No children at wedding

Honeylife

My youngest sister called and asked me how did I feel about her not inviting my children at her wedding. I was delighted! An evening out with no children was a breath of fresh air to me and then hubby with 3 children under 8. Their paternal grandparents had them for the weekend and my the OH and I had a childfree weekend! Get In! :T

Roll forward a few years, my second wedding my new partner we decided on no children for two reasons, we had a venue that restricted numbers and we preferred to fill those seats with adults rather than children and we had had sufficient experience of children being disruptive at wedding (ie mine!) We rang people and told them almost a year in advance. Some were shocked but most accepted it. Only one person was unpleasant and ranted about excluding children. They did come. There were two babes in arms who sat on their parents laps, one being my new sister in laws and another breast feeding cousin both who also left after meal and speeches. One person turned up with their uninvited 12 year old! She had to be squeezed into seating with a fold up chair and the parents were very apologetic. I had rung her and said no children, she said she had forgotten.

Another sister in law had an entire room set aside for children with entertainment, two professional carers with small tables and kiddies food and drink. Basically a private kiddies party going on whilst the adults were in the main area with food and speeches. The kids hated being separated from their parents so were constantly "escaping" into the main room. She tried!

Its your day, do what you want but its a good idea to talk to people rather that put it in the corner of the invite.

Gloomendoom

onlyroz wrote: »

I don't really get why you would invite cousins that you haven't seen in years,

Perhaps because you haven't seen them in years?

onlyroz

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Perhaps because you haven't seen them in years?

These are cousins who have gone off and got jobs, spouses and had children without making any attempt to stay in touch with the OP. Why would they want such people at their wedding when there are closer people who are being declined invites?

indiepanda

Gavin83 wrote: »

I've been to child free weddings, I've been to weddings where the kids have been fine and others where they've literally ruined the day. However I can't say I've been to a single wedding where I feel they've really enhanced the day.

I don't plan to have my own children so I'd almost certainly have a child free wedding, partly as I wouldn't wish to take the risk of a ruined day. If some people couldn't come so be it. My ideal wedding would be tiny anyway.

Totally agree. In the unlikely event of me marrying, I would want to use my budget to have people there whose company I enjoy, not their children who at best will be nice people of a different generation who I don't know - basically no better than strangers - and at best will disrupt the day.

I recall going to a friend's wedding, service at local church so lots of the congregation attended even though they weren't coming to reception. The number of people who thought it was ok to let their children screech through the ceremony astounded me. Couldn't hear the vows for all the racket they were making.

Have also seen friends bring children to weddings, have the meal and then leave almost immediately afterwards (or even during) to take the kid home as it is getting fractious. Not spent any time with the bride or groom, not enjoyed the evening entertainment, but the money has been spent to have them there all day - bit of a waste really.

If it's really impossible to afford a baby sitter/find relatives to cover or mum is still breast feeding, I can understand parents wanting to bring them or choosing not to come to a child free wedding.

However generally I think weddings are too long a day for children not to be bored and it's a bit selfish of parents to take up a place for a child who probably won't enjoy it if they have an alternative. Obviously if the bride or groom have made it clear they really want the child there that's a different matter, but I think most people want the parents and are grudgingly accepting having to invite their children to keep the peace.

Andrew_Ryan_89

onlyroz wrote: »

I don't really get why you would invite cousins that you haven't seen in years, people whom you have no idea what they've been up to or whether they have partners or kids of their own.

If the guest list is so tight surely you could exclude these people and then have space for more people who you are actually close to? But each to their own I guess...

The cousins I invited are all on one side of the family and though we may not seen or spoke to each other in year, we will notice each other on the street and happily have a conversation. These are my immediate cousins. To be fair to everyone, the rule we have in place in regards to who we invite (from my family) was parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and first cousins (regardless of age). Then the infamous "no children" (again, regardless of age).

One of my cousins has a child who is in their early teens. Never seen him or her (just no she has a child) in my life but they won't be invited. It would be awkward to cherry pick which cousins can bring their children so it was either an open acceptance or a blanket ban. Having everyone bring their children would have meant my partner would have to do the same and we'll end up having 25+ more guest (most of whom we wouldn't even know) costing us an extra £1,000. As things stand we are not going on a honeymoon immediately after as we can't afford it!

Gloomendoom

indiepanda wrote: »

However generally I think weddings are too long a day for children not to be bored and it's a bit selfish of parents to take up a place for a child who probably won't enjoy it if they have an alternative.

They can get bored but knowing that, you can take steps to prevent it. If there is enough of them, they seem to feed off each other's energy. I suppose that we were lucky in that we didn't really have any limits on numbers due to the slightly unconventional way that we organised our wedding, so there was no question of a child taking an adults 'place'.

Person_one

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

The cousins I invited are all on one side of the family and though we may not seen or spoke to each other in year, we will notice each other on the street and happily have a conversation. These are my immediate cousins. To be fair to everyone, the rule we have in place in regards to who we invite (from my family) was parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and first cousins (regardless of age). Then the infamous "no children" (again, regardless of age).

One of my cousins has a child who is in their early teens. Never seen him or her (just no she has a child) in my life but they won't be invited. It would be awkward to cherry pick which cousins can bring their children so it was either an open acceptance or a blanket ban. Having everyone bring their children would have meant my partner would have to do the same and we'll end up having 25+ more guest (most of whom we wouldn't even know) costing us an extra £1,000. As things stand we are not going on a honeymoon immediately after as we can't afford it!

You did say in your OP that you'd already invited nieces and nephews though, is that the case? If it is then maybe its the fact that you keep saying 'no children' when it clearly isn't the case that is bothering some people!

tatabubbly

Meh, no idea why people aren't okay with no children weddings - and I say that as a pregnant lady who has been invited to 3 weddings in the next year. Told bride and grooms to be that me and hubby would appreciate a baby free day so not to worry about inviting baby along.

It's one day - are people really that precious about their off spring? Your friends/extended family know and like you - doesn't mean they have to like your kids as well.

At our wedding, our niece screamed the whole way through our vows - which now when I look at people videos really ruined it as I can't hear a fudging thing - guaranteed nobody on the day did either.

onlyroz

tatabubbly wrote: »

At our wedding, our niece screamed the whole way through our vows - which now when I look at people videos really ruined it as I can't hear a fudging thing - guaranteed nobody on the day did either.

Did you take steps to mitigate this, for example by asking the ushers to seat parents with babies and toddlers on the aisle seats, and indicating to them which exits could be used if the child needed a break during the ceremony?

tatabubbly

onlyroz wrote: »

Did you take steps to mitigate this, for example by asking the ushers to seat parents with babies and toddlers on the aisle seats, and indicating to them which exits could be used if the child needed a break during the ceremony?

Yip, niece was youngest child there and her mother didn't want to take her out as she'd miss our vows :mad::mad:

What could I do? Stop the service in the middle of our wedding vows and be like 'I love my niece very much but please take her outside'..

There was literally one entrance and one exit. Niece had toys got specially for her as well for service - we had 2 kids under 5 at our wedding and was well catered for. I'd never take a child to a wedding - unless in the bridal party and needs to attend.