No children at wedding

psychopathbabble

We didnt include children on any invites except for DH's family... we spoke to all our friends individually and explained that we understood if it was an issue but we wanted them to enjoy the day and weekend (a lot of them had to travel a fair distance to come to our wedding). My FIL was angry about not inviting family children (although we never actually said we weren't inviting them) but as it happened a few didn't bring their children anyway.. I think we ended up with 7 children instead of 30 odd had we invited all our friends children along.

Gavin83

I've been to child free weddings, I've been to weddings where the kids have been fine and others where they've literally ruined the day. However I can't say I've been to a single wedding where I feel they've really enhanced the day.

I don't plan to have my own children so I'd almost certainly have a child free wedding, partly as I wouldn't wish to take the risk of a ruined day. If some people couldn't come so be it. My ideal wedding would be tiny anyway.

Tammykitty

GwylimT wrote: »

Not everyone is willing to leave their children with a stranger, if childcare is needed past 6pm it is very hard to find as few childminders work late into the evening. So with a gift, possible travel/hotel costs and childcare costs, it can be a very expensive day for the parents.

Some people don't want to go, saying you can't because you have children is a convenient excuse. My brother is getting married in October, we aren't going as our youngest two aren't invited and we aren't willing to leave them with someone strange for the sake of a few vows and some food. Yes it showed him my true colours, that as a parent your children come first.

At least its fewer plates to pay for.

Sorry - I think it is very rude to not attend your brothers wedding.


As you have said the 2 youngest aren't invited, I assume you have older children who are invited.


Why can you not leave the 2 youngest with your partner and attend the wedding with your older children. As its your brothers wedding, I assume you will know some people at it so you won't be alone.


I can understand people not attending weddings due to lack of childcare if 1 parent doesn't want to attend alone due to not knowing anyone other than the bride and groom, or the 2 couples being friends, so not wanting to attend separately etc.


I know of a couple who turned down a wedding invitation due to having dog obedience classes that day (although I think they did go to the evening do).


I think the reason for the issue over children at weddings in recent years is due to changes in family demographics, when my aunts and cousins were getting married, if a couple had children and the mum's cousin was getting married, the children could be left with someone in the dad's family. Due to a rise in one parent families, and people living increasingly further away from their parents and families, this isn't as easy as it once was.


A wedding invitation isn't a summons but it is an invitation as the couple want you to share their day, so when I get an invitation I will try my best to attend, and to fit in with whatever their idea of a wedding day is. If they value my relationship enough to invite me, I value my relationship with them enough to try my best to attend.


I have turned down 2 wedding invitations, 1 due it conflicting with another wedding 2 hours away (Although the couple in question were having a bbq the next day, so we did go to it), and the other as it was my birthday and I didn't actually overly like the bride (I think it was mutual), but we were in the same group of friends, so she probably felt she had to invite me. I invited her to my wedding to, but she didn't attend either - so worked out well.

thriftylass

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Update: Invites have gone out and a couple people (cousins) are not happy and won't be able to attend because their children can't. It's made me even more confident in my decision to have no children. Makes you see peoples true colours. I am pretty sure that given 3 months notice people can find a baby sitter. Another one, who has a partner, is not coming. Why can't you just leave the kids with him?

Sorry but even with 3 months notice you can't "just find" a babysitter. We would struggle also as this is a short time to find one if you never used one that isn't family or friends. "Makes you see peoples true colours" is very harsh. When we had our wedding we had kids there as ours where there (but had to reduce the number of couples invited) and of course that was our choice. But had we said no kids we would have expected a lot of people not be ably to turn up especially if it goes late into the night or even overnight.

We have a wedding in Aug and no kids are allowed (space/money issue for the couple). My OH will go by himself and I will have to decline to keep the children home. Again this is ok with me and the couple as we needed to find a compromise.

Torry_Quine

Tammykitty wrote: »

Sorry - I think it is very rude to not attend your brothers wedding.


As you have said the 2 youngest aren't invited, I assume you have older children who are invited.


Why can you not leave the 2 youngest with your partner and attend the wedding with your older children. As its your brothers wedding, I assume you will know some people at it so you won't be alone.


I can understand people not attending weddings due to lack of childcare if 1 parent doesn't want to attend alone due to not knowing anyone other than the bride and groom, or the 2 couples being friends, so not wanting to attend separately etc.


I know of a couple who turned down a wedding invitation due to having dog obedience classes that day (although I think they did go to the evening do).


I think the reason for the issue over children at weddings in recent years is due to changes in family demographics, when my aunts and cousins were getting married, if a couple had children and the mum's cousin was getting married, the children could be left with someone in the dad's family. Due to a rise in one parent families, and people living increasingly further away from their parents and families, this isn't as easy as it once was.


A wedding invitation isn't a summons but it is an invitation as the couple want you to share their day, so when I get an invitation I will try my best to attend, and to fit in with whatever their idea of a wedding day is. If they value my relationship enough to invite me, I value my relationship with them enough to try my best to attend.


I have turned down 2 wedding invitations, 1 due it conflicting with another wedding 2 hours away (Although the couple in question were having a bbq the next day, so we did go to it), and the other as it was my birthday and I didn't actually overly like the bride (I think it was mutual), but we were in the same group of friends, so she probably felt she had to invite me. I invited her to my wedding to, but she didn't attend either - so worked out well.

I disagree, personally I think its very rude to expect a sibling to attend without their children. I definately wouldn't go without my spouse to a wedding.

Gloomendoom

Gavin83 wrote: »

I don't plan to have my own children so I'd almost certainly have a child free wedding, partly as I wouldn't wish to take the risk of a ruined day. If some people couldn't come so be it. My ideal wedding would be tiny anyway.

I don't wish to have any children but didn't have a child free wedding. It never even crossed my mind. It's a family celebration after all. I would go as far as to say that the children at the wedding definitely enhanced the day and I'm sure that I am not alone in feeling that way.

However, we did go to some lengths to make sure that our wedding was "child friendly". There were plenty of games, kiddies films, farmyard animals and a pool for them to drown in (actually, parents took turns to supervise the pool).

Claire_A87

I've had to deal with this scenario recently. A cousin of mine is getting married and it's a no children event. I was in no way resentful of it, like a pp said just disappointed that my son wasn't included. My OP's parents are out of the country at the time of the wedding and the rest of my family will be at the wedding, so unfortunately we have had to decline. As a parent I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to leave your child with a babysitter (who in my case would be a stranger to them), no matter how much notice is given. Of course my partner could stay at home whilst I go, but he and my child are my family & not attending together doesn't sit right with me.

I find it sad OP that you view people as having showed their 'true colours' by not being able to come. In the case of my cousin's wedding, I wished them every happiness on the day and for the future, which I sincerely meant. Most people I know have no objection to couples wanting a child-free wedding, but it doesn't mean they will therefore attend without their children. It also doesn't automatically mean they are showing any malice or ill will towards you, just because they've had to decline. All in all, I think your attitude towards the situation is all wrong.

seven-day-weekend

But if people say they won't go to a wedding without their children, does that mean they will never go anywhere without them? If they would, then what is the difference? Genuine question.

Claire_A87

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But if people say they won't go to a wedding without their children, does that mean they will never go anywhere without them? If they would, then what is the difference? Genuine question.

Ah you see for me it's not that I definitely wouldn't go to the wedding without my son, I actually would have done if I had OH's parents to look after him. I suppose to theorise for other couples, weddings are quite family orientated (I know there's been a debate about this earlier in the thread), and to not attend without members of your immediate family can feel wrong. Obviously I can't speak on behalf of all parents, but weddings tend to have an inclusive celebratory feel, and to not share that with all your nearest and dearest is a deal breaker for some people. Other outings don't have the same resonance with 'family' and 'togetherness' so leaving the kids behind doesn't feel as inherently wrong. Eugh, I've definitely not articulated myself at all well there, but hopefully you can see what I was aiming at.

seven-day-weekend

Claire_A87 wrote: »

Ah you see for me it's not that I definitely wouldn't go to the wedding without my son, I actually would have done if I had OH's parents to look after him. I suppose to theorise for other couples, weddings are quite family orientated (I know there's been a debate about this earlier in the thread), and to not attend without members of your immediate family can feel wrong. Obviously I can't speak on behalf of all parents, but weddings tend to have an inclusive celebratory feel, and to not share that with all your nearest and dearest is a deal breaker for some people. Other outings don't have the same resonance with 'family' and 'togetherness' so leaving the kids behind doesn't feel as inherently wrong. Eugh, I've definitely not articulated myself at all well there, but hopefully you can see what I was aiming at.

But maybe the children are NOT the 'nearest and dearest' of the bride and groom. They may never even have met them. If they invite them, there may not be any room for people they would like to be there.