Joined 31.05.16

[Deleted User]

It is harder when you need to have a boring month isn't it.

August is a busy one for me too so just trying to stay in as much as possible, should be relatively easy now as I am as poor as a pauper!

Dxxx

Poor_Single_lady

I really feel like I am spending way too much. The cupboards and freezer are full and I have loads of food and toiletries but somehow always need Something. Food top up shop Wednesday and minimal at weekend. Trying to clear one shelf of the freezer and defrost ASAP. I could put some foods in my mums and then defrost but she is the same as me and I know hers is as full and I think this habit is a straight line from her.
Making lunch for tommorow and will bring in.
Spent £8 at lunch today
Lunch out Wednesday.
Evening eating from cupboards.
Top up shop wed unless it is raining.

At least all bar 1 credit card had been paid. Just £18 payment left plus £5 home insurance direct debit. And then no more bills to pay. But I am overdrawn so need to have spending at minimal amounts and be a pauper till payday. It's 2 weeks.

I'm not sure if anyone else does this but I am fed up of asking people to support me and stop inviting me to expensive things and places. I have ignored 2 invites in the last week. Just not replied at all. I know it is rude but I just don't have the energy to explain again and get into text situation. I feel a lot more in control but a little bit guilty.
The thing is I don't think (some of) my friends are putting me first. So I think I have to put me first. I'm also studying a lot and they don't seem to realise what a bad influence they are.

In this situation I blame me 100% but I need people around who won't hinder me
And will remember that I don't want to go out for dinner when I can make it myself.

Need more evenings like this (and fewer lunches out) but it is very hard.

System

PSL I guess its difficult trying to get the right balance right i.e. Turning down invites from one person but accepting them from another . Then one feels slighted because you said no.

I think you have to stick to your guns and only surround yourself with likeminded people who as you say support you.

On the food front why not try and have one week where you just use all stuff from the freezer and cupboards.

Keep going with your studying , who knows where it may take you .

Jenjenjen17

Hi PSL, hope you don't mind me popping in to say hello, I have been subscribed to your diary from the start but have never commented before.

I am quite similar to you in a lot of ways, same age, have similar amount of disposable income left after bills have been paid and I am also studying on top of working full time.

A couple of things have jumped out at me over the past few weeks when you have been posting, I think you need to accept that this is your fight and no ones else's, you seem to put a lot of energy into getting annoyed with people inviting you places where I think you just need to accept this is always going to happen so you need to learn to deal with it. I am in the exact same situation, each month I budget £150 for entertainment (for going out and any work lunches that I don't take in with me) which I can spend guilt free but when its gone its gone.

You are always going to get invites but just politely but firming decline once you have spent you're money for the month, the more you do it the easier it gets and people will try to persuade you less. If you don't feel comfortable saying to people you can't afford it just say you need to study, you have the perfect excuse.

Again hope you don't mind me commenting, just wanted to let you know that other people are going through the same as you and hopefully pass on a bit of advice that you may find helpful.

J

dionysia

I think it is important to look after yourself first, but I try to remember the flip side of that is that nobody is as interested in me as I am! :rotfl: Maybe people are simply inviting you to things automatically, which is nice really, and not thinking in the moment about what you're working on. Could you try inviting your friends to do something cheaper? Coming over to yours, or coffee, or say you'll go out for one drink and then need to go home for dinner and study? You could leave the card at work and only take out enough money for that one drink if the problem is staying out beyond when you want. Then you'll know who are really your friends and who's just looking for a bit of company while they do the expensive things they want to do, and the latter I think you can happily ignore.

Verbatim

And just think how miserable you'd feel if no one invited you anywhere. Jen3 has it!

Poor_Single_lady

Hello. :hello: please comment away Jen and Dion but can I please say if you have been here since the beginning I am sorry for boring you with all my whingeing. This is time you could be spending doing something good! Very sorry I am so boring right now.

You are right the invites keep coming. I think (as I said before) people think single people have nothing to do so I always get invited to anything at work, my family is gigantic and invite me to everything, I have 3/4 close friends and more friends beyond this and about 3 times a month I usually go drinking in London with London friends which is sort of on loop.
Then I look at bank statements and feel really guilty. I'm trying to encourage people not to invite me and polite declines doesn't seem to be working. It is energy sapping because nobody ever listens.

NSD today but wed and Thur will be spend days.

Cumbria I should try and eat just from the freezer but it's a bit depressing. will do my best as the ice is taking over and taking up all the room!

Verbatim

Time for an inventive menu plan! What've you got in your freezer and cupboards?

reality_check

You should try get in there with the invites first before they do, that way you can be more in control. Someone said suggesting things like going for a coffee as oppose to drinks, arranging to meet up for a walk/take a sandwich with you...or look for deals that are on and txt people saying this looks great and suggesting you do this as oppose to their elaborate plans xx

enthusiasticsaver

I think it is just a case of being selective PSL. I am sure you cannot be the only one to duck out of work social gatherings. I often have refused invites for various reasons, some cost related but often more convenience. If the social do is after work on one of my non working days then I don't relish driving into the city centre so have no problems making excuses.

RC has a good idea in that you can look for deals and vouchers online and encourage those people you do want to socialise with to look at more MSE ways of entertaining yourselves. A friend I see regularly has retired recently and I know money is tight for her so we do coffee and cake (we share one slice for diet reasons and cost) and then do a walk afterwards if the weather is nice to prolong the time to chat but make it a MSE outing.