Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay our sister's share of our parents' gift?

tea_lover

When my sister and I split the cost of presents for our parents it's done according to our circumstances at the time. When I was a student and she was married with no kids she pretty much paid everything. When I started work and she became a single parent working part-time, I paid more. We're pretty much even now but I know if/when circumstances change again we'd happily split things accordingly.

Dill

I am on benefits and I struggle to save £10 a month
For that reason I don't think I would have agreed to give £250.

74jax

Yes I'd pay. Even now I add my brother to cards and pants as he just forgets.

TBagpuss

If the other siblings are able to do so without significant hardship I would be inclined to say they at the least consider paying.
Most people on benefits are on very limited budget, and it doesn't take much to push someone from being able to save to not being able to do so - for instance, being unwell, or having an emergency at home could swallow up months worth of savings.

£100 from a sibling on benefits might result in them having contributed a much bigger proportion of their disposable income than a better off sibling giving £250 or even £300.

I am one of 4 siblings, and we always adjusted contributions to take into account differences in our financial position when we gave joint gifts. There are 10 years between my eldest and youngest siblings, so ypungest was still a student when eldest has 7 years employment and a salary to match - equal contributions would have been very unfair, and I don't recall that any of us ever suggested them.

I do wonder whether the poorer sibling in this scenario really agreed, or whether they felt they could not disagree!

If that sibling has a long history of taking advantage then things might be different, but that aside, I'd chalk it to experience and then next time there is a shared gift situation, consider planning a little differently.
(for instance, start with lest well off sibling and ask them what they can afford to contribute, then take t from there. If that sib says they can afford £75, either you pick something which costs 4 x £75, or you decide that you'll get something more expensive and that the other siblings will pay more.)

onlyroz

If the holiday has already been booked then I'd take it on the chin and split the remainder between the other siblings. Life's too short to fall out over money.

If the holiday hasn't yet been booked then I'd look into whether a slightly cheaper option was available.

Toomuchdebt

I wasn't able to save even £1 a week for a very long time. It sounds easy but it really isn't. All it takes is a fridge to break down, or the kids growing out of their shoes sooner than you'd thought and all your savings are gone. I wouldn't be able to afford £250 for a present, even when I was not on sick pay.

Jagraf

No - I would say everyone should now only fund £100 and find a cheaper holiday xx

craftydevil

She had two years advance notice of the intention to contribute £250, if she thought she would find it difficult to save even £1.00 a week (£104.00 over two years) she should have spoken out then - she did not so ought not to expect her sisters to pay more than their share now.

DigForVictory

It's like watching a car crash happen in slow motion.
Two years. Four sisters. 40th wedding anniversary.

A few weeks.

In the short term either sort a slightly cheaper holiday, or the more fortunate three make up the difference.

In the longer term, this could have been avoided if you'd all talked to each other more often and more thoroughly, so forgive this time & try harder for the golden wedding anniversary.

Your parents want you four to get along more than they want a holiday.

(I'm projecting massively, but for gods sake, talk. If necessary leave the savings jar over at a sister's house but above all, talk to each other.)

Mark_Beech

The elephant in the room seems to have been completely ignored here. I surely can't be the only MoneySaver who thinks that a £1000 gift for a 40th wedding anniversary is excessive. Even if this was considered a "normal" amount to spend it's clearly completely insensitive to expect a poorer sibling to cough up the same amount.
Buy them a new toaster or microwave or take them out for a nice family meal.