No children at wedding

Jagraf

Mojisola wrote: »

This does seem to be the way things are going.

A marriage (rather than the party afterwards) used to be thought of as a public union of two families and so it was the business of the close relatives as well as the couple.

Most couples needed the support and help of their families in order to get a household together and to raise their children.

But to be fair life has moved on. And taking your point on board, if family move away they are hardly going to be there to help raise the bride and grooms kids.

dirty_magic

HornetSaver wrote: »

Some social events involving adults take place with children, some take place without. I've never met anyone who doesn't accept that this is a fact of life.

But try organising an adult-only event before 7pm, and you'll end up having family and friends disown you. Absolute hysteria.

Hemera wrote: »

I don't like this idea of not inviting children, and I don't like the idea of picking who can come and who can't completely disregarding the invitee's situation in life and feelings - this includes things like inviting someone who doesn't know anyone else (or who has to travel a long way) without a +1, or inviting someone but not their partner. In general, I think the organiser of an event has a duty to make people comfortable, and not just to do as he/she pleases "because it's my party". But then again, I come from another place and my culture is different.

One thing is pretty general though, at least IMHO: as other people are already said, you have the right to make your own choice (and to expect people not to be offended by them), but you have to extend the same right to the invitees.

The problem is if you start inviting people you don't know so you don't offend anyone it ends up being a huge wedding where the bride and groom hardly know anyone. If I got married I'd want it to be close friends and family only. I have quite a big family as it is and I don't like being the centre of attention. Plus OH has a very small family so it would end up being all my guests if I gave everyone plus ones.

The same goes for children, especially if you get married when you're a bit older or it's a second wedding. You could end up with more children there than adults and it would be more like a kids party than a wedding. I wouldn't exclude kids myself, but I can understand why people do.

If you read other threads on here about weddings it seems that a lot of people don't like them and will complain about it after anyway so you'll never keep everyone happy! I've been at weddings myself where people have been criticising everything on the day, it's so rude!

FBaby

I thought most weddings involved some sort of compromise? To start with, between bride and groom because it isn't uncommon for them to disagree to start with. I wanted to marry abroad with as few people as possible, OH had done that first time and wanted a local wedding with all his friends and family. I respected his choice and we compromised on a fantastic honeymoon.

Then there was the compromise in regards to whom we were inviting. We both agreed no children so that's how it went, but then my cousin wanted her daughter there, so we agreed and a friend showed up with her son too! In the end, the reasons we didn't want children were both to reduce numbers and because we didn't want them to overtake the place. As it was, the few kids who were there were extremely well behaved, so it was actually nice to have them.

Surely it isn't that difficult in most cases to find a middle ground by which you can make some compromises that doesn't ruin your wedding whilst guests also accept that it is about your day, not theirs?

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

This does seem to be the way things are going.

A marriage (rather than the party afterwards) used to be thought of as a public union of two families and so it was the business of the close relatives as well as the couple.

Most couples needed the support and help of their families in order to get a household together and to raise their children.

Jagraf wrote: »

But to be fair life has moved on.

Isn't that what I said?

Many people when they marry have been financially independent for years and may well live some distance from their families.

The mindset is different now and people are used to making their own decisions to suit themselves rather than slavishly following traditions.

silvercar

He who pays the piper calls the tune.

cadon

I hope you have a wonderful day, OP.

A friend of mine is doing similar and I'm so proud of her for arranging a day that she and her fiance will treasure for years to come. A few people haven't been able to attend for childcare reasons, and that's sad all round, but the vast majority are attending and no one has fallen out over this.

Yes, it's been inconvenient for people with kids. But she's been incredibly thoughtful with her choice of location (those of us who are travelling can actually get there by public transport, it's not in a field in the middle of bloody nowhere), she gave us all plenty of notice to plan/think about it, and we can either stay at the venue or in any of the nearby cheaper ones (it's in an area where there is a good choice).

It will be lovely being able to actually hear the ceremony rather than screaming, bawling kids. Why parents never take their children outside when they start making a racket, I don't know. You would have thought it good manners.

The day is about you and your future husband, and the two of you should have a wedding that makes you both happy. If you don't want children there, don't let anyone guilty you into inviting any.

Person_one

cadon wrote: »

I hope you have a wonderful day, OP.

The day is about you and your future husband, and the two of you should have a wedding that makes you both happy. If you don't want children there, don't let anyone guilty you into inviting any.

I think the OP is marrying a woman.

I'm not sure why this has become a thread about children vs no children at weddings. Despite the slightly misleading title, the OP said right at the beginning he wanted to invite children he is close to, just not all the children of everyone invited.

Peter333

Cunninglinguist wrote: »

Child-hating Britain. We're renowned for it.

Love dogs, hate kids.

Enjoy your child-free wedding OP. When your own little ones come along you'll think your children are wonderful and everyone else's are brats, no doubt.

No we're not!

Most people I know like children. What people DON'T like - or want at their wedding - is naughty children, disrupting the event, screaming and hollering so loud that no-one can hear themselves think, and ruining the day for the bride and groom, who are - sorry to tell you this - the most important people there!

It's badly behaved children people don't like, not children in general. And not only do people dislike badly behaved children, but they also dislike parents who don't give a stuff how their children are behaving, or how much they are disrupting things for everyone else!

And I don't know about the OP, or anyone else, but I know for a fact that my children WERE wonderful, and very well behaved, and some other peoples children WERE brats, but that is because my wife and I raised them properly. They weren't perfect, and still aren't, but they're pretty darned close!

It seems a shame to exclude children from weddings, but people do have the right to do that; it's THEIR WEDDING.

(Of course, they should not complain if people don't turn up though, if the kids are not invited..........)

Jagraf

Cunninglinguist wrote: »

Child-hating Britain. We're renowned for it.

Love dogs, hate kids.

Enjoy your child-free wedding OP. When your own little ones come along you'll think your children are wonderful and everyone else's are brats, no doubt.

So many assumptions in such a short post.

Peter333

Cunninglinguist wrote: »

But everyone thinks like that. Children are like farts, - everyone else's are smelly and awful, but your own are ok.

Not when I've had sprouts with Sunday roast! :rotfl:

I could clear Wembley Stadium in the blink of an eye with one of my sprout-farts!

Seriously tho, regarding kids: mine aren't angels, but they were always pretty well behaved.