Need to rant! OAP in a vulnerable situation

seven-day-weekend

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

No I don't know all the details which is why I have sent a polite email to the son. But I have been in her flat, I have help her do the things she has asked the son to do, I have seen the daughter in law refusing to go into the flat, and I have comforted a distressed elderly lady who can't cope. I don't believe in the "its none of my business" brigade she is my neighbour, I was brought up to look out for the vulnerable people within your community. I will if the son doesn't get back to me / start to help his mother contact social services.

I do agree that we should not 'pass by on the other side' and should help if we can.

However, be aware - my late m-i-l told a social worker that no-one evr came to see her and that her son (my husband) never did anything for her. I visited once a week and my husband visited at least three times a week, took her shopping, did her garden, did repairs in the house - it was just lies.

People do not always tell the truth and the situation may not be as you think, so don't assume the son is neglecting her because he is an awful person.

Well done on helping out though x

elsien

And if it comes to it, a good independent plumber can put in a new boiler far more cheaply than British Gas.

mumps

Pollycat wrote: »

That makes no sense at all - at least it doesn't to me - given that her boiler doesn't work, she has no lighting, no washing machine and no phone.

If she has enough money to sort those issues out, why wouldn't she?

If she's telling her son that she has no problems and is happy with things as they are, why would she tell the OP, her neighbour, about everything that is wrong in the house?

Or are you insinuating that she's on a par with your own Mother?

It is hard to understand but it happens. In my family we are having problems with an aunt in her 80s who is being a nightmare, claiming she is totally alone, no one cares, she is going to commit suicide. After months of this, and us all doing everything we can, we have had meetings with her doctor and social worker where she told them both she is fine, has no problems, a great social life and we are just bullying her. We have had to take a step back to save our own sanity. We are willing to help but not able to take the punishment but not be allowed to help.

Pollycat

mumps wrote: »

It is hard to understand but it happens. In my family we are having problems with an aunt in her 80s who is being a nightmare, claiming she is totally alone, no one cares, she is going to commit suicide. After months of this, and us all doing everything we can, we have had meetings with her doctor and social worker where she told them both she is fine, has no problems, a great social life and we are just bullying her. We have had to take a step back to save our own sanity. We are willing to help but not able to take the punishment but not be allowed to help.

I'm not sure if you've misunderstood my point to Jojo the Tightfisted.
The scenario you outline above is not the same as that being discussed.

I'm not disputing that there are people who misrepresent things to other people - as I've detailed in this post:

Pollycat wrote: »

I wouldn't say the description in bold applied to my Mum but I have caught her out a number of times telling someone that her situation is far worse than it really is.

FTR, she should be very content, she has no money worries and one daughter is her carer, taking that role very seriously by visting 6 times a week, taking time to sit & have a chat over a cuppa, doing her housework & shopping etc.
Another daughter manages her finances and deals with all the admin stuff.
But she still feels the need to play the 'poor me' card.

I'm very aware that some older people misrepresent the facts to other people outside the immediate family. My sister and I have been victims of it.
But my Mother hasn't solicited help from other people, she knows that it would become obvious very quickly that she has not been telling the truth..
She just wants their sympathy, to play the 'poor me' card.

My point was that I found it hard to believe that someone would tell her son she was fine but detail her problems to a neighbour which is the oppositte to what you say your Aunt has done.