Buying grand mother's house

martindow

UTIs often give similar symptoms as dementia and are frequent with elderly people. For someone in their 90s dementia can be assumed when some antibiotic can help considerably.

In my experience a lot of elderly people will not accept there is a problem and will be extremely resistant to accepting help in any form. Local authorities often have a long waiting list for an occupational therapist to assess in any case.

For my father it was only after going to hospital after a fall that anything happened.. They refused to discharge him until he was assessed and a care plan put in place. It unlocked minor adaptations to the house and care support He was left with no option other than to grudgingly accept help.

I suspect that this is a familiar tale.

teddysmum

alfred64 wrote: »

When you reach 92 years of age there is no long term.

A few months can be long term , especially if the person has mental problems, as caring is very stressful and drains the carer.


My late father had Parkinson's Disease and only developed mental problems near the end, but even a few hours with him, at that stage, were absolutely exhausting.


Old people can also, generally , be hard to live with. My gran, who was blind,was normally lovely, but I used to dread her staying with us over Christmas (she stayed about a month),as she changed into a bossy, demanding, self-centred horror, but on returning to her own home she was back to her normal self.

TBagpuss

THere are a few optins:

You could buy a share of her house, and then you and she could own as tenants in common, each with a defined share. You would need to decide on how any improvements were to be funded at the outset and going forward. You probably would not be able to get a mortgage so your contribnution, and % share, would need to be based on your current equity, not your curent house price.

The advantage of this is that there is no deprevation of assets and she has secutiry as she remains a joint owner of the property.

You and she would each need to get separate and independent legal advice and to ensure that you agree on what would happen if things don't work out and oe or other of you wants to separate and release your money from the house.

A second oiption might be fore gran to sell her hpouse and buy somewhere closer to you, perhaps in a wasrden controlled block. This would have the advantage to her that she would still retian her own assets and have better support, but of course moving might be stressful for her.

A third option might be for you to look into whether you could convent your mortgage to a buy to let, and to move in with her on the basis that you provide care in lieu of rent. If you were in a position to raise some money to carry out the home improvements this could be secured on the property by way of a charge to be repaid on gran's death or on the proeprty being sold, so that your money would be secure.

This option might be sensible as a short term measure to see whether living together works.

You and she could both sell your properties and buy a new home with a granny annex, so that you could live together but each retain some provacy. Dependiong on how the purchase was funced, you could own as tenants in coomon with shares dictated by your respective contributions, or the property could be held in your and your wife's name with any money provided by Gran being secured by way of a charge back over the house.

If she has any other family then with the first or third option you would need to be aware that on her death, you would probably have to sell up in order to pay her estate her share of the property value.

It would also be sensible to encurage her to see a solicitor so that she can yupdate her will, and to consider encouraging her to grant powers of attorney so that she can decide who she would wish to make decisions for her if she becomes unable to do so.

Moving in with her may well be more difficult than you anticipate so in any event, it may be wise to do so on a trial basis before taking a final decision to sell / rent and live there permanently.

Another option might be to look into 'Homesharing' , where older homeowners can be matched with younger ' lodgers' who are willing to ofer a limited amount of companinship and help in return for low cost / free lodging http://sharedlivesplus.org.uk/about-shared-lives-plus/home-share
Is this something which your Gran might be interested in?

DigForVictory

May I suggest you do very little til her anaemia is partly corrected?
Other than get Power of Attorney sorted.

Would she have any truck with a business like Wiltshire Farm Foods? It isn't as good as meals on wheels who come daily but it might open the door to gradually increasing help to stay independent.

She's done brilliantly & sounds like with a bit of help should make it fine through to her century, it'll be persuading her to accept a bit of help that may be tricky.

Far better to fund someone popping in than to mess with a system that so far (apart from the anaemia) works!

Jamiesmum

Why do you need to buy the house? I assume at her age she is completely mortgage free so what would change if you bought it off her as opposed to just moved in?

You say you can't afford to give her asking price - how much can you afford to give her?

Caring for someone is HARD work and one of you will certainly need to give up work to do full time if she gets diagnosed with dementia in the near future which it sounds possible. This is assuming she doesn't have a UTI and general loneliness (how is her cleanliness?).

She will need money to pay for a care home / domiciliary care if she wants to get the best.

To the poster who said you don't long term when you reach 92 - let me assure you, you do! This lady could still EASILY have another 10 years in front of her if her health is as OP said. If she is still physically fit and living alone (at 92, that's amazing) then there is no reason she won't keep going. Dementia kills your memory not your body. And caring for people with dementia is really hard work.

Also, have a google for age UK or local charities which often have volunteers to spend an hour or two a day with a vulnerable or old person. They can go out for coffee or sit in for a chat. Help with the house work etc.

She also may benefit from a home carer or two a day - yes it can be expensive but you could also get in touch with adult services and see if they have any recommendations. Having someone come in even to heat up a meal and chat can transform her life without disrupting yours at all.

Edit to add - she could even get a cleaner for 2 hours a week - I've come across many cleaners and they of course will chat as they work. £20 or so for 2 hours a week for that extra bit of company. Even better pay a family friend to pop in and tidy up that she knows for an even better chat.

FreeworldImpossible

Thanks everyone, the advice given is what I was looking for.

We have visited the hospital every day since she was admitted. Tonight the staff nurse told us that today she had an MRI scan on her head after yesterday's CT scan proved inconclusive. They felt that there was an infection, not a UTI however but they couldn't pinpoint it. However, the MRI scan seems to suggest that she may have had a stroke. The nurse said the doctors would be speaking to us next week about what the ramifications of this are going to be. She said at this stage it's looking like she'll need care at home as they're having to assist her on the toilet. Something she didn't need prior to this. She said it's looking like she may be in hospital for quite a while yet.

There's an issue with the fact that tonight when we went to hers there's utility bills, water bill and a £2000 council tax bill outstanding. There's no power of attorney in place, nor is there any likelihood to be one given her present condition. Does anyone know what happens in these instances? Do we just pay them, which is a tall ask though not impossible. I suspect not having a POA no one will discuss her business with us.

Jamiesmum, I don't need to buy it, I'm just exploring possible avenues. Her house is worth around £240k, I could give her around £190k. But these are just ideas at the moment. As you say, it's hard work especially when working full time. However, given her current condition purchasing the property goes to the bottom of the list, if not struck off altogether.

phoebe1989seb

FreeworldImpossible wrote: »

Yes, I'm just sounding out possible avenues at the moment. Moving in with her would be a big undertaking for us as much as her. We're in our late thirties and now the son is grown up and studying we like our new found independence. One of the reasons I'm sounding the idea of living together is she keeps ringing the neighbours through the night claiming that either there's a problem with the boiler (which is brand new) or smoke alarm is flashing (which is indicating normal operation) or the TV is playing up.

This sounds very much like my late dad, OP. He was the sole carer for my mum who had Alzheimer's, then a few years back he began calling us at all hours of the day and night complaining that certain items were no longer working - the timer on the central heating, the oven, washing machine, remote control etc. We lived 1.5hrs away but would drop everything to drive over each time - on several occasions he had the remote upside down but insisted it was broken - sometimes three times a day. He also frequently phoned their next door neighbours - a young couple with a small child - asking for assistance, which they in good humour tolerated despite it no doubt becoming a pita......

He also had numerous UTIs and often forgot to eat/feed my mum, culminating in one weekend that just happened to be a heatwave when he confused the fridge and freezer and they both got food poisoning. When we arrived the fridge (turned off!) was full of mouldy food.

Despite offers to get help in, as well as trying to arrange Wiltshire Farm Food deliveries, he resisted all attempts to lighten his burden. Eventually we over-rode him and set up a care package, but after a couple of months during which he frequently told fibs to the careers, saying I was there so they weren't needed, he cancelled it, putting us back to square one.

We were part way through major building work at our house - deemed unmortgageable when we bought it for cash the previous year - and doing most of the work ourselves, yet he insisted mum come to stay with us. We had no staircase or kitchen at that point and were cooking on a wood burner/microwave, so we had to explain it was really not possible.

One day he and my mum went to the local shops and on the way home he had a mini stroke - not the first - and was hospitalised. Mum had to go into respite care and on his release he too had to go into a home. Weeks later he was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. Their house was sold to pay for their care and whilst we found them places at the same nursing home, they had to be kept apart and never came home again.......very sad

I hope for everyone's sake that your gran makes a speedy recovery and you find a solution acceptable to all concerned x

xylophone

There's an issue with the fact that tonight when we went to hers there's utility bills, water bill and a £2000 council tax bill outstanding.

No direct debits have ever been set up to meet these bills?

If not, as your wife is the next of kin, I think that it would be permissible for her to ring the providers and explain that her very elderly grandmother has been hospitalised and ask what should be done in the circumstances.

It may be that Grandma will recover sufficiently to be able to grant PoA.

If Grandma is judged incapable of granting a PoA, see

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/if-the-person-you-want-to-help-has-lost-mental-capacity

https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy/overview

FreeworldImpossible

xylophone, no, there's no direct debits as she "doesn't trust them". Thanks for the links.

FreeworldImpossible

Hello. It transpires that Gran has had a stroke, and at present the doctors think there is nothing they can do to stop the coming and going of the confusion she has. They also say they're starting to see cells in her blood conducive with a type of leukaemia called ADL, but as it stands at the moment they're monitoring that. As such she's ready to leave hospital. The doctors say she is going to need some kind of care and social services are going to do an assessment on her on Monday. I think she has a feeling she may be placed in care as she keeps on saying that when she gets out either she'll come stay with us or we'll go stay with her. I'm hoping that for her sake though she can get by with perhaps carers a couple of times a day and us going up whenever we're not working.