Daughter and housekeeping money?

Poppie68

She should be paying her own mobile phone bill to start with, some people run households on the same amount of money your daughter has coming in. Expecting to run a car is madness unless you expect to baby her until the proverbial penny drops.

Spendless

forgotmyname wrote: »

I can see the bit about what would we pay less if she left home and charge that. may work? But when she has phones and gadgets on charge and the TV on and the computer at the same time that maybe more than she earns also.

Getting her to pay her own phone bill could be on the cards, contract up for renewal soon. Its in my name. But i worry that she wont have credit on the phone. (treating her like a kid again)

Why are you worried about the phone? If it's because she has to travel to work early or late and you have safety concerns and prefer she can ring someone in an emergency fair enough. If it's that she wouldn't be able to be in touch for a chin-wag, hey ho. Generations of us were brought up without mobile phones. We survived.

Re - things on charge and computers. We used to have an electricity monitor that showed exactly how much electricity was being used in pence per hour. The main guzzlers were things that used heat electric shower, tumble dryer, vacuum cleaner etc though some of these are only on for minutes. I am unsure about the computer, but I was surprised that what I'd thought was expensive wasn't and vice versa! For a more definitive answer in how much she's likely to be costing you in increased electricity bills you could ask on the relevant board.

KxMx

I was also going to suggest the housework route. If she can't contribute financially then she needs to up her practical contribution to the household.

She could for example do all her own laundry (Mum & I share the machine & drying space on a 4 days & 3 days split- in her favour obviously), cook for everyone & clean up everything used once or twice a week, vacuum communal areas a couple times a week etc. Other jobs i'm sure you can think of.

thorsoak

Do you have £250 per month to spend upon yourself after all the bills are paid? If, so, that's fine - but you are not helping her to face the Real World by paying everything. Charge her a nominal £10 per week maybe - but if you were to die tomorrow (horrible thought, I know) - how would she cope?

And I do hope that she is helping with the housework/doing her own laundry etc.

duchy

I think I'd be using the phone contract ending as an opportunity.

I'd present it as "Obviously as we are taking no keep from you -you'll be funding your own mobile once the contract is over" and have the discussion with her about PAYG versus contract.

Who is buying her clothes, toiletries and social life at the moment ? If it's you - then stop. You are providing a roof over her head , heat light food- anything more comes out of her pocket- and if she wants more she'll be more motivated to earn it. If you feel she would benefit from returning to education you can explain that once she goes back to college you'll be funding some of her expenses again as she'll have fewer hours available to work in.

If you've always spoiled her it won't be easy for either of you - but if you don't do it- are you actually depriving her of some very valuable life skills ?

forgotmyname

Some good points there. So many to respond to where to start.

Housework, err she does very little to none. Occasionally we will get her to clean a room or run the vac around if we dont get time and need to pop out when she is in.

Cooking err never. She knows the basics but would struggle with a full meal.

She would hand over all her money knowing full well that she just asks us for something and gets it, what does she need money for. my fault again..

Her phone is attached to my contract. Yes its the early morning start which is
why i need that to be working.

Lacking life skills absolutely, she really needs a push but spoilt and treated like a baby for far too long.
You may point your finger at me and shake your heads

She is my ikkle baby

Thanks for all the replies, if i missed yours i may respond later or ist just too much for me to respond to.

Thanks

pigpen

1/3rd of any income .. its not a lot but it does teach them stuff isnt free.

Mojisola

forgotmyname wrote: »

She would hand over all her money knowing full well that she just asks us for something and gets it, what does she need money for. my fault again..

Lacking life skills absolutely, she really needs a push but spoilt and treated like a baby for far too long.

You may point your finger at me and shake your heads

She is my ikkle baby

You are the one who needs to change first.

Why would you treat your child so badly that she has become an adult who is not able to cope as an adult?

Kayalana99

It's not really all money related for me but my Mum did EVERYTHING for me - I didn't have to lift a finger and boy did I pay for it.

When I moved in with my current (now husband) boyfriend together we were a wreck - fighting over who did the dishes (although that was more or less the only thing we fought about ), eating takeaways constantly and overall the house was a mess.

We both worked dead end jobs in retail - at least we had money coming in but it all comes down to laziness and things being easy.

I didn't even know how to use a washing machine - I'm nearing 25 now with 2 kids a mortgage and everything has started coming together but I really wish my Mum had given me a better head start.

Start getting her to cook a meal once a week, show her how to use a washing machine - hell get her to clean the bathroom once a month. ANYTHING. She may not even realise how grateful she is to you when she starts living in her own house and these things come easy to her because someone has taken the time to make her do things but you can take pride knowing you did the best you could.

Don't see it as doing chores - see it as life experience for her. She'll need to do everything one day so a few things here and there won't hurt.

I was always good with money to a point as my Dad brought me up to be sensible in this area...but if she is on £250 a month I would start charging at least £100-150 and if you don't need it - put it in a saving account for her and put it towards her first house deposit or something.

Don't leave her in at the deep end .... it's taken me years to turn my life around.

Caroline_a

Some really good points here - you are being cruel by being kind. Time for her to grow up, you won't be around forever and she needs to make her way in the world. Teaching her proper life skills will help in any long term relationships she has - if she's expected mum and dad to do everything a boyfriend may not be so generous!