Having a B list at a wedding

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

I might, depending on the relationship, but I wouldn't feel obliged to spend loads on a present, outfit etc.

I can easily see a situation where a couple feel obliged to invite 50 cousins, but are secretly pleased when 10 RSVP no and make room for a few less close friends/colleagues/birdwatching club members who would otherwise have evening invites!

I guess my problem is not being able to understand being obliged to invite anybody just because they are related to me.:)
I guess it's just because we're not a close family.
I only met my cousins' adult children for the first time recently at a family funeral.

tea_lover

Pollycat wrote: »

I really meant would you want to go to a wedding if you knew you were only invited because somebody else had declined and the bride & groom had a space to fill.

I did a few weeks ago, and have done previously too. In this case the couple were friends that had moved away (wedding was local to me, where they used to live and where their families are). Initially we were invited for the evening, they called a couple of days before and asked if we'd like to go all day as a cousin could no longer make it.

Not a problem at all. They prioritised family over friends they didn't see too much (due to geography) anymore - makes perfect sense. We weren't offended in the slightest - happy to have been invited as evening guests, happy that they thought of us when the daytime space became available.

Andypandyboy

I think to send save the date cards out then not follow up with an invitation is very rude. I have never heard of that before. People may just think their invite was lost in the post and contact you anyway.

As for filling spaces. I know of several weddings where that has happened. If you are not close friends or family, obviously you are further down the pecking order. If spaces open up due to people not being able to attend after final numbers have gone in, I see no problem with bumping others up. The food will already have been paid for so why not .let someone else take the place. I wouldn't be offended.

TBagpuss

Pollycat wrote: »

I really meant would you want to go to a wedding if you knew you were only invited because somebody else had declined and the bride & groom had a space to fill.

Usually, no, but it would depend on circumstances.
For example, when my closest friend's sister got married, I was invited to the evening reception, as each of the bride's sisters got one guest. I then got a last minute invitation to the main reception. I wasn't offended, because in that situation I never had any expectation of being 'A' list - and I accepted the original invitation simply because my friend was keen for me to be there, and equally was happy to showup earlier than planned becuase she asked me to.

The other case where I would not have been offended (although in that case it ididn't happen) was when a diferent friend got married. She has a huge and very complicated family (lots and lots of half siblings, steo-siblings, step parentsetc) and a relatively small venue, all of which I knew. We had talked about the wedding and I knew hat there were very few non-family guests. If she had invted me at the last minute I would have probably accepted if I could, because I liked her and her fiance a lot, and becuase I would have known that it wasn't the case of making up the numbers, but of genuinely wanting me there but not being able to include me initially.

So for me, both of those scenarios would come under the heading of 'techinically not polite, but accceptable becasue of the specific relationships and personalities concerned' I think it does come down to the relationship you have with the people concerned.

I did once get a last minute invitation to a colleague's reception - I didn't accept; we were not close, she had invited the whole (admittedly small) office to the evening do and I'd accepted that mostly out of duty, I didn't have any wish to go to an afternoon reception as well and didn't have any sense that she actually wanted me-as-me there, she was just filling gaps.

Pollycat

I think as we dislike parties in general we'd try to get out of an invitation in any way we could.

I can see the logic in the scenarios put forward by the last few posters in deciding to accept a late invite though.