What age do you let your children out alone?

peachyprice

Jagraf wrote: »

It's not a 15 year old being left on their own that I have a problem with. Being left on your own is part of the independence process. It's a child (of any age) being responsible for another child (of any age) which is the opposite. Emergencies are hard enough to handle without being responsible for another child.

I seem to be the only one who understand exactly what you mean;)

Leaving a child/children home alone is a whole different kettle of fish to making an older child responsible for a younger sibling. They can be 'at home' together without making them responsible for each other. It's a parents judgement call and responsibility to decide when their children are old enough to be left alone, you can't pass that responsibility onto another child by then putting one child in the role of the parent. Either they're old enough to be left as individuals or not.

My 14 yo is old enough and sensible enough to be left alone, has been for some years, but no way on earth would I leave my 21yo sons 'in charge' of her. It's plain wrong.

pigpen

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I agree with you. Too many parents give their children too little freedom in the years leading up to their becoming teenagers and too much once they're in their teens. It often needs to be the other way round.

I don't do that either.. I want to know where my 15 y/o is going, who with, what time they will be home.. we do negotiate on times.. obviously if they are just going 'in town' it is different to a cinema trip. I like to have at least met the friends she is going with too. I have met most of the friends parents too.

I wish my 17 y/o would go out!

My 18 y/o has to let me know when she is going out and what time to expect her back or if she is staying out where she will be (in case she is murdered/missing so I know where to send the police!).. mostly courtesy as in letting me know.. am I cooking her dinner or can I go to bed and does she have her key (to avoid 3am phone calls to let her in!).. I afford them the same info if I am going out, I just think it's polite.. I'm off to tesco do you want anything? I'm doing school run I'll be about an hour listen in case a parcel is delivered for example..

My 20 y/o has never stayed anywhere and his movements are like clockwork.. college and church (there's a girl ).

My 21 y/o who doesn't live at home still tells me where she is going usually. She usually knows where I'm going too.

I really hate to see the 'they are 12 now I've done my bit they can just do as they please from now on' .. parenting doesn't have an off switch!

pigpen

peachyprice wrote: »

My 14 yo is old enough and sensible enough to be left alone, has been for some years, but no way on earth would I leave my 21yo sons 'in charge' of her. It's plain wrong.

I have jokingly left my 2 y/o 'in charge' ... with my 20, 18, 17 and 15 y/o's at home with her.. I'm not usually wrong.. I come home to find the 4 older ones in a blanket fort and she is the dragon 'eating' them!

I was regularly left 'babysitting' from about 12 (younger siblings are 10 and 14 years younger than me) and I bloody hated it.. they weren't my children, I wasn't given a choice.. so I swore I'd not do it with mine. I was really miffed one school night I was just going to bed at 10pm (I was 16 just starting gcse prep) and my sister then 5 or 6 came down vomiting and my mother was out and took 3 hours to come home from the pub 5 minutes away to deal with her ill child..

FBaby

In my opinion, both children have to be mature enough to be on their own.

I think it very much depends on the relationship between the children. My two are 3 years apart and the youngest has always looked up to his sister. Now as teenagers, the relationship is more equal but when it is only the two of them, my son will still rely on his sister. DD has always been quite maternal towards him and I know that in an emergency, she would take over naturally and he would follow. I cannot think of the last time they had a disagreement, let alone an argument.

My friend who has children of the exact same age (but daughter youngest) could never have left them alone as DD would never have agreed to obey her older brother on the opposite, she would have been more likely to do exactly the opposite just to be defiant.

theoretica

peachyprice wrote: »

Leaving a child/children home alone is a whole different kettle of fish to making an older child responsible for a younger sibling. They can be 'at home' together without making them responsible for each other.

I am reminded that that is what my parents did occasionally - I was 5 and left occasionally with my 8 year older sibling. We mostly ignored each other, and were both rewarded for looking after ourselves, not just the elder for baby sitting.

Similarly, from that age when it was just me my parents did not hire a 'baby sitter'. They hired one of the neighbours' older children 'to keep me company'. I presume they would have taken charge had anything gone wrong, but it never did, so I got to experience freedom and responsibility from my point of view. And I think this is the important point - how things look to the child and how things look to the adults can be different!

missbiggles1

pigpen wrote: »

I don't do that either.. I want to know where my 15 y/o is going, who with, what time they will be home.. we do negotiate on times.. obviously if they are just going 'in town' it is different to a cinema trip. I like to have at least met the friends she is going with too. I have met most of the friends parents too.

I wish my 17 y/o would go out!

My 18 y/o has to let me know when she is going out and what time to expect her back or if she is staying out where she will be (in case she is murdered/missing so I know where to send the police!).. mostly courtesy as in letting me know.. am I cooking her dinner or can I go to bed and does she have her key (to avoid 3am phone calls to let her in!).. I afford them the same info if I am going out, I just think it's polite.. I'm off to tesco do you want anything? I'm doing school run I'll be about an hour listen in case a parcel is delivered for example..

My 20 y/o has never stayed anywhere and his movements are like clockwork.. college and church (there's a girl ).

My 21 y/o who doesn't live at home still tells me where she is going usually. She usually knows where I'm going too.

I really hate to see the 'they are 12 now I've done my bit they can just do as they please from now on' .. parenting doesn't have an off switch!

But I thought that several of your children had become pregnant (or made someone pregnant) when they were still in their teens?

pigpen

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But I thought that several of your children had become pregnant (or made someone pregnant) when they were still in their teens?

how is that even relevant to any of this?? the 2 that have children were living independently when they CHOSE to have a child.. as a consenting adult would you allow anyone to tell you when you were allowed to have a child or have sex because I certainly wouldn't!

I can just imagine my mother telling me I was not allowed to have a sh@g ... I'm kind of concerned about your obsession with the sex life of my ADULT children.. it's really creepy.

Jagraf

peachyprice wrote: »

I seem to be the only one who understand exactly what you mean;)

Leaving a child/children home alone is a whole different kettle of fish to making an older child responsible for a younger sibling. They can be 'at home' together without making them responsible for each other. It's a parents judgement call and responsibility to decide when their children are old enough to be left alone, you can't pass that responsibility onto another child by then putting one child in the role of the parent. Either they're old enough to be left as individuals or not.

My 14 yo is old enough and sensible enough to be left alone, has been for some years, but no way on earth would I leave my 21yo sons 'in charge' of her. It's plain wrong.

Agreed. What always annoys me is when a teen is being told off for not "keeping an eye on your brother" etc.

Parents don't hire babysitters / have older siblings looking after younger ones for the development of their children, they do it for their own purposes.

duchy

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But many people employ teenagers as baby sitters so I feel that's unrealistic. It would also mean you couldn't leave a 15 year old on their own because of a fear of emergencies.

Just because some people want a cheap sitter so pay a 14 year old to do it doesn't mean it is correct or responsible parenting.

missbiggles1

duchy wrote: »

Just because some people want a cheap sitter so pay a 14 year old to do it doesn't mean it is correct or responsible parenting.

Some people don't think a home is a dangerous place with hazards round every corner. (And I said 15, not 14.)