Age 16 or 18 to try and contact Father

Susan1942

Seems like it. I am not happy to send this without saying that his son can get in contact with him if he so wishes. It is so cold and business like eg kindest regards. I can't give the girl any contact details without his consent. She will know the address as he is still living at home. I think I will need to sleep on it.

Dill

I would say don't send/write anything you don't feel comfortable saying.

tea_lover

Wow. Is that really his response? Sounds like the girl had the right idea 16yrs ago.

LilElvis

Susan1942 wrote: »

Seems like it. I am not happy to send this without saying that his son can get in contact with him if he so wishes. It is so cold and business like eg kindest regards. I can't give the girl any contact details without his consent. She will know the address as he is still living at home. I think I will need to sleep on it.

I think you're right not to send the message that has been suggested. If I received that response I would read it as a polite way of saying "please leave me alone" rather than someone who wants to meet their son.

You've been placed in such an awkward position, but at least you can, hopefully, speak to your nephew and explain that he must accept that having contact with his child will mean having at least perfunctory contact with his mother. Yes, he could wait until the boy is 18, but this may be too late if this initial contact is rejected. You could try to point out that the boy's mother has been big enough to put her son before any ill feeling she may hold towards your nephew and his parents and he should be adult enough to do the same.

peachyprice

Do you believe these are the words your nephew wants to send, or are they the words his parent have told him to say?

I would not be happy at all sending such a cop out, there is no acknowledgement at all of the child. What a slap in the face for that boy if this is truly how your nephew feels.

Ames

I thought the same as peachyprice, that it sounded like his mum wrote those words.

I wouldn't send it, I couldn't be so cruel and especially not to a child.

Mojisola

Susan1942 wrote: »

Update I have had an email from my nephew He has asked me to send a message on FB via the Mothers page saying simply
Paul says hello and would like you to know that he is ok. He would like to take the opportunity to say he's pleased that yor life has turned out well and passes on his kindest regards

That is so cruel! It basically says - why are you bothering me - why do you expect me to have any interest in you and your life?

Susan1942

Thank you all again. I have just sent my nephew an email. I said I was not happy to make contact and send a message under these conditions. I said you are a 38 year old man and should do this yourself. You don't have to say much just that if the boy wants to get in touch you would be happy to meet up with him.
I said just remember he is a 16 year old boy and you might need to go and meet him.
I have said this has got to come from you not your Mum Dad or me but yourself. If you don't want to meet the boy that is your choice but it may be your only opportunity.
I have tried to give you the best advice but have never said I would do anything on your behalf. The ball is in your court. Let me know what you decide. !!
Sue

peachyprice

Are you 100% sure your messages aren't being intercepted and replied to by his parents? Have you actually spoken to him?

Susan1942

Thanks No I am sure that that the emails are from him. My Sister wrote to me last night telling me about the situation and said she told him to ignore it. She has responded to several emails to her today saying what I thought of the situation She asked me if I would give him some guidance as he is such a worrier. He usually takes my advice I wrote a long email to him telling him what I thought was the right thing to do. The response I have had is these 2 emails
I have written a very long detailed email to my Sister. We email each other every night which is our routine. I have sent her email around 9pm but her emails do not usually arrive before 12 30=1am. I suspect that it is their idea to ask me to do it. It is a cop out and as some of you have said I think it is worse than doing nothing. I know his Parents will be putting excessive pressure on him. I am not going to do this to a young boy It is not fair to him and more damaging than helpful. I am so grateful to all of you and the advice you are giving me. Thanks again Sue