Buying grand mother's house

uk_american

Your description of Gran is exactly how mine was! Independent and healthy, although post 90 she suffered the same anemia issue which made her a bit confused. The iron tablets and an occasional transfusion fixed that and she was back to normal.

One thing we discovered was that she wasn't eating so great which brought on the anemia. Not sure if you have a 'meals on wheels' service, but it's a great option if you have one while you figure things out.

Some are free and some are for a small payment, depending on your local services. In our case the volunteers would bring my Gran a free lunchtime meal Monday through Friday (family was always over on the weekends so it wasn't needed then). Plus they spent a few minutes chatting with her when they delivered so she had something to look forward too each morning.

FreeworldImpossible

xylophone wrote: »

Could you rent out your own property, move in with grandma, and lend her the money (against a properly drawn up agreement) for



although unless the wiring is dangerous, these do not appear particularly urgent.

As Grandma is still compos mentis, and if this has not already been organised, sort out POA.

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview

xylophone, thanks. These are the ideas and suggestions I was after. There's currently no POA.

Yes, renting out my property has also been considered should the worst come to the worst.

uk_american wrote: »

Your description of Gran is exactly how mine was! Independent and healthy, although post 90 she suffered the same anemia issue which made her a bit confused. The iron tablets and an occasional transfusion fixed that and she was back to normal.

One thing we discovered was that she wasn't eating so great which brought on the anemia. Not sure if you have a 'meals on wheels' service, but it's a great option if you have one while you figure things out.

Some are free and some are for a small payment, depending on your local services. In our case the volunteers would bring my Gran a free lunchtime meal Monday through Friday (family was always over on the weekends so it wasn't needed then). Plus they spent a few minutes chatting with her when they delivered so she had something to look forward too each morning.

uk_american, I'm already exploring available options in the area. And yes, she openly admits that she isn't eating properly, which is why we started bringing her to our house a few times a week for meals. But such is her admirably active social life she soon puts off in order to attend a social meeting of some sort. I'm hoping the blood transfusions and restarting her iron tablets will have her back on her feet. It's nice to hear the experiences of people in similar situations, thank you!

ERICS_MUM

Could you get some professional help for Gran in her own home ? My Mum who died aged 92 two months ago was of 'sound mind' until the end but she had nasty urinary infections that completely robbed her appetite. GP said that UTIs can affect the mind if severe.

Anyway, Mum had a carer for 45 mins in the morning to make breakfast and help with taking her meds. Meals on Wheels at lunchtime - she didn't eat it all but it was something hot. In the evening the district nurse came in to check her blood and do her insulin injection (Mum had diabetes).

I, my brother and sister kept an eye on her, one of us popped in everyday, did housework, landry and shopping. She always said she didn't want to go into 'a home' but nor did she want to live with one of us.

This is my long-winded way of saying there are ways to provide support without having to move in with her.

Good luck, it's so difficult to get the balance right when looking after elderly family members.

elsien

If you do look at moving in with Gran, are either of you prepared to become full time carers?
Because in the long term Gran's going to need more and more help. And if you're already living there, firstly you'll find that doing more and more slowly creeps up on you without realising, and secondly it's far harder to say to Gran and social services that the care is getting too much for you when you're already there in situ.
You need to consider the long term implications of increasing care needs both on Gran and on yourselves. Because (worst case) when you're being woken up regularly through the night but still having to function at work the next day, it can get very hard to carry on.

teddysmum

As someone mentioned above, she could be showing early signs of dementia. My mother-in-law's dementia didn't begin until her late 80s and the first signs were wandering (eventually in the night), arguing that she was never helped by person A although B gave her the help she needed and saying that perfectly intact items didn't work properly.

Kynthia

Selling her house to you would only be considered deprivation of assets if you paid much less than its value (some discount for not needing an estate agent, that a lot of work is needed, and you being family that would be caring for her) would probably be fine. Plus there would need to be a reasonable expectation that care would be needed in the future, but at her age and failing health I think that condition could be met.

I get the impression that you aren't that keen to purchase her property and move into it, but you are considering it as an option. I think it's good of you, and you definitely shouldn't spend loads on it if you don't own it unless you have a recorded loan agreement to protect your money. However I think renovation work could be too disruptive to Gran and moving a big change for you when you don't know how long she'll be capable of living at home.

Do you have room to have her stay a night or two a week at yours? As well as you visiting for tea each week are there others like your son that could visit regularly? Could Age Concern have a befriender visit in the daytime once a fortnight? Can you stock her fridge with more tempting foods and have some ring/text daily to ask if she's eaten? Will the local authority consider a carer visiting to prepare lunch and check she's taking her medication? See how things are when the anemia is dealt with as her attitude could change if her health is affecting it.

Stripeybat

I don't have anything helpful to add, but I just wanted to say how much I admire you for your attitude and desire to do right by your wife's Gran. I can appreciate how hard it is to suddenly be bogged down with so many decisions, when relatives start to get elderly/fragile it's a very confusing time!

I know her medical professionals didn't suggest dementia yet, but that could well be because they would be unable to prove the cause of these symptoms (wandering etc) until the anaemia is treated as this would be masking it. Severe anaemia can have a tremendous impact on your emotional and physical well being, so fingers crossed once that's sorted Gran might feel a bit better. Do bear in mind though, iron tablets can cause nausea so that might explain her lack of want to eat. I know you said she stopped taking them recently, I wonder if it might be due to side effects.

Best of luck x

basil92

FreeworldImpossible wrote: »

I assure you this is not the reason. How I prove this I do not know.

We are her only family and it is left to us in the will. Her friend has sold her house and moved into sheltered accommodation, which we suggested to her might be a wise move for herself. She is dead set against this however, as this is the home that she raised her only child in whilst they also cared for her elderly Aunt who had brought her up as a child.

As previously mentioned, perhaps I need to speak to a social worker.

P.S. I did originally title this thread as "Options available to care for grandmother" in the family forum. It's just with her keep saying we should sell up and move in that I'd ask here first. Apologies if this sounds like an ulterior motive, but I assure you that it is not.

My grandmother was adamant, after suffering a few strokes and broken hip, she wouldn't move into a flat with a warden, after 65 years in her own (council owned) home.

But she needed some daily help and eventually, reluctantly, had no choice but to agree..

After the move, I had never seen her happier. We always asked, can we visit Nan..Oh no, she said, I'm too busy that day and I've something else on tomorrow etc

I'm sure places like that still exist, though sadly I expect many of our elderly have a very different experience

OP...find her a new home where she keeps her independence, but offers her lots of potential to meet new friends, with the reassurance that someone is there if she needs them.

alfred64

FreeworldImpossible wrote: »

I'm hoping that once people move in next door she'll at least feel a little less alone.

She'll drive them barmy.

alfred64

elsien wrote: »

If you do look at moving in with Gran, are either of you prepared to become full time carers?
Because in the long term Gran's going to need more and more help.

When you reach 92 years of age there is no long term.