Pet hate - being asked for a title

missbiggles1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I don't have wide experience, I can't think of anyone I know who has said to use Ms, although I would use it if asked. I said that until MSE I had only come across it for divorcees or older single women therefore that is what I would think unless of course I knew the woman. That means that if I were to use Ms would expect people to think that of me.



I imagine they mean the extreme wing of the feminist movement.

What's that when it's at home?

tea_lover

Of course it is. Lots of people view Ms as meaning 'in same sex relationship'. I think that's changing now, as all titles become more fluid, and now we have the fantastic legal option of Mrs & Mrs .

No one is putting any value judgement on that - no one is saying that being seen as a lesbian or a divorcee is a bad thing - just that, for some, that is what the use of Ms implies.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Except, like it or not, it really doesn't.

It might not, but I have heard it used many a time in regards to that. Don't shoot the messenger.

cbrown372

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I would be unhappy at thinking someone was trying to make out that Ms was a way of saying they were gay. It would mean many of us couldnt use it - as doing so would imply we were gay too.

It's entirely someone's personal business if they are gay - but if anyone much tried to imply Ms meant that - then most of us would have to stop using this title. I certainly wouldnt use it any longer.

Iwould feel "they've taken our title - now what title can we use instead?"

I think that the title "Ms" may have originally been something that was used by women of a more left-wing persuasion (ie to the left of the Labour Party possibly?) - but I think that its one of those words that has come to mean something different over the decades and nowadays doesnt imply any particular political persuasion (just as well - as my own politics have changed somewhat over the years...:rotfl:).

***************

Re "Ms" being regarded differently in some parts of the country. That thought hadnt occurred to me. I started using it in my home city and I continue using it now I live in semi-rural Wales and dont expect people to think any differently about it. I have noticed the occasional local firm hesitating briefly if they ask for a title and so I tell them that and have just taken it as being "Oh that's one particular person that seems unfamiliar with it - that's unusual.....".

Dear lord you have been round the houses in this thread with your skewed opinions on class, titles and names which just proves that in fact you have no class. Perhaps you should go back to using the old fashioned (non political) spinster of this parish

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I would be unhappy at thinking someone was trying to make out that Ms was a way of saying they were gay.

I've never met anyone who used Ms as way of proclaiming they were gay - it's other people who don't understand the Mr/Ms idea who try to come up with their own explanation and decide it means a woman is gay/divorced/a militant feminist/etc rather than just a woman.

Nothing like making something simple very complicated!

missbiggles1

tea_lover wrote: »

Of course it is. Lots of people view Ms as meaning 'in same sex relationship'. I think that's changing now, as all titles become more fluid, and now we have the fantastic legal option of Mrs & Mrs .

No one is putting any value judgement on that - no one is saying that being seen as a lesbian or a divorcee is a bad thing - just that, for some, that is what the use of Ms implies.

Having used the title myself for nearly 40 years and during 2 hetero marriages I can honestly say nobody has ever assumed that or questioned me about it.

I don't know where you're meeting all these "lots of people" - Royston Vasey, perhaps?

moneyistooshorttomention

Person_one wrote: »

I've no idea why people thinking you're a lesbian would be so terrible or 'unkind' anyway, and its easily corrected if it matters.

It does matter to me - and why should I have to correct it?

I want people to make the "default assumption" - ie that I'm not one.

If other people want to be one or to be "gender fluid" - then that's entirely their choice - but I certainly don't want anyone wondering if I am. Even though they would soon be put right...

As Mojisola said - why complicate things unnecessarily? Ms just means "I am a person that isnt defined by their marital status" - no more, nor less than that.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Having used the title myself for nearly 40 years and during 2 hetero marriages I can honestly say nobody has ever assumed that or questioned me about it.

I don't know where you're meeting all these "lots of people" - Royston Vasey, perhaps?

Thing is, people might have thought it and you don't know. Disclaimer: not that there is anything wrong with that....before I get my head bitten off again.

Person_one

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

It does matter to me - and why should I have to correct it?

I want people to make the "default assumption" - ie that I'm not one.

If other people want to be one or to be "gender fluid" - then that's entirely their choice - but I certainly don't want anyone wondering if I am. Even though they would soon be put right...

Homophobia is no longer considered the norm.

moneyistooshorttomention

I dont know how many times or ways I have to find to say "Be what you blinkin' well like" re other peoples sexuality. Their choice. Their business and I will treat everyone the same regardless.

Just as it's my choice to take it for granted that I'm heterosexual and not like the thought that anyone would think for a moment I was anything else.

Most hetero people probably feel the same way.