Having a B list at a wedding

BarryBlue

I just think this shows how ridiculous this 'save the date' thing is. You would know the venue and so on months in advance so why not just invite people when that happens, then confirm numbers when acceptances are back. That's how it was always done years ago. It would normally give people plenty of notice. I think the OP has dug himself into a hole here.

I have said before that I'm not keen on weddings anyway and we only accept ones from people that are very close to us or if there is a top-notch meal on the agenda. We would routinely refuse invites where we were on a B-list for evening only as they are usually terrible discos, expensive drinks and dodgy buffets.

Gloomendoom

BarryBlue wrote: »

We would routinely refuse invites where we were on a B-list for evening only as they are usually terrible discos, expensive drinks and dodgy buffets.

The B-list association was why we didn't do evening only. Everybody was invited for the day. It was up to them if they wanted to attend all, part, or none. We had a free bar too.

sweetilemon

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Thank you for this and sorry if the OP was not clear. I want to invite them to the drinks after but not too sure how to word it?

Oh I just sent out invites with "Evening Invatation" on the front. I would just word it as you would a day invite however make it clear its for the evening reception ...7.30pm or whenever it is. I wouldn't make it a big deal, they'll still be invited that day just not for the meal. I wouldn't put any explication on it. Put those invites out after your day RSVPs if your guests won't know, then if someone can't make it during the day you can upgrade their invite.

LilElvis

sweetilemon wrote: »

Oh I just sent out invites with "Evening Invatation" on the front. I would just word it as you would a day invite however make it clear its for the evening reception ...7.30pm or whenever it is. I wouldn't make it a big deal, they'll still be invited that day just not for the meal. I wouldn't put any explication on it. Put those invites out after your day RSVPs if your guests won't know, then if someone can't make it during the day you can upgrade their invite.

That's fine if you've got, say, 50 for the main event and another 50 joining for the evening - it's a fairly normal arrangement. Inviting just
3 people to attend the evening only will make it glaringly obvious to them, and everyone else, that they are just an afterthought. To me that is ruder than not inviting them at all.

Kynthia

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Thank you for this and sorry if the OP was not clear. I want to invite them to the drinks after but not too sure how to word it?

How much money are you going to save by offending these people, as it's almost certainly going to offend them if you send an evening invite? Is it worth with compared to what you are spending on cake, flowers, cars, favours and other things that won't last years? Just remember this could be something they remember about you and your day for a long time.

TBagpuss

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Thank you for this and sorry if the OP was not clear. I want to invite them to the drinks after but not too sure how to word it?

Still rude. If you sent a 'save the date' then people will, indeed, have saved the date. It's not usual to send them to people you only plan to invite for an evening.

Bite the bullet, invite them as originally planned for the full event, and hope that you get some people declining the invitation and bringing your numbers back down.

Or find somewhere else in your budget to cut. Surely it can't be a big amount that you are looking a? A few extra meals - work out what the cost is and then look at your other spending and see where you can make a saving. For instance, depending how close to the wedding it is, you could potentially pick less expensive options for your menu, have prosecco or cava instead of champagne for the toasts, decide not to bother with favours, or something of that kind.

Gloomendoom

TBagpuss wrote: »

Still rude. If you sent a 'save the date' then people will, indeed, have saved the date. It's not usual to send them to people you only plan to invite for an evening.

Bite the bullet, invite them as originally planned for the full event, and hope that you get some people declining the invitation and bringing your numbers back down.

I went to a wedding where the airline overbooking approach had been attempted. Unfortunately, everybody invited did turn up and there weren't enough chairs, and more importantly, not enough food to go around.

Pollycat

BarryBlue wrote: »

I just think this shows how ridiculous this 'save the date' thing is.

I believe the OP was told this about his 'save the date' thread.

The Op appears to flip-flop between saying money is no object so his wife-to-be can have exactly what she wants

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

True, but what the girl wants the girl gets.

(even though he'd rather spend the money fixing the shower, building the entertainment cabinet, reglazing the patio door, get rid of the shed that is about to collapse or just save the money for a rainy day).
and talking about reducing costs or taking a loan out.

Pollycat

sweetilemon wrote: »

Oh I just sent out invites with "Evening Invatation" on the front. I would just word it as you would a day invite however make it clear its for the evening reception ...7.30pm or whenever it is. I wouldn't make it a big deal, they'll still be invited that day just not for the meal. I wouldn't put any explication on it. Put those invites out after your day RSVPs if your guests won't know, then if someone can't make it during the day you can upgrade their invite.

I think this is a really shoddy way to treat people who have been sent a communication months ago to 'save the date'.

I think it has spectacularly backfired on the OP.

rach_k

I thought we were in a situation like this - one of OH's colleagues who I got on well with sent us a save the date card, so I did. I put it in the calendar and started thinking about what to do with the kids etc but didn't make any firm arrangements or buy anything because the STD card is, in my view, not the actual invitation so you'd be silly to make plans based on that alone. Invitations are usually sent out in plenty of time to make arrangements if you need to. We didn't receive an invitation and I was feeling a bit sad that we wouldn't get to go but I wasn't offended - we're not best buds so I understood that maybe their plans changed. I mentioned it to OH and he told me he'd said to the couple that we wouldn't be able to go (I don't remember why) so not to invite us, so it wasn't actually that they weren't going to invite us, but my point is that I wouldn't have been upset if that had happened.

OP, if you're not close enough to these people to want them at the wedding, they're probably not going to be too upset not to receive a full invitation. Just send an evening invite and leave it. If they say anything, you could always say there was a mistake (and either apologise that they received the STD card by mistake, or give them a full invitation), but I would leave it otherwise. I would probably feel rude doing that myself, but they may not be bothered, or if you're not close they may actually be relieved that they don't have to go through all the fuss of a full day invitation!