Finding the dating game so harsh!

breaking_free

It seems to me that both men and women bemoan the experience of Internet dating for the same reasons:

MEN: Photos were out of date. She turned out to be 3 dress sizes larger.
WOMEN: Photos were out of date. He had a full head of hair in the pictures but when he turned up he was bald and fat.

I think both genders are as bad as each other!

Of course people are going to put up the best pictures of themselves, and these might not represent what they truly look like (everyone's got that one 'really good' picture taken years ago right?)

I go by the adage 'Water finds its own level' i.e. most people will only date someone who is around the same level of attractiveness as themselves. That said, the last time I tried Internet dating I almost exclusively got messages from men in their 60s (and I'm mid 40s). I started out being very polite and explaining truthfully that I was looking for someone closer to my own age, hoping they'd get the hint and stop trying to chat up much younger women. By the time I'd gotten my 6th or 7th message from an oldie I was fed up; call me 'fussy' but I don't want to date someone old enough to be my father.

The last guy trotted out the old cliches 'Age is just a number' and 'You're only as young as you feel'. Because I was now thoroughly narked off I messaged him back with something like the following: 'I'm delighted you believe age is just a number because I showed your profile to my mother and she would love to meet you. I know the age gap of 20 years between her and yourself won't bother you at all as it is the same age gap between you and me, which you're clearly okay with. Can I get her to call you?'

You won't be surprised that he got very abusive so I reported him to the site moderators then blocked him. I really can't stand hypocrisy...

duchy

poorlittlefish wrote: »

That's a great plan, but unfortunately for me I live out in the sticks where there's nowhere to go to. What I do at least is arrange to meet somewhere in the city I work in (Cardiff) on an evening after work. I've had a few guys who live there asking me to meet them someplace there over the weekend, but no way am I going to risk driving an hour. If they're not prepared to meet somewhere halfway they can jog on because that tells me they want all the convenience and none of the effort.

Surely Cardiff has an active meet up or spice community. I've always found I meet suitable men when I'm "doing" rather than just sitting waiting for someone to come along.

Groups like meet up will have things like a trip to the cinema with a meal before or after, ten pin bowling, group meals out , none of which are scary and if you view it as broadening your social life rather than a man hunt , fun. First step is meet more people and broaden your options if they feel limited.

duchy

MONEYTREE wrote: »

When you are in your 40s and 50s you cannot rely on meeting someone in real life, and you can hardly go about approaching men and saying "I fancy you, are you single?" It would just look so desperate and would be incredibly embarrassing. 99 out of 100 would be unavailable, anyway.And so one turns to online dating, because at least one knows they are straight, and "looking".

Even in my twenties I preferred to get to know someone rather than marching up to someone and saying "I fancy you, are you single" so maybe if that worked for you back then you perhaps need a rethink of your approach lol

The fact they are looking is no guarantee they are single so maybe all that time wasted on line discovering they aren't single might be better spent just getting out more and broadening your social life in general and meeting more friends (as friends, have friends ,who also have friends they can introduce you to)

NWOIHTS

poorlittlefish wrote: »

To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!

Don't try to make any sense of it because it doesn't make sense. I could tell you stories until the cows come home about online dating. In fact the way I see it now is it's just an introduction medium. I don't look at it as dating anymore because you plan the dates after you meet them, and all going well move on and get into a relationship or at least serious dating.

From a guys perspective I must have emailed literally thousands of girls, about 99.999999999999999% don't reply and out of that 0.00000000001% that do reply about 99.999999999% of them will give you some coy silly reply. Of course I just ignore these.

And even if you get someone that seems genuine, knows kind of what they want and is interested they can start acting flaky and weird for no reason at all. I have been recently emailing a girl, about 30 emails later no less, who seemed really genuine and interested and was telling me all these things about her life what she's up to, talking about different things etc. then we had a quick first coffee meet up which went quite well. She actually said she wanted to spend a bit more time but I actually had to go as I was up really early that morning. Then after trying to arrange another date she said she forgot to tell me when she was available, after saying she'll let me know, and was sorry as she was really busy. However she kept on emailing me. So I've just ignored her.

Never assume anything and always try and get a date so you can suss the person out quickly. People can hide behind a mask when they are emailing, they might not be interested but just want to vent or talk, or want to be a friend. That's why I always try and set a coffee date as quick as possible. Most of them flake out when I do that, and that tells me their real intention.

MONEYTREE_2

NWOIHTS wrote: »

Don't try to make any sense of it because it doesn't make sense.

always try and get a date so you can suss the person out quickly.... try and set a coffee date as quick as possible. Most of them flake out when I do that, and that tells me their real intention.

I agree. About a week ago I suddenly had an embarrassment of riches - no less than five men all exchanging enthusiastic messages with me. However, when I started asking to meet, just for a cuppa and a chat, one by one the excuses came ... it's Xmas, they can't possibly make even an hour to meet me for that brief first meeting .... so much BS. A week on, and all have made their excuses and disappeared.

jamiehelsinki

NWOIHTS wrote: »

Don't try to make any sense of it because it doesn't make sense. I could tell you stories until the cows come home about online dating. In fact the way I see it now is it's just an introduction medium. I don't look at it as dating anymore because you plan the dates after you meet them, and all going well move on and get into a relationship or at least serious dating.

From a guys perspective I must have emailed literally thousands of girls, about 99.999999999999999% don't reply and out of that 0.00000000001% that do reply about 99.999999999% of them will give you some coy silly reply. Of course I just ignore these.

And even if you get someone that seems genuine, knows kind of what they want and is interested they can start acting flaky and weird for no reason at all. I have been recently emailing a girl, about 30 emails later no less, who seemed really genuine and interested and was telling me all these things about her life what she's up to, talking about different things etc. then we had a quick first coffee meet up which went quite well. She actually said she wanted to spend a bit more time but I actually had to go as I was up really early that morning. Then after trying to arrange another date she said she forgot to tell me when she was available, after saying she'll let me know, and was sorry as she was really busy. However she kept on emailing me. So I've just ignored her.

Never assume anything and always try and get a date so you can suss the person out quickly. People can hide behind a mask when they are emailing, they might not be interested but just want to vent or talk, or want to be a friend. That's why I always try and set a coffee date as quick as possible. Most of them flake out when I do that, and that tells me their real intention.

I think we must be messaging the same women!

Under the intentions heading there should be another heading "don't want to meet, just want to message".

I've also come across more than once on pof situations where you have a pair of friends on there both messaging you trying to catch you out.

I had a look at match, most profiles are very picky about what they want!

Barny1979

NWOIHTS wrote: »

Then after trying to arrange another date she said she forgot to tell me when she was available, after saying she'll let me know, and was sorry as she was really busy. However she kept on emailing me. So I've just ignored her.

Why weren't you proactive and ask her again when she's free to meet up? Or had you asked in one of your emails?