Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay our sister's share of our parents' gift?

Marvel1

Someone wrote my off my car in January while parked outside my house, I had the payoff, then I had to fund extra for a new car.

silvercar

Gwenniebabes wrote: »

If it was originally agreed that each would put in an equal share then I would suggest either the rest of you put in the £150 your benefit sister cannot meet and ask her to pay you back monthly, OR agree the rest of you will meet the extra cost between you. If you tell your parents or not about how the split was made up depends on you and what your view is of why your sister is on benefits ...... There is another option which is for you to suggest your sister goes her own way and the rest of you cover the cost of the holiday .........

I can't see why you would tell the parents that benefit sister paid less.

Give in good spirit or don't give. You between you are paying for a holiday for your parents between you, your parents don't explicitly need to be told how much each sister gave. They will probably work it out for themselves, but there is no need to be measly mouthed about it.

If you can afford to give the money to cover the sister on benefits, then do so, but do it with a good heart, not to score points over your struggling sister.

Maat

Your sister probably didn't feel she could refuse to put up the money and hoped she'd be able to do it over the two years, but things happen and the last two winters have lasted 9 or 10 months each. It probably made her feel humiliated to have to admit she couldn't afford to give as much as the rest of you and I suspect that's why she put it off for so long. She may have agonised over this for many weeks.

As others have said, the two most logical solutions are to reduce the cost of the holiday (if that's possible at this stage) or to share the rest of the cost among the other siblings. I wouldn't ask the sister on benefits to pay back the money to the rest either. At current savings rates for her it'll take her another three years to pay it all back. Do you really want to put that kind of pressure on her?

I agree with the contributor who said that you should talk through things with your sister. Maybe let her know, too, that you love her and appreciate that she's done her best. Your parents don't need to know that your sister on benefits couldn't contribute as much as the rest of you. Please let her maintain her dignity and respect in the eyes of her parents.

manimag

There are a lot of people posting who have never been on benefits. I have been some years ago when they were more generous and it is very hard to manage let alone save any money. I think she has done well to have saved £100 but I think her sisters should have taken her circumstances into account when setting a sum of £250 to be contributed by each sister. As she hasn't got the full amount she could either back out and buy her parents her own gift with the money she has or the sisters could make up the deficit between them.

maiasopohie

I was on benefits as a single parent a few years ago. With Income Support, Child Tax Credit, Child Benefit & a small maintenance allowance from the ex, I managed fine. I never felt poor ever ( tho MSE saved me a fortune!) just never went on hols or a night out at all.
But I couldn't save up & would certainly never have agreed to this scenario. There again, my siblings would never have dreamed of being so presumptuous as to ask.
How very unfair of them it would have been!

Peter333

Another one here who agrees that not everyone on benefits is worse off than people who work!

Even so, this is a lot to spend on a parents 40th anniversary. IMO. I wouldn't expect that. Me and my lady wife recently celebrated our Pearl anniversary, and didn't expect more than a bottle of port and some chocolates!

If we want to go on holiday, we will pay for it ourselves! Our kids are grown and have their own outgoings and expenses.

Loz01

As other posters have said, depends is she is genuinely poor or has money for cigarettes/nights out/takeaways etc! If she has, it's unfair that she hasn't managed to save that amount of money in two years. Lots of people who work don't have much disposable income either.

Ladytina

Hi

I am the one who sent in the original dilemma. This is a true situation that happened several years ago. The sister who was on benefits was actually caring for her partner at the time who had cancer. I have no idea what income/benefits she had at the time as I have no experience of this.

Also, we all live in different parts of the country and she is not one to keep in regular touch with her family. The holiday was not actually booked at the time as we planned to give the monies to our parents a few months before in order that they could book a holiday with it (they had already told us they planned to go away for their ruby anniversary so effectively we were giving them the monies to book a holiday of their choosing)

At this point i will stop and see if anyone has anything to add and then i will let you know what we actually did regarding the money.

elizabethhull

In our family that WOULD be an extraordinarily big deal. And wouldn't the parents prefer a family meal out ?

burlington6 wrote: »

Between them it's not a big deal for a 40th wedding present.

maiasopohie

Another one here who agrees that not everyone on benefits is worse off than people who work!

Thanks Peter333. I said I was never poor but I never went on hols, had take-always, went to the pub or restaurants or cinema,etc EVER! I managed and was comfortable.. I definitely wasn't poor as in desperate for food or the essentials. In fact, hate to admit it, but I had more money as a single parent on benefits than I did as a married family with one breadwinner & a stay-at-home Mum. There's something wrong with the system here.....