Nonsense 'stories' spouted by EAs in house descriptions

Pandilex

Reminds me of a flat I saw in (amusingly) Bath

"The master bedroom also features a bath located for your convenience."

Photo of a standalone bath by the window next to the double bed in the main bedroom.

timefortea

"Cranleigh" is also known locally as the 'Polar Bear house!' Having a row of polar bears peeping out of the front bay you cannot not notice this immense house and its accommodation is as superb as the bears themselves!

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-42952404.html

It's a row of teddy bears in the window.

AdrianC

timefortea wrote: »

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-42952404.html

It's a row of teddy bears in the window.

So the main selling point is something that the vendors are taking with 'em...

Actually, I can see the point of that. Anybody vaguely local might see the house and think "Oh, looks nice - which one is it...? Oh, right! It's that one..."

westernpromise

Had I the coding skills I would develop a gadget similar to the “Translate this page”? pop-up in Chrome when you surf to a page in a foreign language. This gadget would translate estate agent speak into English.

benefiting from: with
features (as verb): has
conveniently situated for: near
overlooking: by
local amenities: the park
good size: tiny
four bedrooms arranged over three floors: three bedrooms and a loft conversion
double bedroom: single bedroom
single bedroom: box room
office / reception room: garage conversion
south-facing garden: south-east facing garden
south-west-facing garden: north-west-facing garden
garden orientation not stated = north/north-east facing garden
quiet residential road: noisy road
residential road: arterial thoroughfare
convenient for the Tube: backs onto the line
convenient for Heathrow: under the flight path

Davesnave

"The substantial Gardens are mostly laid to lawn with well defined and attractive shrub borders and ARE TOTALLY PRIVATE. being surrounded in the rear by 3 or 4 metre high Castlewelllan Gold Conifer Hedges

Several other unique plantings can be regarded as "Unique Features" namely a beautiful PASSION FLOWER embedded in the rear Conifer hedge along with several very colourful "RAMBLING ROSES in the side conifer Hedge."

Nowhere does it say to whom these huge leylandii belong.

What's the betting its the neighbour, and these plantings were undertaken to annoy them by poking through at intervals?

Slinky

Clutterfree wrote: »

There is an extensive area of Strawberry Plants,guaranteeing Strawberries and Cream for Wimbledon!

I'm curious, is this some sort of wierd hybrid plant/cow combination which produces Strawberries and Cream, or is the agent planning on turning up every year with dairy products during Wimbledon fortnight?

LittleMax

Any of the properties marketed by this couple make me laugh. But my current favourite is this one, conveniently located near to Solihull, and the rest of the world!

Penelope_Penguin

LittleMax wrote: »

Any of the properties marketed by this couple make me laugh. But my current favourite is this one, conveniently located near to Solihull, and the rest of the world!

Good Lord "Mr Clark thinks.... Mrs Clark says ...." :eek: How patronising; would really put me off buying. What if Mrs has a car and Mr likes coffee?

nkkingston

Oh god, I missed the Mr and Mrs Clark bits. There's nothing like some good old fashioned old school sexual stereotyping to make me want to avoid the obligation of a cream aga and requirement to throw lavish dinner parties.