What are your relationships with your siblings like?

bluenoseam

More simplified & arguably dignified version than I posted earlier.

Younger sister annoys me at times, peeves me off at others but mostly I get on alright with her - most of the time it's mostly banter.

Older sister I have zero dealings with for various reasons (you may have seen the post!), needless to say I lose no sleep over not speaking to her.

enthusiasticsaver

I have a brother who is 11 years younger than me and a sister who is 3 years younger. They live in the London area whereas we live in the West Country but remain as close as possible given the distance we live apart. They both come down to see me and my family around two or three times a year and I go up to see them at least twice a year if not more. We have all done holidays together and all get on really well when we spend time with each other. We don't really argue maybe because our time together is limited and we don't see each other often enough to get annoyed with each other.

Foxriver8

Person_one wrote: »

Have you tried actually being honest and admitting how rubbish you feel when he is so unkind?

"You're a spoiled brat"
"That's a very hurtful thing to say"

"You're so selfish"
"It upsets me when you make nasty comments like that, why do you do it?"

You don't have to play along, or accept it, or defend yourself. You aren't teenagers anymore!

I get along really well with my siblings most of the time, but if we p*** each other off (which is bound to happen from time to time!) we air the grievance, apologise/make amends, forgive and move on. I don't think name calling like you describe has happened since we were about 13 though.

I have tried that a few times I'm sure, he just kind of blusters and doesn't say much, but sticks to his guns that I am. It is just so ingrained in him that it wasn't ever going to change. Yes, it did upset me from time to time (I mean, it was always a bit upsetting but by and late I was used to it - every so often I would get really upset though) but it was the way it was, and it was never going to change, and is accepted that. Since this fight though, he has just withdrawn completely, he's not even remotely civil. We were at a relatives 60th birthday party and I was getting a round in and asked if he wanted a drink and he just stared at me. That really upset me.

This fight a year ago by the way, it was our mums 60th and I was trying to organise a birthday party and he said he couldn't come because he was picking his girlfriend and her niece up from the airport. I was thoroughly fed up by this point and made an admittedly sarcastic comment something about her family always coming first and that's not a valid reason to miss your mums 60th. This was all via text message and he started texting back how selfish i am and why can't I be more like his gf who does loads for her family. The irony of it seemed lost on him.....

Marvel1

1 younger sister by 3 years, never got on much growing up, but since she had her Son (now 8), we get on a lot more. Also has a Daughter (now 3).

pigpen

Person_one wrote: »

Have you tried actually being honest and admitting how rubbish you feel when he is so unkind?

"You're a spoiled brat"
"That's a very hurtful thing to say"

"You're so selfish"
"It upsets me when you make nasty comments like that, why do you do it?"

I'd go in from a different tack..

He doesn't give a toss about your feelings.. he has nothing but bitterness and contempt..

"you're a spoiled brat"
" Thats rich coming from a venomous maggot such as yourself! What have I ever done that makes you assume I am spoiled?"

"you're so selfish"
"and you are a nasty piece of filth who has never a good or kind word to say."

And the second word would be 'off' and I'd not have anything to do with him again until he gets his crazy a$$ self sorted out!



A bride chooses her bridesmaids there is no reason to assume you would ever have been included whether he had a crown of daisies and a halo! There is no way I would even consider having OH sister as a bridesmaid.. nor when I married cf.. his sister was 13/14 it never even crossed my mind.

springdreams

My siblings and I get on fairly well, although some of us get along better than others. I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. A few of us are going on holiday together in August.

I agree with pigpen - there is no reason to believe that you would have been asked to be a bridesmaid at your brother's wedding even if you had been getting along like a house on fire. The bride chooses the bridesmaids, who are usually her sisters and/or close friends.

barbiedoll

To be honest, it sounds as though your five year old brother had his nose put of of joint when you were born, and he's never quite got over it.

You are not the reason that he was bullied as a child, I daresay that you are not a "spoiled brat" and you don't sound selfish, grasping or horrid in any way. The problem is his, not yours.

Just because we're related to our family/siblings, doesn't mean that we have to all get along. It's lovely if we do, I'm lucky that I get on well with both my brother and sister, even if we do drive each other mad sometimes. My cousin and her sister don't get along with each other at all, despite being very close in age. They are simply two very different people who would never have anything to do with each other if they weren't part of the same family.

I would definitely call him out if he continues to belittle you in future but don't lose sleep over the fact that he seems to dislike you. There really isn't much that you can do about that, he obviously has some reason for it, although I doubt that even he really knows why. You don't have to take his abuse but as for trying to get him to change his mind about you, why bother? He is the one that is missing out on a potentially loving family relationship, so if he wants to ignore you, then let him.

And don't worry about not being a bridesmaid at his wedding, you're probably dodging a bullet there if some of the bridezilla stories on here are anything to go by!

Foxriver8

springdreams wrote: »

My siblings and I get on fairly well, although some of us get along better than others. I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers. A few of us are going on holiday together in August.

I agree with pigpen - there is no reason to believe that you would have been asked to be a bridesmaid at your brother's wedding even if you had been getting along like a house on fire. The bride chooses the bridesmaids, who are usually her sisters and/or close friends.

Thank you, yes I understand that. I wasn't particularly bothered about it (I'm still not, in the scheme of things) but when I had mentioned that he is getting married quite a few people (friends, colleagues etc) have asked if I will be a bridesmaid and been surprised when I've said no, and said "but its usual for the grooms sister to be asked, isn't it?". This has just made me feel even worse about the whole thing. But if the consensus on here is that it's not to be expected the that's one thing I can stop being upset about

onlyroz

I get on OK with my brother but we're not particularly close. I most certainly wouldn't have expected to be a bridesmaid at his wedding - surely it's the norm for the bride to choose them from her siblings, cousins and friends? Sister-of-the-groom probably wouldn't even expect a place at the "top table".

Anyway, life's too short to worry about people you think that you ought to get along with but don't really. As the saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family.

Foxriver8

barbiedoll wrote: »

To be honest, it sounds as though your five year old brother had his nose put of of joint when you were born, and he's never quite got over it.

You are not the reason that he was bullied as a child, I daresay that you are not a "spoiled brat" and you don't sound selfish, grasping or horrid in any way. The problem is his, not yours.

Just because we're related to our family/siblings, doesn't mean that we have to all get along. It's lovely if we do, I'm lucky that I get on well with both my brother and sister, even if we do drive each other mad sometimes. My cousin and her sister don't get along with each other at all, despite being very close in age. They are simply two very different people who would never have anything to do with each other if they weren't part of the same family.

I would definitely call him out if he continues to belittle you in future but don't lose sleep over the fact that he seems to dislike you. There really isn't much that you can do about that, he obviously has some reason for it, although I doubt that even he really knows why. You don't have to take his abuse but as for trying to get him to change his mind about you, why bother? He is the one that is missing out on a potentially loving family relationship, so if he wants to ignore you, then let him.

And don't worry about not being a bridesmaid at his wedding, you're probably dodging a bullet there if some of the bridezilla stories on here are anything to go by!

Thank you, you're right, I will try to just put it out my mind and stop letting it upset me so much.

I guess I just feel quite sorry for him as well as feeling upset and angry. As I say, I don't think he has many friends, but not because he's a horrible person, just because he had a hard time of it at school etc and I think that has stayed with him. I think he may be on the autistic spectrum, maybe aspergers or something. It's hard not to get upset though when I see (on Facebook) him always out doing stuff with his fianc!es siblings.

My husband went out for drinks with him yesterday afternoon (they get on fine but this was wedding related, not a frequent occurrence), husband came home steaming drunk at 9pm,brother and the fianc!e had dropped him off, hadn't even come in to say hello. We've lived here for 5 years, brother only been in the house twice.

*sigh* doesn't sound like there's much I can do other than get over it x