What are your relationships with your siblings like?

Foxriver8

Hi all, just wondering what kind of relationship everybody has with their siblings?

I've always wanted a sister but only have a brother. He is 5 years older. Despite having the exact same upbringing, he has always had a bee in his bonnet that I am "spoiled". He is a nice person but he has a very dour, moody behaviour around family and I don't think he has many friends. once he has something in his head (eg that I am a "spoiled little brat") nothing will change his mind. He calls me this often, including in front of our family and no one says anything cos he has just always said it.

Last year we had an arguement, I lost my temper and gave it back to him for a change. He just immediately withdrew and hasn't spoken to me since. On family occasions he will either flat out ignore me, which has me absolutely squirming with embarrassment as the atmosphere is horrid, or on the odd occasion he speaks to me it is to thrust photos of his finances young niece under my nose and say "isn't she cute? Isn't she a nice girl? She's a nice girl" ; it's weird and uncomfortable but ten inference here is that I wasn't a nice girl. (I'm 30 now btw, so trying to make me compete with a 5 year old is just bizarre). The only other thing he will say is charity marathons that his fianc!e does; "isn't that good of her? Why don't you ever do something for other people?" I actually do a hell of a lot for charity (just not running!) but there's really no response to that.

Anyway, I'm in tears after yet another rebuke from him and just can't help feeling that the whole thing is just so unnecessary and wondering if I am the only one in a situation like this? I know siblings have feuds and don't speak, but is t ever just for no reason like this is?

I had always assumed I would be a bridesmaid at my brothers wedding but the tone is very much that I am lucky to even get an invite. I tried really hard to include him in my wedding so feeling quite upset about it.

Sorry, that was a bit of a ramble, guess I just needed to vent

Linda32

I have one Brother who is 9 years younger than me. I last saw him about 2 years ago. We haven't fallen out we just live our own lives. We exchange Birthday and Christmas presents via our Mother.

My Other Half has a older Sister, we last saw her about three years ago. Again, haven't fallen out just live our own lives. Exchange presents via their Mum.

Person_one

Foxriver8 wrote: »

He is a nice person

Nothing you've described makes him sound like a nice person at all.

How do you respond, in the moment, when he makes unkind comments to or about you?

Foxriver8

Linda32 wrote: »

I have one Brother who is 9 years younger than me. I last saw him about 2 years ago. We haven't fallen out we just live our own lives. We exchange Birthday and Christmas presents via our Mother.

My Other Half has a older Sister, we last saw her about three years ago. Again, haven't fallen out just live our own lives. Exchange presents via their Mum.

See, this seems reasonable to me. As there are only the 2 of us I had always hoped (assumed) that we would be relatively close. If that wasn't to be I could accept the type of relationship you have described. I just find this complete animosity so unnecessary.

Does your brother live near you? My brother lives about 20mins away so I find the estrangement a bit odd / embarrassing.

Foxriver8

Person_one wrote: »

Nothing you've described makes him sound like a nice person at all.

How do you respond, in the moment, when he makes unkind comments to or about you?

I know, I see where you are coming from.

I think he was bullied at school so he is quite guarded. I think calling me names etc was a bit of an outlet for him and the habit has stuck. He would often give me lifts when he learnt to drive etc, and he does things like that for other family members, he is kind hearted. However he is a bit of a martyr. He likes to do something like give you a lift but then have a moan about how you do nothing for him and are "selfish" (he conveniently forgets all the things I do do for him). This is the way he has been in the past, as I say, very little contact for over a year now.


I can't really remember how I respond to the comments - sigh, roll my eyes, complain "no I'm not" I think. He is honestly just so much like a broken record with it that it's not even that noticeable when he says it (although it did upset me)

Gloomendoom

Foxriver8 wrote: »

Hi all, just wondering what kind of relationship everybody has with their siblings?

Close. Just a spent a week away on holiday with them.

My wife has a similarly close relationship with her siblings.

Foxriver8

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Close. Just a spent a week away on holiday with them.

My wife has a similarly close relationship with her siblings.

I'm very jealous

Foxriver8

bluenoseam wrote: »

Two sisters, one younger who I have a reasonable relationship with, she annoys me at times & straight up peeves me off at others, but for the most part it's not a hassle.

The older sister on the
Wow, I'm sorry she's such a horror and good for you for not losing any sleep over it.

It sounds like your family all seem much the same about her though. My brother is very much the favourite out of the two of us (which I don't grudge him), I think because he is quite introverted and had problems when he was younger. I just feel like the whole thing is v unnecessary

DigForVictory

I've two younger sisters. One is possibly autistic (opinions vary, but we're agreed she 'can be difficult') & the other has turned out with MD. (I'm just a raving eccentric, wife, mother, full time civil servant & belligerent if suggested I'm "normal" as I'd hope I was a bit more interesting than that.)

However, our parents have tried to keep us together as a family (despite the suggestions of boarding school for different daughters at different times) & we do try to stay friendly & polite to each other. A lot of the time we succeed - but sometimes we hit each other right on fragile areas (& since I left home for university & never returned, we usually only find that out After We've stomped on them).

So, no drink or drug issues, just ongoing misunderstandings set to "keep it friendly for the parents'!" Pretty good, but ye gods, with outbreaks of chilli....

Person_one

Foxriver8 wrote: »

I can't really remember how I respond to the comments - sigh, roll my eyes, complain "no I'm not" I think. He is honestly just so much like a broken record with it that it's not even that noticeable when he says it (although it did upset me)

Have you tried actually being honest and admitting how rubbish you feel when he is so unkind?

"You're a spoiled brat"
"That's a very hurtful thing to say"

"You're so selfish"
"It upsets me when you make nasty comments like that, why do you do it?"

You don't have to play along, or accept it, or defend yourself. You aren't teenagers anymore!

I get along really well with my siblings most of the time, but if we p*** each other off (which is bound to happen from time to time!) we air the grievance, apologise/make amends, forgive and move on. I don't think name calling like you describe has happened since we were about 13 though.

Mojisola

Foxriver8 wrote: »

He calls me this often, including in front of our family and no one says anything cos he has just always said it.

Person_one wrote: »

Have you tried actually being honest and admitting how rubbish you feel when he is so unkind?

"You're a spoiled brat"
"That's a very hurtful thing to say"

"You're so selfish"
"It upsets me when you make nasty comments like that, why do you do it?"

You don't have to play along, or accept it, or defend yourself. You aren't teenagers anymore!

Definitely time to call him out on this - just because it's become a habit doesn't mean he should be allowed to carry on upsetting you.