Nonsense 'stories' spouted by EAs in house descriptions

paddy's_mum

lincroft1710 wrote: »

It is not "close" to the A14, it's at least 30 miles. Peterborough station is 10 miles not 7. Painted with Dulux paint, so what? Clearly couldn't afford Farrow and Ball!

Yes, but if you read the estate agent's description more closely, it clearly states that the property has an "individual".

Whether that person mows the lawn, washes up, screams the neighbours awake at 4am or is available for (cough) personal massage services isn't made clear.

If all that came with the property, I might be persuaded to look into getting a mortgage. Mum and my three daughters might want to buy on equal terms with me!

[Deleted User]

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-42558090.html


"... Get ready to walk through the door to get that warm fuzzy feeling, avoid disappointment and call now ..."


Best hurry, it's only half a million quid .....

glasgowdan

Sleazy wrote: »

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-42558090.html


"... Get ready to walk through the door to get that warm fuzzy feeling, avoid disappointment and call now ..."


Best hurry, it's only half a million quid .....

Is the fuzzy feeling the kind that fizzles or pops once you get to know the neighbours?

Winter_Phoenix

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Yes, but if you read the estate agent's description more closely, it clearly states that the property has an "individual".

Whether that person mows the lawn, washes up, screams the neighbours awake at 4am or is available for (cough) personal massage services isn't made clear.

If all that came with the property, I might be persuaded to look into getting a mortgage. Mum and my three daughters might want to buy on equal terms with me!

Perhaps they mean that it has its own ghost...?

kilby_007

sam3103 wrote: »

Our initial estate agent was a fan of these type descriptions. We changed from them as the failed to market our house past the initial listing phase at all!
Here are some examples from their current listings:

Most people like sitting in the 'Sunny Patch' in their garden.... well if that's what you're looking for in a property look no further!! Sunny Patch is a detached two bedroom bungalow


Roses are red, violets are blue, I think we have just found the perfect 300 year old cottage for you! Introducing Rose Cottage.

For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow, and so say all of us” and I think you will all agree with us that Fellows Close is a jolly good home!

Game, Set and Match! Never mind centre court we're talking about Prescott Court, you could serve up an ace buying this superb link-detached 4 bedroom family home which truly has the Grand Slam appeal.

s the famous quote from Forrest Gump goes, Momma always said "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." Well unlike the proverbial box of Thornton's I can tell you exactly what you get with 29 Thornton Road

-- If Alan Partridge was an estate agent!

Prothet_of_Doom

There is no chain.

Liar, liar, your pants are on !!!!ing fire.

What there is, is : A divorcing couple who are having to sell 2 houses, one which was a buy to let, and one which was the marital home.
One of the couple is also buying a home, but needs to sell the marital home, to split the equity, with her ex husband, some of it being used to pay off the negative equity in the buy to let.
The house she is buying is in a chain, and she's refusing the sell the marital home, without having the new house to move into.

So the house we are buying which isn't in the chain, can't be sold to us yet because they don't have the cash to pay the building society back the money, which they won't have until all the other people in the other chain can move. So we are in a chain.

I wouldn't mind if they actually told the truth. I was in no rush, as it was an investment property.

StumpyPumpy

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Haart Estate Agents are renowned for their uninformative verbiage

A flat we we sold quite recently was within throwing distance of a Haart Estate Agent office, and was sold to us by the agent who occupied it before Haart bought them out. You can step out of their back door, walk 15 paces and be at the flat.

Even though it was the obvious choice, we didn't use them simply because of the stupid listings they create on Rightmove. Particularly annoying are the opening phrases like "A Builders Delight", "Fun For All The Family" and "Ready And Waiting To Enjoy" (These examples came from the first 3 current Haart listings in our area.)

Looking at the couple of neighbouring listings that were on around the same time as ours, none of them used Haart either. So, I wonder how many sales they miss out on because of their stupid listings? Or do they actually attract more than they lose? They certainly missed out from us, and it would have been the easiest job they have had in a while too - took less than 2 weeks to go from engaging EA to offer at full price.

SP

Contessa

Clutterfree wrote: »

What does it matter when you've got 700 tulips and daffs to look at?!

But what do you look at when it's not Spring?

Clutterfree

Contessa wrote: »

But what do you look at when it's not Spring?

Take your pick...

Outside -

The substantial Gardens are mostly laid to lawn with well defined and attractive shrub borders and ARE TOTALLY PRIVATE. being surrounded in the rear by 3 or 4 metre high Castlewelllan Gold Conifer Hedges and at the front by a 2 metre high Stamford Stone Wall
This year has newly planted Daffodil and Tulips numbering approximately 700 in total in addition to numerous Primula and primrose plants.

There is an extensive area of Strawberry Plants,guaranteeing Strawberries and Cream for Wimbledon!

Two feature trees are well tended (one being a beautiful fruiting Mountain Ash (which is surrounded by a Circular Paved Border, whilst the other is a tall Flowering Ornamental Cherry set into a prolific bed of Spring / Summer Annual Flowering colour orientated Flowers.

Several other unique plantings can be regarded as "Unique Features" namely a beautiful PASSION FLOWER embedded in the rear Conifer hedge along with several very colourful "RAMBLING ROSES in the side conifer Hedge.

The rear garden contains a good size pond and has attracted Spotted Newts, Frogs and Toads (along with numerous birds just dropping in for a drink)!

Lastly, a 3 metre high Dove Cote was built in the rear Garden, close to the pond and has a resident pair of WHITE DOVES (who last year produced a couple of sets of TWINS), all of whom are hand tame and feed readily from humans they know and trust!



I inserted the paragraphs for ease of reading!

AdrianC

Clutterfree wrote: »

being surrounded in the rear by 3 or 4 metre high Castlewelllan Gold Conifer Hedges

Leylandii. With a marketing department.

There is an extensive area of Strawberry Plants,guaranteeing Strawberries and Cream for Wimbledon!

"Guarantee" is a strong word. Can we see the Ts & Cs for that?

Several other unique plantings can be regarded as "Unique Features" namely a beautiful PASSION FLOWER embedded in the rear Conifer hedge along with several very colourful "RAMBLING ROSES in the side conifer Hedge.

I don't think they quite understand the meaning of the word "unique", no matter how many times they use it.