No children at wedding

sheramber

sulphate wrote: »

I totally understand why you don't want a lot of children at your wedding. It's your day after all and you deserve to have the one you want.

However, you have to understand that if you choose not to invite children you will have to swallow the simple fact that some parents will choose not to attend your wedding based on this. Accept it and don't get !!!!y about it. When we got married, we invited children so didn't have this issue but a few people declined because they couldn't get the time off work (and we got married on a Saturday). Did it bug me? No, not at all and I certainly didn't moan on a forum about how it showed their "true colours".

My 16 month old has so far only ever been looked after by his parents or grandparents. If he was not invited to a wedding and both sets of grandparents were unavailable for babysitting, then either myself or my husband would stay at home to look after him. But if, say the couple were a friend of mine and we had no mutual friends then neither of us would go because I have no interest in going to a wedding alone when the only people I would know are the couple getting married when I could be spending the day with my family. Yes, we could find a babysitter - but I don't want the first time for my son to be left with a stranger for it to be for the whole day and evening. My child will always be my main concern and, therefore, I'm afraid attending a childfree wedding isn't going to be the top of my priority list.

There is no need to leave a child for a whole day. You are not required to stay until the bitter end.

The last wedding I attended the baby was left after lunchtime and mum left the reception at 6 o'clock to go home.

Some people only arrived at the reception after the meal so only an evening babysitter would be needed.

If it was important for you to share the couple's day you would find a way. If it is not important then don't go but be honest about why.

seven-day-weekend

Jagraf wrote: »

I absolutely agree. however, I have mostly experienced people saying "my children are part of my family and if you don't invite them we are not coming" rather than just saying "sorry we can't come". My ex husband had that three times in his family - someone's 21st, someone's wedding and a christening. The children still weren't invited though.

But that's a silly argument, isn't it. Would you expect the whole family to be invited to a cinema trip, a cocktail party, a hen/stag do or a childrens' birthday party? It's just people being precious.

AylesburyDuck

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But that's a silly argument, isn't it. Would you expect the whole family to be invited to a cinema trip, a cocktail party, a hen/stag do or a childrens' birthday party? It's just people being precious.

How is it silly, whats more shocking is that you dont see a difference.:eek:

onlyroz

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But that's a silly argument, isn't it. Would you expect the whole family to be invited to a cinema trip, a cocktail party, a hen/stag do or a childrens' birthday party? It's just people being precious.

A wedding is different to all of the above. It's a long protracted event specifically designed to join two families together and to publicly demonstrate your love for your partner and their family. To compare it to a cinema trip is quite frankly ludicrous.

warehouse

I got married 21 years ago and the one thing I still remember clearly is the little brat running around the reception tables because she was "bored".

If I could rewind the clock I'd have a complete ban on kids at my wedding, OP good on you.

onlyroz

sheramber wrote: »

There is no need to leave a child for a whole day. You are not required to stay until the bitter end.

Perhaps you want to? In my experience the best bit of a wedding is the part after all the formalities have finished - where you can mingle with all the guests (not just the half-dozen put on the same table as you) and catch up with people that you might not have seen in years (and yes, meet their kids too).

As for "evening only" guests - I've always found that to be a bit odd. Like there are two grades of friends. But then again I've never really seen the attraction of a wedding with hundreds and hundreds of guests either, and the expectation that you must invite distant cousins, or aunties that you haven't seen in 20 years.

Jagraf

warehouse wrote: »

I got married 21 years ago and the one thing I still remember clearly is the little brat running around the reception tables because she was "bored".

If I could rewind the clock I'd have a complete ban on kids at my wedding, OP good on you.

At my first wedding a child ran up to the top table during the speeches, pulled at the table cloth and a cup of black coffee went down the front of my dress. The mum "in charge" handed me a wet wipe. Not only did it interrupt the speeches, it ruined my dress. I was in my twenties.

Im no longer close to that family member - she never acknowledged or apologised. Weddings are not to bring families together - there is no legal or moral necessity to have any relatives at a marriage - they are for the bride and groom and THEY only decide what their day is to be about.

Jagraf

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But that's a silly argument, isn't it. Would you expect the whole family to be invited to a cinema trip, a cocktail party, a hen/stag do or a childrens' birthday party? It's just people being precious.

They alienated themselves for quite a while - people couldn't be bothered to invite them.

onlyroz

Jagraf wrote: »

Weddings are not to bring families together - there is no legal or moral necessity to have any relatives at a marriage - they are for the bride and groom and THEY only decide what their day is to be about.

I really don't think it's healthy to view your partner in isolation from their family. Yes, it is them that you are marrying and not their family, but most people require a wider support network than just their spouse and want to share their special experiences with other people.

Sure, you could disappear off to Gretna or Vegas to get married with just a handful of witnesses - but before you do so perhaps you should consider how you would feel if your own child did the same. Would you not feel hurt that they considered you so utterly unimportant as they took the big step of forming a new family of their own?

Person_one

Not everybody has a family, or a family that is supportive and caring, so sometimes it is perfectly understandable to have a wedding that isn't a family occasion.

Some adults prefer not to have children at weddings and want a sophisticated adults only environment, others can't imagine getting married without all the children of their family and friends their to join in the fun. Both of these are acceptable viewpoints.

Children are not all insufferable brats, most of them are perfectly nice and behave well most of the time, people who choose child free weddings don't need to be rude about other people's kids to justify that choice. Equally, parents who are invited to weddings without their children should try not to see it as a snub and shouldn't be rude about those who choose not to have them at the event.

I do think that 'wedding culture' has gone bonkers and encourages terrible levels of self centredness, but choosing to include children or not is far from the worst of that!