all completely different people online. Don't rush it, it'll take a while before you meet someone who you actually click with.

Concentrate on you. Male or female, no one can love the real you until you love your true self. There are worse things in life than being single.

AndyBSG

Online dating is all about how you approach it.

I met my wife through POF but it was a long process!

First thing, you need to be a bit arrogant about it. Not in terms of arrogant to or on dates but arrogant in how you handle the rejections. Every time I get knocked back or stood up I just laughed it off knowing full well it was their loss not mine and they were the ones that should be lucky to date me not the other way round.

Once you get in that mindset the rejections become funny rather than demoralising.

The other thing I did was never go on a date expecting to find love. I went on all dates viewing them purely as a night out to meet someone outside my usual circle of friends and simply to have an interesting night with.

Over the course of about 15 months I went on over 30 dates. Of those i'd say two girls I liked but the feeling wasn't mutual, one girl I saw several times before it just kind of fizzled out, 2 were complete and epic disasters. The other 25 were simply good nights out with interesting people that saw me eating good food, watching good films, etc and I was quite happy for that.

I was stood up 3 times. I didn't take them personally because you don't know what has happened. Chances are they were already in a relationship and something happened, maybe it was their first online date and when push came to shove they were too nervous to go through with it. Maybe they just went on a date with someone else the night before and fell madly in love... You really can't take it personally.

mai_taylor

I met my husband through POF he was actually only the second date I went on but I was quite choosy before I went on a date with anyone and had to chat with them for quite a while before I'd meet up.

I just saw it as a bit of fun and tried not to take it too seriously.

kimplus8

I think it's certainly why they bail, I met 3 guys in 2 months that wanted to go on dates and with a little Facebook looking I could see they were already married or in a relationship. Either they want to get caught or they simply don't care.

Dill

If you're serious about it, it's probably worth paying for one of the better dating sites (eHarmony etc).

The free ones are likely to be populated by people with no money and plenty of time on their hands. Nuff said :cool:

Guest101

I must be traditional, I cant stand this internet dating malarkey.


Between work, social life and day to day - there must be hundreds of opportunities.


The problem with online dating, and society in general, is we expect everything to be 24/7 and available within 5 minutes.


Another poster said it, we forget behind the screen there's a person. But that person is talking to 5 other people and they're talking to 5 others etc etc.


What happened to getting butterflies, getting to know someone, etc.


- but that's just me

mai_taylor

Guest101 wrote: »

I must be traditional, I cant stand this internet dating malarkey.


Between work, social life and day to day - there must be hundreds of opportunities.


The problem with online dating, and society in general, is we expect everything to be 24/7 and available within 5 minutes.


Another poster said it, we forget behind the screen there's a person. But that person is talking to 5 other people and they're talking to 5 others etc etc.


What happened to getting butterflies, getting to know someone, etc.


- but that's just me

I'd have loved to have met someone that way but I'm quite shy, don't meet people through work and social life is with friends who all have partners so if I'd have done things the traditional way I'd probably still be single now instead of happily married.

Online dating is not a quick option it takes a lot of time and you need to put a lot of effort in to meet the right person.

loubie_lou

It took three years of weeding for me on POF, mow we're engaged. Don't lose hope, decent folk are on there!

jamiehelsinki

I'm just about single again after splitting with my wife. I think in general women are not used to rejection, it's usually the guy who makes the first move so faces rejection, women rarely have this problem, they get to do the rejecting. As a single guy I got used to it, it didn't bother me.

Last time I was single, i just seen it as a numbers game, if I asked 10 women out, a few would say yes, a few would say no.

I think everyone has a level looks wise though, when you have been single a while, you tend to know (I did as a guy anyway) who you have a chance with and who will give you a flat no, you always get the occasional person who wants to punch above their level though.

When your messaging men on the site are you being realistic with your expectations?
Would men of a similar standard looks wise approach you on a night out?

Do women often message men on there?
In my experience women might smile or make eye contact but very rarely made the first move.

Most men like the thrill of the chase, no chase makes it boring!

I might put a profile on there and see how I get on.

FredG

Guest101 wrote: »

I must be traditional, I cant stand this internet dating malarkey.


Between work, social life and day to day - there must be hundreds of opportunities.


The problem with online dating, and society in general, is we expect everything to be 24/7 and available within 5 minutes.


Another poster said it, we forget behind the screen there's a person. But that person is talking to 5 other people and they're talking to 5 others etc etc.


What happened to getting butterflies, getting to know someone, etc.


- but that's just me

I'm totally the same but I can see how it suits some people and also suits hectic, modern living. I just go around spouting my usual bluster of nonsense and occasional I get touched with a bargepole and asked out for a drink/food. It's all individual preference.