Urgent advice needed re: lodger

melanzana

OMG, has his mother no shame at all?

Does she not realise that her son has scammed you left right and centre? And she washes her hands of it and says "he's an adult", his problem...

Some friend she is.

No shame or accountability. I think you did this lodger thing because she asked you? Maybe I am wrong about that. If so sorry.

elsien

Sorry, but I'm with his mother on this one. He's an adult, she's not responsible for his debts and if she pays these off for him that sets up all sorts of expectations for the future. Old friend or not, he has to take responsibility for himself.

You often see see posters on these boards getting stick for bailing out their kids time and time again - this is no different.

Person_one

elsien wrote: »

Sorry, but I'm with his mother on this one. He's an adult, she's not responsible for his debts and if she pays these off for him that sets up all sorts of expectations for the future. Old friend or not, he has to take responsibility for himself.

I'd agree with you if it weren't for the fact that this was done as a favour to the mother, so presumably she approached the OP and asked them to take her son in. In that situation, if it were me, I'd feel responsible.

melanzana

elsien wrote: »

Sorry, but I'm with his mother on this one. He's an adult, she's not responsible for his debts and if she pays these off for him that sets up all sorts of expectations for the future. Old friend or not, he has to take responsibility for himself.

Fair enough, but OP may have taken said Lodger in because she knew and was friends with mother.

There is some accountability from mother there surely to her "friend"..

Sad to see that friends who get a favour abdicate responsibility once money is an issue.

djdust

Person_one wrote: »

I'd agree with you if it weren't for the fact that this was done as a favour to the mother, so presumably she approached the OP and asked them to take her son in. In that situation, if it were me, I'd feel responsible.

That's not true at all, I've no idea how people are coming to that conclusion simply because I mentioned in my opening post that he was the son of an old friend. 2 + 2 =/= 5.

SnooksNJ

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree. If I was the mother, that's what I would do.

That's what normal people would do. Because a normal person would be mortified by their child ripping off an old family friend and not try to excuse the behavior by bringing up he didn't like the OP's "nagging".

melanzana

Don't understand why this person could not live with Mother.

OP said he moved back with mother at 24 hours notice.

Something not right there with this. Maybe OP could clarify the circumstances.

djdust

melanzana wrote: »

Don't understand why this person could not live with Mother.

Something not right there with this. Maybe OP could clarify the circumstances.

I'll repeat post #60 I made above...

djdust wrote: »

Actually he was lodging with me because it had something to do with the fact that if he was living at home just before going to Uni he got a smaller grant or less preferential treatment for something or other. Not entirely sure what, he never really explained. Anyone got any idea what it could be..?

melanzana wrote: »

OP said he moved back with mother at 24 hours notice.

Yep, that was when I started really nagging him about his unpaid rent. I assume by this point that he'd lived here long enough to sort whatever paperwork needed sorting in his favour...

melanzana

Ok, I know this is stressful for OP.

Gather his stuff for collection, change the locks, take the hit, and move on.

Only way.

Will you stay friends with Mother? I wouldn't, no added value there!

missbiggles1

djdust wrote: »

Actually he was lodging with me because it had something to do with the fact that if he was living at home just before going to Uni he got a smaller grant or less preferential treatment for something or other. Not entirely sure what, he never really explained. Anyone got any idea what it could be..?

Well, he could be claiming to be from estranged from his family and so an independent student, in which case the power's in your hands to report this. Neither does it reflect favourably on your old friend, his mother.

ETA
How old is he?