No children at wedding

Andrew_Ryan_89

Hey guys, thanks for all your help so far. So, my fianc! and I just sent out, via WhatsApp, Save the Dates. We are now doing up a website for people to RSVP. Assuming everyone attends, we have now pretty much reached the capacity of the venue, having about 10 places left.

I don't mind kids there but would prefer none to be honest. However, a lot of our family may not be able to find carers as most of the family will be at the wedding. So far we have just invited our nephews and nieces. My cousins have quite a few children between them and will probably assume they are invited.

I wanted advice on -

1. How do we nicely address the issue about bringing children or an unexpected +1
2. Main reason I don't want children is because they cry or frankly can't be quiet when they are supposed to be. Any advice how to tackle this for the children that will be there?

Update: Invites have gone out and a couple people (cousins) are not happy and won't be able to attend because their children can't. It's made me even more confident in my decision to have no children. Makes you see peoples true colours. I am pretty sure that given 3 months notice people can find a baby sitter. Another one, who has a partner, is not coming. Why can't you just leave the kids with him?

System

I don't mind kids there but would prefer none to be honest. However, a lot of our family may not be able to find carers as most of the family will be at the wedding. So far we have just invited our nephews and nieces.

You either allow children to come or you dont. You cant handpick what children you want and dont want. Your going to find yourself very unpopular if you do.

If you dont want children at your wedding and the family cant find childminders i dont expect you will have many people attend,

walwyn1978

Have you put anything about children on the invitations? That way everyone knows where they stand.

victor2

Judi wrote: »

You either allow children to come or you dont. You cant handpick what children you want and dont want. Your going to find yourself very unpopular if you do.

If you dont want children at your wedding and the family cant find childminders i dont expect you will have many people attend,

^^exactly that^^
My sister's wedding many years ago clearly stated "no children" on the invites. As we had two, we declined. It was only pleading from my father that made us find someone to mind the children so we could go.
But that was a blanket ban, not a selective one - which I can't see working at all.

lizzy85

I agree below. Be consistent and its your wedding, you can do whatever you want. They have options to not attend if they don't like what you want.

TBagpuss

Are you planning to send out invitations as well as save the dates? If so, a starting point is to specifically name the people who are invited. It doesn't stop people making assumptions but it is clearer than if you don't name them.

If you are doing replies via a website, can you set it up so that people have to input the names of the people who are coming? That way, you would at least have some warning (if people respond saying mum, dad and two kids are coming,when you only intended to invite mum and dad) At that point you can either pick up the phone and have a conversation with them explaining that you only intended to invite the adults, or you can look at the numbers and decide whether you can include the extras or not.

If the people you think will make assumptions are family,can you simply explain to them? Make an opportuity to speak to them, let them know that you are not inviting children and just wanted to make sure that htye know, so they can make arrangements for childcare.

You could also see whether there is anything you could offer - for instance, make enquiries as to whether there ate any local child minders who would be prepared to look after children for the duration of the wedding - then you could contact the parents and say "You've probably made your own arrangements for a babysitter for while you are at the wedding, but if not, [name] is a registered child-minder based at [ location / proximity to venue] who is able to look after up to x children during the wedding for £xx per child. This is on a first-come, first served basis. Her telephone number is xxxxxxx"

In terms of any children who are invited, I think it depends on age. If they are older, then you can say to the parents "we know they may find it boring - do bring along a book or something small they can play with quietly during the ceremony"

If you are worried about them getting bored / noisy during the toasts at the reception then you could consider providing small gifts or toys as wedding favours, to give them something to do. (at my sister's wedding reception, each child got a couple of sheets of origami paper and some age-appropriate instructions, for instance, )

I do think, though, that either not inviting any kids at all, or inviting those in the families you invite, is far less likely to cause bad feeling than if you pick and chose.

Goldiegirl

Weddings seem very complicated these days

Marktheshark

I suppose its a good way to find out if you really are as popular as you think you are.

no1catman

Why not mark it as 'adults only'!

KxMx

Easy, put some text on the RSVP website to the effect of "invited adults only due to space constraints"

Jagraf

My friend got round it by having the chikdren she wanted there as part of the wedding party. Otherwise it was adults only. Worked fine and most adults were able to attend - even stay over the night.