would you send someone's present 2 months after their birthday?

olgadapolga

No, I wouldn't wait a couple of months after someone's birthday to give them their gift. That's not nice and is as if their birthday doesn't matter. Although having said that, I wouldn't be bothered if someone sent me something a couple of months late as I have long since ceased to care about my birthday!

The MIL used to do this to my children. Birthdays in November, December and January. MIL used to wait until January to send the children their gifts, probably because her "favourite" grandchild's birthday was in Janaury; she always sent an expensive present for this child and some cheap pretty meaningless stuff for the other two, (just for appearance's sake). Well, that's what she did until my youngest son, at the age of six, asked why she had sent a gift ten weeks late as his birthday had been and gone. I was mortified but as it was a telephone call there was little I could do to stop him saying it. Ooops. MIL hasn't sent anything since.

Peter333

olgadapolga wrote: »

No, I wouldn't wait a couple of months after someone's birthday to give them their gift. That's not nice and is as if their birthday doesn't matter. Although having said that, I wouldn't be bothered if someone sent me something a couple of months late as I have long since ceased to care about my birthday!

The MIL used to do this to my children. Birthdays in November, December and January. MIL used to wait until January to send the children their gifts, probably because her "favourite" grandchild's birthday was in January; she always sent an expensive present for this child and some cheap pretty meaningless stuff for the other two, (just for appearance's sake). Well, that's what she did until my youngest son, at the age of six, asked why she had sent a gift ten weeks late as his birthday had been and gone. I was mortified but as it was a telephone call there was little I could do to stop him saying it. Ooops. MIL hasn't sent anything since.

Exactly! I can't believe so many people claim to be OK with having gifts 1-2 months late. Yessss, maybe if someone is 100s of miles away, and they text or ring you on your birthday, and say they will bring your gift a month later when they come back your town. That's Ok now and again. As at least they haven't forgot or just not been bothered.

But if it's a 'repeat offender' so to speak, who just continually sends a gift or card weeks and weeks late, or 'forgets,' or doesn't bother at all, then that's not on IMO.

I don't sent gifts late - ever. Neither does my wife. And I expect the same courtesy back. People know my birthdate, AND my wife's AND my kids, and so a gift being late, especially from someone who lives 3 miles away is an afterthought, and it's rude.

And as for your experience, where one child is treated differently to the other; that's awful! Especially if a child starts noticing it!

Becles

I either try and send presents that are cheap to post (that they will like!) or pass them on in advance.

Sister-in-law's birthday is in February and they always come to visit over Christmas/New Year. I give her present to my brother to give to her on her birthday to save posting it otherwise she wouldn't get it until Easter.

They were also up during May week. They let my nephew (early June birthday) open his presents from us early. I gave them presents for my niece to take away and give to her later in July for her birthday.

*max*

Peter333 wrote: »

There is no one-size-fits-all for this, and it's very unfair for someone to say it's petty and uptight or childish for someone to get offended!

Where do people get off insulting and berating people who think differently to them, and who feel differently to them? It's very rude. This is happening quite a bit on here just lately.

Upshot is; if it was my birthday - say on 15th August - and someone who lived far away informed me they were coming down to my village in mid September, and would give me my gift then; I would be OK with it. But if they didn't say anything, and just turned up with it a month late, (or 2 months late!) it would put me under the impression that they couldn't be bothered, and it was an afterthought.

Also, I have known several people in the past who continually give cards and gifts 2 to 6 weeks late; but when it's done to them, they kick off. So as long as the person in question - who brings the gifts 2 months late - is OK with *their* gifts being just as late, then fine. Send them late. If you don't like YOURS late, then don't send gifts to others late!

If it's someone who lives closeby, and the gift is a month or two late, then that's an insult, as there's no excuse. and I re-iterate, they better be OK with it, if people send their stuff late too.

I also don't see why I should be so grateful to get a gift because I'm an adult.

See, that last sentence there? That's the upshot. I am always grateful to get a gift, no matter if it's late, no matter who it's from, no matter what it is. I never expect it, that's the point. But I'm always grateful someone went out of their way to get me a present. And in my opinion getting offended because someone gives you a present late for any occasion, is petty and uptight.

Peter333

*max* wrote: »

See, that last sentence there? That's the upshot. I am always grateful to get a gift, no matter if it's late, no matter who it's from, no matter what it is. I never expect it, that's the point. But I'm always grateful someone went out of their way to get me a present. And in my opinion getting offended because someone gives you a present late for any occasion, is petty and uptight.

You have completely taken my sentence out of context. I meant I don't understand why people should be more grateful to receive presents as an adult, compared to when they were children.

Perhaps I didn't word it well. I made it sound as if I am not grateful for gifts, and I am. But not if it's a month or two late for no reason! I don't send gifts late, and if others do, it shows (IMO - and as someone said earlier; ) that they don't care that much about you.

YOU have YOUR views and I have MINE. And neither are right or wrong. But I certainly don't think it's petty or 'uptight' to be annoyed at a gift being a month late. If you are OK with it, then good for you! :T Doesn't mean others have no right to be annoyed by it. Especially if they make lots of effort to get gifts and cards to people on time!

As I didn't explain myself well, and you focused on that one sentence ONLY, and didn't refer to ANYTHING else I said in my post, I am removing the sentence.

pigpen

Peter333 wrote: »

I meant I don't understand why people are more grateful to receive presents as an adult, compared to when they were children.

because children get presents more often?
because children know birthdays = presents because everyone asks them what they want they expect to get them.. not through ingratitude but because they are told to.
because as an adult you don't have that expectancy built up
as an adult you rarely get gifts so when you do it is special. Noone ever just comes round and says 'I saw this and thought you'd like it so here you go... but they do that with the children.. OH's mum brought them knitted dollies last week.. and fruit (which they preferred tbh) .. but neither OH nor I got anything.. that's how it is.

Children soon learn who brings gifts and I have had to ask 2 family members to not bring gifts every time because I want them to be pleased to see the person and not ask 'what have you brought this time?'

I hated getting gifts as a child.. I got all embarrassed and self conscious when watched as I opened them.. now I love receiving gifts though I prefer to open them privately still.

Torry_Quine

pigpen wrote: »

because children get presents more often?
because children know birthdays = presents because everyone asks them what they want they expect to get them.. not through ingratitude but because they are told to.
because as an adult you don't have that expectancy built up
as an adult you rarely get gifts so when you do it is special. Noone ever just comes round and says 'I saw this and thought you'd like it so here you go... but they do that with the children.. OH's mum brought them knitted dollies last week.. and fruit (which they preferred tbh) .. but neither OH nor I got anything.. that's how it is.

Children soon learn who brings gifts and I have had to ask 2 family members to not bring gifts every time because I want them to be pleased to see the person and not ask 'what have you brought this time?'

I hated getting gifts as a child.. I got all embarrassed and self conscious when watched as I opened them.. now I love receiving gifts though I prefer to open them privately still.

I give and receive presents 'just because' if I see something and its a long time till Christmas or their birthday.

Jagraf

I'm amazed how many adults still expect birthday presents - it surely isn't important is it? In the whole scheme of things do we really want peopje to spend half a day of their time and two ir three hours of their salary buying us something? Do we really see ourselves as tgat important?

Being in the past in such financial difficulty presents for family were a major stress for me. I just couldn't afford them. No one knows other peoples financial situations - maybe people just can't afford it at that monent in time.

It reminds me of kids in a sweet shop asking for stuff. Some adults just need to grow up.

Jagraf

Slinky wrote: »

Not bothered about receiving gifts late, but most years OH and I go on holiday for our respective birthdays. His family know when we are going away, does it ever occur to them to send cards early so we can take them with us to open on the day? Nope, they're lying on the mat when we get home. There's something slightly sad/pointless, about opening cards late which could have been opened on your birthday if only they'd been posted a week earlier.

But it's you who changes the plans. If you went away after your birthday you would probably have more cards to open. How can you blame others for your actions

catkins

It's quite normal in my family to give birthday presents late. I see one of my siblings regularly as we live close by but it's become a bit of a tradition that presents are given when all the family get together which doesn't happen that often.

It was my sibling that lives close birthday in February but I haven't given my present yet. Family should be getting together next month so I will give him my present then. I will also be getting my birthday presents (my birthday was in May).

We all get together at Christmas so sometimes birthday presents are given then along with Christmas presents.

Jagraf wrote: »

But it's you who changes the plans. If you went away after your birthday you would probably have more cards to open. How can you blame others for your actions

Me and OH often go away for our respective birthdays and also our wedding anniversary. All my family and friends manage to send cards so we get them before we go