Adult sharing inappropriate content

settlerofcatan

*logged in under new name for obvious reasons*

I'm just after some advice on what I should do next or what I should expect to happen following the circumstances below. I need outside opinions.

I have a pre-teen son (let's call him Sam). He and his older brother live with me and see their dad regularly.

Last week I was checking Sam's facebook account to make sure he'd not been up to anything daft when I noticed that he was part of a group chat. The group chat was between him, his dad, and a few older teenage boys. Alarmingly, the content of this group chat was predominantly very upsetting memes. There were 'jokes' about p**ophilia, r*pe, racism, sexism, disabled people. There were images of hacked up bodies and people hanging. And sadly, a lot of this content had been put into the chat by Sam's dad.

Additionally, at a couple of points in the chat, Sam's dad posted hard p*rnography. And there is also a part where he is encouraging one of the boys (15) to have sex with girls.

At some points the boys in the chat responded with similar memes (not p*rnography). Also, sadly, Sam responded with those kind of memes too. Having looked now at Sam's internet history he's searched lots of horrible keywords to find these memes, but only on the days that this group chat was going on and also the weekend prior just after he came home from his dad's. There's no build up to him looking for this kind of content. It's quite sudden. Sam told us that a few weeks before this conversation started his dad started showing him, and his older brother, these images (but not the p*rn) on his own phone.

At this point it's probably worth saying that I have now turned on internet filters at home. I know I should have done that sooner.

Anyway, it took us (myself and my husband) a couple of days to work out what to do about this group chat. In the end we reported it to Social Services. They asked the police to look at it. The police are very concerned, but say that it falls short, slightly, of criminal behaviour. for various reasons. It looks like Sam's dad is in the group chat trying to 'impress' these lads and his son almost like he's a teenager himself.

So now I am waiting to find out what Social Services are going to do and how they are going to view it. The whole saga has been the only thing on my mind for a week now and it's been very upsetting and draining. I'm just looking for some outside thoughts on the matter. What would you do? How would you feel?

Sam's dad knows that I have found the chat, and he's apologetic, but as yet he doesn't know that Social Services/the police have been informed. I kept both boys home this weekend, though.

Stevie_Palimo

If the Police have said nothing to be charged/concerned with then I doubt social services will do a lot to be honest, Is this sort of thing not the norm for teenagers to look up anyway ?

I mean !!!!!! by the way and experimenting while testing the boundaries of what is acceptable, As you say he could be trying to impress and perhaps if the outcome of social services is similar to the Police then a firm but fare warning should be given to him that you disapprove of your kids being shown such things.

With technology the way it is these days and so many things at a push of a key a way it is hardly surprising that people will either look for certain things and or stumble upon then, May not be right but it is par for the course these days and will not change.

Teens do want to discover themselves and also impress there peers so it is about who can outdo who on the graphic image stakes.

settlerofcatan

Thank you. Really appreciate people's opinions.

I totally understand that teens will see these kind of things eventually. My main concerns were around the fact that Sam's dad was doing the instigating. He was the only person who put p*rn in the group as well, knowing that his pre-teen son could see it. In fact, we've since learnt that Sam was in the same physical room at the time and his dad was posting p*rn and laughing at Sam's reaction.

settlerofcatan

Also to say, the police are concerned, despite not going down the criminal route. They want to talk to Sam's dad.

Stevie_Palimo

settlerofcatan wrote: »

Thank you. Really appreciate people's opinions.

I totally understand that teens will see these kind of things eventually. My main concerns were around the fact that Sam's dad was doing the instigating. He was the only person who put p*rn in the group as well, knowing that his pre-teen son could see it. In fact, we've since learnt that Sam was in the same physical room at the time and his dad was posting p*rn and laughing at Sam's reaction.

Okay a pre-teen boy I missed that bit then nope his father should know better and needs to be told straight away it stops, As for the elder lad he will be seeing this from his peers no doubt.

Difficult one really but he dose need to be talked to and made aware that doing this is not acceptable, Your son will come across this stuff from his mates but may not happen for a years yet.

If the Police have said no criminal activity has been committed then they may just advise against this sort of behaviour as you need to do as well, He should be told straight it either stops or he has no further contact with him, May be harsh but it needs doing I believe.

HappyMJ

settlerofcatan wrote: »

Also to say, the police are concerned, despite not going down the criminal route. They want to talk to Sam's dad.

It sounds like it should all stop then and life carries on.

The dad is apologetic and may not have known that the younger boy was actually seeing this. Children are supposed to be 13 or over to even be on Facebook so therefore pre-teen children shouldn't even be on the service and should never actually see any posts at all.

A lot of Facebook is adult orientated. It's not a service aimed at children.

So...as the terms and conditions are knowingly being breached I would rectify the situation by removing the pre-teens access to Facebook.

settlerofcatan

He did know that he was seeing it because he was in the same physical room as him, laughing at him.

Appreciate the point about removing FB. Although, that said, this occurred in the private messaging service and there are many other apps that provide private messaging where it also could have happened.

fairy_lights

If your son is a pre-teen then why is he even on facebook?
Shut down his account and let him set one up again when he's 13, on the condition that he gives you access.

HappyMJ

settlerofcatan wrote: »

He did know that he was seeing it because he was in the same physical room as him, laughing at him.

Appreciate the point about removing FB. Although, that said, this occurred in the private messaging service and there are many other apps that provide private messaging where it also could have happened.

Which messaging service? No child under 13 should have access to a private messaging service.

Whatsapp requires users to be 16 or over.
Facebook requires users to be 13 or over.
Google Mail and Hangouts requires users to be 13 or over.
Skype requires users to be 13 or over.

Has the youngest actually read the T's and C's and entered in his actual date of birth when signing up to these services?

What level of !!!!!! is this? It's inappropriate at any level but any child 13 or over does have access to quite a significant amount of what would be considered soft !!!!!!.

Guest101

settlerofcatan wrote: »

Also to say, the police are concerned, despite not going down the criminal route. They want to talk to Sam's dad.

That means nothing.


'The Police', aren't concerned, one police constable is concerned and has words of advice.


Like for example if your tyres are close to being worn out.


I too think this is perfectly normal for young teens and it seems your son is more comfortable talking to his dad than to you.


Instead of addressing the issues through conversation you decided to call in the authorities, which just seems petty to be honest.

settlerofcatan

Sam's dad was showing him this content one-to-one, physically (on his phone) and also in a private chat between him and Sam, so, to be honest, unless I had ceased all contact between him and his dad entirely on every level, he'd still have seen it.

The !!!!!! was very hardcore.