Having a B list at a wedding

Pearl_Necklace

tea_lover wrote: »

Why anyone would get into debt over a wedding is completely beyond me.

Really? I'm sure loads do.

By the time you've factored in hen weekends abroad, ditto stag do's, then the princess-for-a-day wedding, you're probably talking £thousands.

It's madness but it's expected now.

Hermia

I think if you really can't afford to have these people there you need to actually phone them up and explain and apologise. If I had received a 'save the date' I would have assumed the person wanted me there and booked time off and bought a present etc.

You say you regret inviting a few people. Could you really not afford to invite a few people?

hazyjo

I would definitely invite everyone I sent a save the date card. Rude not to.


Cut back elsewhere. I'm sure you can make up the cost of two extra people.


Jx

Person_one

There's a lot of 'I' in your post considering its about a wedding!

Very very rude to send a save the date and then no invitation.

If you don't mind being very very rude then nobody will force you to invite them. I presume at some point you cared about them though so you might want to consider the consequences for friendships/relationships in the future.

pigpen

We got a 'save the date' and then no invite to the actual wedding just the evening do... I was rather miffed tbh .. I'd sorted clothes for myself and the 3 girls.. In the end only OH went.

If you told them to save the date you should invite them to avoid offence, it is incredibly rude... though getting into debt for a wedding is incredibly silly... noone notices anything other than how crap the music is, the dress, the food and maybe the speeches..

BrassicWoman

Cut back on something else - the dress, the cake, the band, the hneymoon, your new sofa, whatever. Your proposed course of action is very very rude indeed.

TBagpuss

As PPs have said, you can't. There is no 'nice' way or good wording to tell people that you have just downgraded them.

What you are proposing is incredibly rude, and it's also pretty cruel. No one likes to feel they've been publicly rejected.

Look at your plans and find somewhere else you can make a saving. Or look at your day to day spending and see what you can cut over the net few months to save up the extra, or bite the bullet and decide that you want the other parts of the wedding and that you're prepared to borrow to make that happen.

But you can't un-invite people and expect them to be OK with it.

Andrew_Ryan_89

sweetilemon wrote: »

Could you maybe invite them as evening only? Generally this wouldn't incur any more costs as the buffet will be estimated anyway unless it's a lot of people.

Thank you for this and sorry if the OP was not clear. I want to invite them to the drinks after but not too sure how to word it?

Person_one

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Thank you for this and sorry if the OP was not clear. I want to invite them to the drinks after but not too sure how to word it?

There is no good way to word "I thought I wanted you at my wedding but actually I don't, sorry if you bought an outfit/present/booked annual leave/arranged childcare, but come and have a drink and a disco anyway if you want, that'll cost us less!"

If you're going to do it, you'll have to accept that you're doing something really rude and unkind, and apologise profusely.

pigpen

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Thank you for this and sorry if the OP was not clear. I want to invite them to the drinks after but not too sure how to word it?

We just got a generic evening invitation no explanation or anything.. I'm not holding a very big grudge