Need to rant! OAP in a vulnerable situation

harrys_nan

I cannot believe how many people would walk away from this situation. No matter what the circumstances are, this lady needs help and thank god she has the op looking out for her her.
You must all live in the perfect little world.

bunty109

Mojisola wrote: »

Social Services are fobbing you off. These things count as neglect -
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/pages/vulnerable-people-abuse-safeguarding.aspx
"Neglect is also a form of abuse. Neglect includes not being provided with enough food or the right kind of food, or not being taken proper care of. Leaving you without help to wash or change dirty or wet clothes, not getting you to a doctor when you need one, or not making sure you have the right medicines all count as neglect."

Scroll down to the bottom of the page to the "Who to contact" section.

This is right. She doesn't need to self refer. My suggestion is to call back and say you're concerned this is neglect and a safeguarding issue. Anyone can refer in to adult care so sounds like someone you spoke to is fobbing you off.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

harrys_nan wrote: »

I cannot believe how many people would walk away from this situation. No matter what the circumstances are, this lady needs help and thank god she has the op looking out for her her.
You must all live in the perfect little world.

Or the not so perfect little world where the dear little, white haired old lady would simper and cry to anybody outside the situation - and then unleash hell with weapons such as gardening equipment if the unfortunate offspring is careless enough to turn their back on her when there were no witnesses, having been guilt tripped into going round to help.

As far as I'm aware, my mother still lives in filth and clutter with no heating, mould, infestation and faulty appliances by the ton. But no well meaning stranger who has fallen for the pawr ickle me routine could persuade me to step foot inside, no matter how much money she claimed to have given, without a stab proof vest, goggles, a crash helmet and shinpads. Oh, and a tetanus booster. I nearly lost an eye last time I tried to help her. Never again. So yes, she does deserve to live like that, especially following the abusive, neglectful childhood.

If she's keen enough for help, she'll self refer. If not, that's her choice.

harrys_nan

i understand that not all parents are loving and kind and deserve help. I have lived with a very nasty vicious bully of a step father, but I would help if I could.
I was on tranquillizers SP? at age 14 through him, back in the day nobody wanted to help, police wouldn't get involved in a "domestic"so I have first hand knowledge of evil . Black eyes was my eye makeup and I could say more but I wont.

cr1mson

Not sure good idea to use an email address you have acquired in your capacity as Director to send such an email. That may backfire as the email may do.

I agree you may only be hearing one side of the story. However this is all you have to go on so do contact Age UK for advice.

BJV

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Or the not so perfect little world where the dear little, white haired old lady would simper and cry to anybody outside the situation - and then unleash hell with weapons such as gardening equipment if the unfortunate offspring is careless enough to turn their back on her when there were no witnesses, having been guilt tripped into going round to help.

As far as I'm aware, my mother still lives in filth and clutter with no heating, mould, infestation and faulty appliances by the ton. But no well meaning stranger who has fallen for the pawr ickle me routine could persuade me to step foot inside, no matter how much money she claimed to have given, without a stab proof vest, goggles, a crash helmet and shinpads. Oh, and a tetanus booster. I nearly lost an eye last time I tried to help her. Never again. So yes, she does deserve to live like that, especially following the abusive, neglectful childhood.

If she's keen enough for help, she'll self refer. If not, that's her choice.

OMG I can not imagine what it must be like to have a parent like that. My parents while not being perfect ( who is, certainly not me ) always tried their best. In hind sight it was not always the right choice that they made but they tried.

I am so sorry. BUT not all parents are like this. Some children I do believe turn the backs and take advantage. NOT all but some and there should be a safety net to help help. I would still rather people like the OP try and help than to simple walk away and do nothing. I am sure that some "nice little old ladies " are nasty vindictive, horrible monsters but some genuinely just need a little help.

Also the older generation where as far as my dear old nan who is no longer with us used to tell me a lot my self reliant. Certainly for my nan she would of rather do anything than admit she needed help. Pride can be a killer no matter how old.

Too many people are frighten to walk away not get involved. So sorry about your parents but I would rather act now and be left saying sorry to someone for acting in hast than to leave what could on the face of it be an old lady in distress.

Pollycat

BJV wrote: »

OMG I can not imagine what it must be like to have a parent like that. My parents while not being perfect ( who is, certainly not me ) always tried their best. In hind sight it was not always the right choice that they made but they tried.

I am so sorry. BUT not all parents are like this. Some children I do believe turn the backs and take advantage. NOT all but some and there should be a safety net to help help. I would still rather people like the OP try and help than to simple walk away and do nothing. I am sure that some "nice little old ladies " are nasty vindictive, horrible monsters but some genuinely just need a little help.

Also the older generation where as far as my dear old nan who is no longer with us used to tell me a lot my self reliant. Certainly for my nan she would of rather do anything than admit she needed help. Pride can be a killer no matter how old.

I wouldn't say the description in bold applied to my Mum but I have caught her out a number of times telling someone that her situation is far worse than it really is.

FTR, she should be very content, she has no money worries and one daughter is her carer, taking that role very seriously by visting 6 times a week, taking time to sit & have a chat over a cuppa, doing her housework & shopping etc.
Another daughter manages her finances and deals with all the admin stuff.
But she still feels the need to play the 'poor me' card.

catkins

harrys_nan wrote: »

I cannot believe how many people would walk away from this situation. No matter what the circumstances are, this lady needs help and thank god she has the op looking out for her her.
You must all live in the perfect little world.

No, if we lived in a perfect world my OH would not have had the horrible childhood he had. His mum has been a totally !!!!! to me from the moment we met. Not just me either, she has fallen out with just about all her family and friends as she is a nasty and vindictive.

harrys_nan wrote: »

i understand that not all parents are loving and kind and deserve help. I have lived with a very nasty vicious bully of a step father, but I would help if I could.
I was on tranquillizers SP? at age 14 through him, back in the day nobody wanted to help, police wouldn't get involved in a "domestic"so I have first hand knowledge of evil . Black eyes was my eye makeup and I could say more but I wont.

If you mean you would help your stepfather than you are a far nicer person than I think I would be.

Luckily I had loving parents who did their best and now they are elderly both me and OH help them as much as we can. OH though has only seen his mum twice since his dad died 6 years ago. Both times she was nasty and rude and it wasn't because she was upset because she was fine with his sister.

I know his mum is lonely now and I do feel a bit sorry for her but she made the situation she is in. OH's sister lives very close to her and does call in but she charges her to help with the housework, change her bed etc which I think is disgusting

Mojisola

Elderly people are just younger people who have been around for more years - so there are nice and nasty ones, others who are selfish, others who are very kind, bossy ones and easily-manipulated ones and so on.

When you add in the complications of family relationships, it can be hard to know why an older person who is in need of help isn't getting it from relatives - that shouldn't stop a neighbour getting Social Services or GPs involved if need is evident.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Yes there are terrible abusive parents, but a vulnerable elderly person should be given the benefit of the doubt in this situation. Regardless of family politics she needs professional help. Lots of good advice about social services and Age UK on this thread.