Buying grand mother's house

FreeworldImpossible

The wife's Gran is 92yo, and considering her age she's impressively fit. She doesn't wear glass, doesn't have hearing aids and is more active than most people half her age. She walks unaided everywhere and even does her own gardening. However, it turns out that she isn't eating and this has resulted in her being admitted to hospital yesterday having become faint whilst on one of her walks. It turns out that she only has half the amount of haemoglobin in her blood as should be expected and they had to give her a blood transfusion last night. She is becoming quite forgetful, especially when it comes to eating and taking her vitamin tablets prescribed by the doctors. They don't believe that it's dementia, more a combination of anaemia and possibly an infection.

However, since the wife's mother died 15 years ago (the Gran's only child) and the death of her husband 3 years later, she is beginning to show signs of loneliness. We think this is why she is hardly ever in the house and always out wondering. My wife works in retail and the Gran is often seen lurking in the background of where she works, she claims just to catch a glimpse of the wife.

We feel that given her age, and the fact she's claiming she's lonely, that as her only family it is our duty to do something about the situation.

Her Gran keeps saying we should sell our house and move in with her. Which is an option as our house isn't big enough to take her in but hers is big enough to accommodate our family. It does however need new windows, rewiring, new bathroom and decorating throughout.

The only problem is we can't afford to give her full asking price and I'm not sure the legalities of buying a house when the person selling still lives there. Can anyone advise us on the ins and outs of this and the potential pitfalls.

booksurr

how sure are you that a 93yr old wants/can cope with "your family" in her home. How old are your children? It is one thing to combat loneliness by you all moving in but she has been alone for a long time and may find you all very disruptive

iantojones40

I'm full of admiration for you wanting to help grannie out but it seems a rather drastic solution to the problem of her feeling a bit lonely.

Are you sure you can't think of any other things you can do to combat her loneliness that don't involve buying her property (at presumably below market value)?

FreeworldImpossible

booksurr wrote: »

how sure are you that a 93yr old wants/can cope with "your family" in her home. How old are your children? It is one thing to combat loneliness by you all moving in but she has been alone for a long time and may find you all very disruptive

We have a son who is 19 and the Gran idolises him. Yes, I have considered her reaction to us moving in, and also our reaction to such a move.

At this stage I'm just thinking of possible solutions as I'm not too keen on her out wondering literally from about 10am until around 6pm.

theartfullodger

It sounds as though gran may well be "vulnerable" and perhaps not have the sharpest mind. Any decent person would not let them sell their home in such circumstances and I would hope any solicitor would put a stop to it.

Some might wonder if you have an ulterior motive for wanting to get your hands on the place: Can you please re-assure us that this is not the case and why?

teddysmum

Are there no local social clubs ? Not all groups focus on granny things. WI is a possibility , as nowadays they have members over a large age range with differing interests .

FreeworldImpossible

iantojones40 wrote: »

I'm full of admiration for you wanting to help grannie out but it seems a rather drastic solution to the problem of her feeling a bit lonely.

Are you sure you can't think of any other things you can do to combat her loneliness that don't involve buying her property (at presumably below market value)?

Yes, I'm just sounding out possible avenues at the moment. Moving in with her would be a big undertaking for us as much as her. We're in our late thirties and now the son is grown up and studying we like our new found independence. One of the reasons I'm sounding the idea of living together is she keeps ringing the neighbours through the night claiming that either there's a problem with the boiler (which is brand new) or smoke alarm is flashing (which is indicating normal operation) or the TV is playing up.

She has an active social life, and appears to be out 4 nights a week and attends trips with her guild friends, and still claims to be lonely. I'm not sure how to combat that to be honest as it appears it's the the wife, the son and myself that she wants to be around. We do visit whenever we can and even began bringing her for tea a couple of nights a week. But still she claims she just can't face being alone in the house. I do agree with you that it's a drastic move, and given that the wife and I both work long hours and I'm also doing a part time MSc it just all be too much. Perhaps I need to speak with the LA or social services? I don't know it's not a position we've ever been in before.

missbiggles1

Why do you have to buy her house before you move in with her? Why not try it for a while and see how things work out.

[Deleted User]

I think you need to talk to the hospital about this as she's probably been anaemic for a while (it doesn't happen over a couple of days if severe) and the wandering could be a side effect of this.

The hospital need to find out what's caused the anaemia and some care needs to be organised until she starts feeling better. Your family could help with this, surely you could set up a routine amongst all of you so she has a timetable of visits (put up on the wall if necessary) so she knows what's going to happen and when. She could also have day care organised (like go to a day centre). However, you have to plan as well for if she doesn't get completely better. This can happen as well.

She may be wandering because she vaguely knows something is wrong but hasn't a clue what.

The problem must have existed for some time. I'm surprised it hasn't been looked at before.

None of these solutions have to include moving in with her. It could be less idealistically helpful than it seems.

PasturesNew

FreeworldImpossible wrote: »

.... she keeps ringing the neighbours through the night claiming that either there's a problem with the boiler (which is brand new) or smoke alarm is flashing (which is indicating normal operation) or the TV is playing up.

These are signs of dementia.

It's also common for older people, for a variety of reasons, to want people around them all the time - and if you enable this then it could become 24/7 'neediness' rather than enabling her continued independence.

I think the best way forward would be to investigate places she could move to, that are full of older people. I'd be looking at selling her house and renting an older person's flatlet, preferably in a place that has an adjacent care home.

It won't take much for her to become in need of a care home as there are many things that trigger the "beginning of the end".

I'd not be looking for her to buy her next place because it's a bit complex and long-winded at her stage of life. If she rents then as her needs change you're in a flexible position to ditch her living arrangements for whatever solution's better.

FreeworldImpossible

theartfullodger wrote: »

It sounds as though gran may well be "vulnerable" and perhaps not have the sharpest mind. Any decent person would not let them sell their home in such circumstances and I would hope any solicitor would put a stop to it.

Some might wonder if you have an ulterior motive for wanting to get your hands on the place: Can you please re-assure us that this is not the case and why?

I assure you this is not the reason. How I prove this I do not know.

We are her only family and it is left to us in the will. Her friend has sold her house and moved into sheltered accommodation, which we suggested to her might be a wise move for herself. She is dead set against this however, as this is the home that she raised her only child in whilst they also cared for her elderly Aunt who had brought her up as a child.

As previously mentioned, perhaps I need to speak to a social worker.

P.S. I did originally title this thread as "Options available to care for grandmother" in the family forum. It's just with her keep saying we should sell up and move in that I'd ask here first. Apologies if this sounds like an ulterior motive, but I assure you that it is not.