Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Torry_Quine

It's been a while but life is not good. My husband has been in hospital twice and needs a lot of help with things like showers. He sees the consultant on Tuesday and it's a very anxious time.

There's been a lot of crying and I'm constantly exhausted.

Cakeguts

whitewing wrote: »

Sometimes when I visit Elderly Relative she is paranoid, telling me that Mabel has brought in poisoned biscuits or that 'they' have poured noxious substances down her throat (not completely accurate details so she is not identifiable in real life). Anyway, I absolutely know without a doubt that the scenarios she comes up are not true. I don't know what to say though. She isn't like it all the time and she does know who I am, and also other accurate recent events. She gets upset (angry rather than afraid) if I try to reassure her and is too stubborn to be distracted. Any ideas what may help? Should I just politely leave and revisit another time in the hope that she would sleep it off? I don't mind staying if it would help her but I am never sure how much me being there makes it worse.

I think the answer to this is that you have to talk to them in the way that you would to someone who has dementia. In otherwords you don't try to tell them they have got something wrong. You may have to agree with them and have a conversation about poisoned biscuits because really does it matter? Everyone know that the bisuits haven't been poisoned apart from elderly relative so if you agree with them about the poison it won't make any difference to the biscuits but it might reduce the stress of elderly relative. My thought would go along the lines of "poisoned biscuits, that is a bit inconvenient" kind of thing.

I can remember having a conversation with my mother who had dementia about something and I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

Cakeguts

dekaspace wrote: »

Annoyed at my friend, his overall personality is quite lethargic and he can be quite lazy, I did tell him years ago to go for autism assessment and he turned up and was referred on but didn't chase it up as it was "too much effort" story of his life really I assume its all down to likely being autistic, but he frustates me a lot.

He takes a lot of things literally or doesn't understand, 2 weeks ago I bought some nice cakes and mentioned to him when he turned up for our weekly take away, A minute later I heard rustling and he was eating them.

Somehow me mentioning I had them made him think I was offering him to buy them off me!!

Thats the sort of personality he has, hes not being intentional but he struggles to understand things.

Yesterday I mentioned our weekly take away as he has moved 2 miles away and he said "oh I will get a few cans and stay at yours" I said no, and i'd prefer to get a pint at pub around corner from his new place on Saturday as he was getting spares cut that day and I could get one from him then.

He didn't turn up, nor come online till a few minutes ago and he thought me mentioning the drink tomorrow meant the takeaway tonight was cancelled!

Didnt even say sorry just went "oh I thought thats what you meant, and I was tired and you live 2 miles away so assumed you realised"

By the way his room in his old flat was shocking when he moved! the corner of the wall where his tv was had dust from the ceiling down to floor and I lived in that same flat for 2 and a half years and carpet looked almost new when I moved out, right now it looks black with dust and walked in dirt!

He hadn't hoovered once in 8 and a half months since he moved in (and wonders why he has dry/sore eyes all the time!)

He has a very logical mind. I know someone like this. If you don't explain exactly what you want to or are going to do they can't fill the gaps in. It is as if they don't have any imagination as to what else might be possible.

I play in a volunteer music group where there are two people who sit on opposite sides of the room and often ask the same question one after another about something that everyone else in the group has understood without having to ask a question to fill in the gap. Everyone else can understand the instruction without the whole thing having to be explained in great detail. The two people who ask the questions can't hear the answer given to each other so they ask exactly the same question and it is always to do with the details which no one else needs to understand.

The way to deal with your friend is to assume that he doesn't understand anything you say unless you explain in great detail what you mean. It isn't that he doesn't understand anything it is just that you haven't given him enough information. You have to think that he doesn't have any imagination so he can't fill in the gaps of information that you are telling him. An example of what I mean is this. Today is Saturday so if you can imagine that you have told someone this. "In the morning on the day after next we will be getting the bus to town." What the logical mind people will do is ask you this. "Do you mean Monday? What time in the morning? Which bus?" It can be very annoying because they ask questions about what you have just said. They don't just say to themselves that you mean Monday or that you may not know yet what time in the morning you are both going to be ready to go and you may have been on the same bus many times before but they want to check that it will be the same bus as usual.

So going back the the cakes. You have bought some nice cakes which you are going to eat later. You have to make sure that he knows that you are going to eat them later and if you are not going to share you have to tell him that. He won't just assume.

The pub bit and the takeaway. You didn't tell him that the takeaway was still on so he knew that it wasn't because it hadn't been mentioned. He won't just assume that it is the same as usual.

Cakeguts

Playing a musical instrument is a very good way of getting a break from the negative thoughts that come with depression.

I get negative thoughts like other people get headaches. They start on their own with no reason.

Pyxis

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It's been a while but life is not good. My husband has been in hospital twice and needs a lot of help with things like showers. He sees the consultant on Tuesday and it's a very anxious time.

There's been a lot of crying and I'm constantly exhausted.

(((((((((((Torry Quine)))))))))))))))




Hi Cakeguts!

dandy-candy

Thanks MU, that's a good suggestion I'm keeping calm and just plodding slowly on.
Hugs to those in need at the moment.

onomatopoeia99

Best wishes to you and your husband Torry.

dekaspace

Was having a ok day until the people upstairs came back, and all I heard since then was loud booming male voices and laughter, loud booming kids laughter and running about in 2 different rooms.

Been going on a hour so far, absolute idiots who think they are above the rules having laminate down and not caring about neighbours.

whitewing

They probably do care but they may also face a dilemma that whatever they do may annoy you if you get into a situation where no one will compromise. So it becomes easier for them not to do anything. The voices and laughter wouldn't be affected by the laminate, would they, or would carpet help to muffle that? Perhaps you or an advocate could speak to the local council and see if they can help you to assess whether the noise is unreasonable for a neurotypical person, unreasonable for an autistic person, or within their expectations of normal living noise within particular hours of the day. (This may be a little outside of their normal noise control work which is why I am thinking an advocate could be useful).. Depending on the outcome of this - which would hopefully give some actual readings that would help everyone understand the issues - then you can maybe get assistance in dealing with it.

dekaspace

The noise is extreme, had visitors comment on it, at first they said it was loud but as it was uncommon it was tolerable, then when they stayed overnight and had to put up with the day of it they were shocked.

I mean seriously the lightshades wobble about and had pictures fall off wall multiple times in past,

But honestly its never been as loud (well its been noisy all day before to very high levels) as the last few days.

Today the kids came in and I heard banging so loud I thought someone was trying to break into my window, then a few minutes later heard even louder bang then male voice scream and shout that it sounded like a football match level and I was worried it was a domestic incident.