Nonsense 'stories' spouted by EAs in house descriptions

TBagpuss

bouicca21 wrote: »

Pedant that I am, I wonder how decking can be proud. But are we paying the price for the national curriculum? Have these EAs all been scarred by the 'persuasive writing' component?

I'm curious about the secents reach the children's stomachs. I'm pretty sure you don't have tastebuds or scent receptors there...

The trend in terrible essays doesn't seem to have spread to my local area yet but when my cousin and her family moved last year their agetn wanted them to write a 'why I love this house' it - it came with prompts such as
-"We were first attracted to the property because..."
- "It's great for children because..."

Their first draft (which they shared with family butdidn't submit to the agent) started "We were first attracted to this house by the fact it was literally the only property we could afford.
It's not really that great for children but apparently no-one will give a 6 or 8 year old a mortgage to get their own place so they are stuck here with us."

When they did manage to write somethign which they felt could be read by a normal person without gagging, they sent it off to the agetns, who carefully added several spelling errors and about half a ton of saccherine before posting it.

But it's quite an entertaining parlour game to try to come up with suitable descriptions...

AdrianC

TBagpuss wrote: »

Their first draft (which they shared with family but didn't submit to the agent) started "We were first attracted to this house by the fact it was literally the only property we could afford.
It's not really that great for children but apparently no-one will give a 6 or 8 year old a mortgage to get their own place so they are stuck here with us."

<splutter of laughter>

When they did manage to write somethign which they felt could be read by a normal person without gagging, they sent it off to the agetns, who carefully added several spelling errors and about half a ton of saccherine before posting it.

When we sold our last place, the agent's little booklet was literally just a few bullet points and some decent photos. That was fine with us. We made sure it was carefully proof-read, too, with a couple of clashes against their "house style"...

sam3103

Our initial estate agent was a fan of these type descriptions. We changed from them as the failed to market our house past the initial listing phase at all!
Here are some examples from their current listings:

Most people like sitting in the 'Sunny Patch' in their garden.... well if that's what you're looking for in a property look no further!! Sunny Patch is a detached two bedroom bungalow


Roses are red, violets are blue, I think we have just found the perfect 300 year old cottage for you! Introducing Rose Cottage.

For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow, and so say all of us” and I think you will all agree with us that Fellows Close is a jolly good home!

Game, Set and Match! Never mind centre court we're talking about Prescott Court, you could serve up an ace buying this superb link-detached 4 bedroom family home which truly has the Grand Slam appeal.

s the famous quote from Forrest Gump goes, Momma always said "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Well unlike the proverbial box of Thornton's I can tell you exactly what you get with 29 Thornton Road

Freecall

Billy Joel got it about right with his description of a 'real estate novelist'. There are frustrated writers out there who end up writing the flowery sales blurb at estate agents.

Now Paul is a real estate novelist
who never had time for a wife
and he's talking to Davy who's still in the navy
and probably will be for life.

Billy Joel – 1973
(From Piano Man)

I guess even estate agents have their dreams.

Clutterfree

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-35730111.html

There's so much spiel that I ended up skim reading...

Highlights:
Apparently their landing is so large, large enough for a double bed and sofa, an ideal to place to nod off reading the Sunday papers!

Outside they planted over 700 daffodil and tulip bulbs!
And their strawberry beds will guarantee strawberries for Wimbledon!

I think this was written by the owner rather than an EA.

Bossworld

Going against the grain here, but no worse than adverts full of BLOCK CAPITALS or a greengrocer's apostrophe.

Penelope_Penguin

Clutterfree wrote: »

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-35730111.html.

Why So Many Capital Letters In That Listing?

Bossworld wrote: »

Last edited by Bossworld; Today at 2:58 PM. Reason: Having doubts about the placement of apostrophes in relation to multiple greengrocers!.

Pass me a tissue to wipe spluttered coffee off my tablet, please :rotfl::rotfl:

Thanetia

Ward's down our way alway has their "What the owner says ...." setion on their adverts.

Banal doesn't begin to describe it. But an improvement on their love for property price "ranges" previously.

lincroft1710

Haart Estate Agents are renowned for their uninformative verbiage

marksoton

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

In my area (not UK), you often get so much information that you feel like you've lived in the house before you even see it!

You don't just get floor plans, you often get:

walkthrough videos
interactive 3D photo modeling so you can 'walk' through each room and look around 360 degrees
and 'Dolls House' views where you can rotate the whole house and look at it from different angles.

You look at all that and sometimes you don't even need to visit the house because you know everything about it online!

It is an amazing thing and it will only get better and spread everywhere. I'm suprised they don't do it in the UK yet but I guess the agent commission doesn't cover it.

Let me find some random examples ... Ooh, it's hard finding something you're not interested in, in a different town and listed with an agent who doesn't know your IP address!

Ok got one. It's a ghastly house but you get the idea. You click on the overlay circles on the floor or stairs to move forward and you get to the dolls' house plan by clicking on the little floor plan symbol.

https://my.matterport.com/show/?m=zbmWuQsd62D

Another one. I've actually been in this house because I knew someone who lived there, years back, and this also gives a good feeling of walking through that house.

https://my.matterport.com/show/?m=xjARHbAGQGD

That's actually quite impressive. Google street view for a house.

Far more useful than some fool spouting lyrical carp.