Daughter and housekeeping money?

forgotmyname

She does volunteer full time, except when she is doing the paid work which is not enough hours to sign off and when she has job centre appointments to sign on and see someone who helps her get interviews.

She came close a few times but no luck as of yet.

Caroline #41. If i back off she will be here at 40... She needs a push and teaching her the real costs of growing up seems to be the way forward i think.

She wont care if she has nothing left at the end of the week. But if she must pay something and then finds she bought something she wanted not needed and cannot afford something else. I hope that puts her mind on track.

She wont end up the wrong side of the tracks etc, but she will get a dead end job and work 100 hours a week for a pittence.

missbiggles1

Jagraf wrote: »

I apologise I haven't read the whole thread.

I don't think its right for any adult (with some circumstances excepted) to not do at least 40/50 hours a week of something - paid work, voluntary work, housework, parenting, or studying.

Can't she volunteer full time?

Even when you're retired?:eek:

missbiggles1

forgotmyname wrote: »

She does volunteer full time, except when she is doing the paid work which is not enough hours to sign off and when she has job centre appointments to sign on and see someone who helps her get interviews.

She came close a few times but no luck as of yet.

Caroline #41. If i back off she will be here at 40... She needs a push and teaching her the real costs of growing up seems to be the way forward i think.

She wont care if she has nothing left at the end of the week. But if she must pay something and then finds she bought something she wanted not needed and cannot afford something else. I hope that puts her mind on track.

She wont end up the wrong side of the tracks etc, but she will get a dead end job and work 100 hours a week for a pittence.

Do the Jobcentre know she volunteers full time - it might well make her ineligible for JSA.

Valli

Kayalana99 wrote: »

It's not really all money related for me but my Mum did EVERYTHING for me - I didn't have to lift a finger and boy did I pay for it.

When I moved in with my current (now husband) boyfriend together we were a wreck - fighting over who did the dishes (although that was more or less the only thing we fought about ), eating takeaways constantly and overall the house was a mess.

We both worked dead end jobs in retail - at least we had money coming in but it all comes down to laziness and things being easy.

I didn't even know how to use a washing machine - I'm nearing 25 now with 2 kids a mortgage and everything has started coming together but I really wish my Mum had given me a better head start.

Start getting her to cook a meal once a week, show her how to use a washing machine - hell get her to clean the bathroom once a month. ANYTHING. She may not even realise how grateful she is to you when she starts living in her own house and these things come easy to her because someone has taken the time to make her do things but you can take pride knowing you did the best you could.

Don't see it as doing chores - see it as life experience for her. She'll need to do everything one day so a few things here and there won't hurt.

I was always good with money to a point as my Dad brought me up to be sensible in this area...but if she is on £250 a month I would start charging at least £100-150 and if you don't need it - put it in a saving account for her and put it towards her first house deposit or something.

Don't leave her in at the deep end .... it's taken me years to turn my life around.

Well there you go OP - could this be your daughter in a few years?
When I was "on the dole" 30 years ago, having been made redundant in return for keeping my dole money I was cleaning the family home. I was claiming for 3 months.

Jagraf

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Even when you're retired?:eek:

I would put that in the 'exceptions' category. Although I woukd imagine many retired people still work hard - consulting, looking after grandchildren, gardening, studying etc. it's hard to stop when you've been on the go. And lots of people want to stay busy.

borkid

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Even when you're retired?:eek:

I'm retired and probably put in more hours. Don't forget he included housework /studying etc so virtually anything apart from sitting down just watching TV or the like.
I clean, shop, garden, am studying music ( the practise takes a lot of time as do the groups I take part in) then there's the quizzes OH and I run for charity/ local community ( 3 a month) I sometimes wonder how I had time to go to work. Don't forget he also added " some circumstances excepted" which I took to mean illness.

TBagpuss

I agree that it is false kindness to still treating her like a small child. It's also going to be harder to get her to pull her weight as she has, presumably, had a lot of years of being run after and is unlikely to like the change!

You andher mum need to be on the same page with this.

I'd suggest tht she ought to be doing a reasonable share of the chores at home. I'd suggest that you talk with your wife first, then together sit down with your daughter and tell her what you have agreed.

I'd suggest that she should *as a minimum* be cleaning her own room and either doing her own laundry, or doing the family laundry at least 1/3 of the time (depending on what works best with your family set up). It would also be fair to expect her to be doing a proportion of the other household tasks, for instance taking responsibility for cleaning the bathroom one week, the kitchen the next and so on, so she is taking turns with you and your wife.

Financially, one approach would be to work out what proportion of your joint income you and your wife spend on essentials - mortgage, bills & food, and use that as a starting point for the proportion of her income your daughter should contribute. You could then adjust the figure if you want, for instance if the amount she would be left with would be too little for her to be able to afford travel to work.

I'd also suggest that she should be preparing a main meal for the family at least once a week. You could give her a recipe or indeed a recipe book - Delia Smith's complete cookery course is quite good, as it doesn't assume any prior knowledge (she literally reaches you how to boil an egg) but books aimed at students are useful, too.

You and your wife would both need to 'sit on your hands' and let her make mistakes.

Good luck.

theoretica

As well as considering what is happening now, it might be useful for the family to look ahead - what will happen in future. Do you want her to move out? When? Will you increase her keep as she earns more?

Caroline_a

What does she do for hobbies? I get no sense of this at all.

foolofbeans

My child left college at 18 and claimed JSA. They are similar to a lot of people of their generation in that they don't need a lot of money to get by and have little motivation to work as money doesn't seem to be that big an incentive. As long as kids have technology they don't need money to go to the pub....most socialising is done online anyway.
I used to charge my child board which was equal to the whole of the JSA minus enough for a weekly bus pass (to get to interviews) and £5 spending money. I think it worked out that we charged £30 a week. We told child that when they got a job the amount would still be £30 a week and that was an incentive to get a job and they did so within a few months.