Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay our sister's share of our parents' gift?

maiasopohie

Ladytina WOW this is the first genuine dilemma we've ever had in her for years! Thank you so much for adding a bit! I can't wait for your next instalment!!

happyinflorida

Candyapple wrote: »

She had 2 years to save £250. Which equates to £2.40 per week. Benefits or not, that is not going to break the bank. She clearly doesn't think much of your parents if she couldn't even sacrifice such a small amount, especially given the huge advance notice!

If there are 4 of you in total (sisters) then the missing £150 should be split 3 ways so the 3 sisters not on benefits pay £50 each so as the gift of the holiday is not ruined and then ask the 1 sister who only contributed £100 to pay you all back the full sum of £150 at a mutually convenient date.

Without knowing the full details you have really condemned this person haven't you?

You try living on benefits - are you aware of the fact that this government has told the DWP to frequently stop people's benefits for no real reason, they just say "oh you didn't ring this company when we told you to" - even though they didn't tell you to.

Supposing the tax credits lot suddenly decided she'd been overpaid - which happens to almost everyone and cut her benefit by £100 per month? You try living on a lot less money all of a sudden with no warning at all, just a letter telling you about it after you've already been paid less! Yes that happens frequently too.

Join the real world sunny jim and stop being so unkind.

happyinflorida

It seems quite unfair that one person, who it's known is on benefits, is expected to pay so much money towards a gift.

How was the decision taken to split the cost 4 equal ways?

Hopefully you will realise from this experience that this one person was obviously put under pressure to agree and you all should not have allowed this to happen.

As family you are meant to look after one another!

You've put this person under a lot of unnecessary stress on top of the hardship they are already going through.

Are the other 3 financially capable of paying the extra £150 needed or not?

If not, are you all able and willing to discuss your incomes and outgoings and determine if it's possible to reach the amount required to pay for the holiday?

Communication is the key - I hope you are able to sort this all out and please do not hold this against the person who hasn't been able to pay the full amount.

Good luck!

bettyboo71

I agree with the person who suggested the £850 option - 3 x £250 and 1 x £100.
Living on benefits, or on a low income (I did the latter for several years) can mean it is very difficult to even save £1 a month, so anyone who has posted negatively about this clearly has been lucky enough to never be in that situation.
I also look forward to hearing what the true outcome was.

Ebenezer_Screwj

The one on benefits shouldn't have agreed to her contribution if there was a chance she couldn't come up with it. I would suggest that you each contribute what you can and give your parents the money saying "it is towards a holiday"

Griffey

We did the same thing for our parents 40th wedding anniversary which was 10 years ago. We all paid into a savings account each month but as myself and my sister had two incomes coming in we agreed that my brother who was living on his own would only put in half of what we did. This I think was the fairest thing to do all round, but it was discussed at the initial outset so your sister should have come clean at the time and tell all the others that she didn't think she could afford that much.

gayleygoo

This sounds like a very extravagant gift, whch would be fine if everyone involved was well enough off to afford it. It sounds like the sister on benefits probably isn't. If she has children, why should she be expected to contribute £250 for a holiday when it's money her children are going without? If she dosn't have children, then her benefits are probably very limited indeed.

Two years ago she may have agreed to this genuinely thinking she could afford it, or felt pressured to agree and hoped she'd find a way. Either way you should each contribute what you can afford, or what you would have spent on an individual present. That might mean others making up the shortfall, or finding a cheaper holiday.

How would your parents feel about one of their children donating such a large sum of money when they can't afford it? My mum tells me off when I spend more than a tenner on any present for her

Most importantly, don't let money cause sour feelings between you all. I'm sure your parents would prefer their children had good relaionships with each other, over any holiday.

knaggse82

Are the parents expecting exactly £1000 as a gift? £850 as a contribution to a holiday is still very generous. If the present is a surprise to the parents, then each should be able to contribute what they can afford without pressure on others to make up the difference.

minicooper272

I would split the difference if the rest of you can afford it.


Firstly though, I would shop around for the holiday, check that your getting the best deal. You might find you can get the same deal for even just £50 less somewhere else.

Secondly, I would see whether I could book the holiday via a cashback site - I know Expedia are on Topcashback/quidco, so you could also get around £50 cashback, which again could be split between the 3 of you who pay more.


Before you know it, you've saved £100, so 3 of you only have to pay an extra £15, one sister has paid what she can afford, and your parents holiday hasn't suffered at all.

chrisdy34

The last thing your parents will want is for you to fall out over this,

If the holiday is booked, 3 of you will have to find an extra £50 each. Whether or not you ask for this to be paid back is up to you to discuss and agree,

If the holiday is not booked you can either go for something cheaper or stump up the balance anyway.

I wonder if your sister has been working up to telling you this and that is why it's short notice - or perhaps the deposit is now due.

TALK to each other and AGREE a solution (I know that can be difficult I have 2 sisters myself!)
Above all be happy, celebrate the achievement of a 40th anniversary and give your parents daughters to be proud of.