Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

heartbreak_star

Aww get well soon Iza, there's loads of stuff going round at the moment

HBS x

dekaspace

Don't really want to move as been here almost a year and put so much time into the flat, spend money on moving costs, blinds, nice new bed and armchair.


But its one of those difficult situations, most of their noise whilst still loud would be tolerable, and the extreme noise they do could be borderline tolerable if they had the sense to have carpet as it would muffle the noise.


Most of the noise is the running and stomping, some is the laughter and some is dropped toys, the adults booming laughter and the kids stuff is rarer


The only other noise I get is the hustle of a small group of people coming in and entering living room, I doubt its adult and 2 kids but their friends and their friiends kids too, so imagine like 4-10 people maybe more in shoes and boots coming in the door, and 8pm to 10pm when people gradually go home and kids get exicted before bed to be the worst noise, the worst part of that means I can't get a early night.


But im torn as its "tolerable" even if teeth gritting and head thumping as I don't get noise from 10pm-8am except on like 2 or 3 occasions since new year (like Easter when they had family from Italy visiting)

dekaspace

And another problem, friend is having moving issues and putting the stress on me as hes venting to me and despite him having the autism signs (even told to go for a assessment by his doctor but said its too much hassle/stress) he doesn't realise the pressure he puts on others.


He found a place to live but getting messed around and landlord even doing illegal things with fees/deposit but his heart is set on this place.


This place which is a dive, may seem cheap but its expensive for what you get, walls so thin you can hear everything from neighbours and landlord was rude to him and me in past.


But his heart is set on it as hes stressed where he lives now.


He found another place, amazing flat, dirt cheap and near where he lives now, but hes focusing on how at the bin area theres a few dumped matresses and sofas as it being a dive and rough to live, and how flats on 3rd floor so hassle (he lives on 1st floor flat now!)


He ranted online to me for 30 minutes (maybe more) so I mentioned something stressful that happened to me today and he went "oh, but thats off topic" then continued his vent about his issues!


He is childlike rather than lazy, when he struggles say lets say I give him advice on his landlord he says can I clarify for him and tell him where I found information, rather than look for it himself (or he types into google, finds nothing then says he needs help)


Quite stressful for me


I know in past people told me to step back, and I did up to now and it did get better just this moving thing is big and im getting the fallout.

dandy-candy

Not sure what to advise about your friend Deka, but (((hugs)))

I keep reading that exercise is meant to help depression so I worked out a 1.5 mile walk on google and set off. Before I left the house my brain said "it's raining don't go" but I did. Literally 100 yards down the road I was thinking maybe I'll just take the short cut back, but again I told myself no. Then I started thinking "if I go back now I can get in the car and go shopping instead " and this line of thought carried on the whole time I walked. Every short cut home my brain wanted to take but I just plodded on with my body until I had completed the full 1.5 miles.
I'm really pleased I did it now, but I can't believe how much my mind works against me and tries to sabotage my journey to getting better. I need to learn to squash that little voice out of my head and I guess the only way to do that is to keep ignoring it!

dekaspace

Im hoping its just a short bout of noise but 15 minutes ago I heard lots of activity upstairs and got louder and at current moment sounds like a lot of booming adult voices and stomping about, im hoping its just people coming in and quiet when inside.


Still angry how they could be so stupid (or intentionally don't care) to put in laminate knowing they have kids and downstairs neighbours!

faerielight

I always do this.. unravel on one of the sub forum and then feel out of control and vulnerable.. I hate this PD, it makes interpersonal problems so difficult

System

Mood is slightly better, anti depressent and vitamin d supplement seem to be helping. my manager came up whilst i was changing the other day and i thought she was going to give me a bollocking for being off sick. She didnt, she listened to be vent then gave me a big hug and told me whatever happens we'll sort it. Now awaiting the pip letter, the lass i met at group told me i could call her when i get it so i have someone "with" me she seems really nice, we hung out after group last week and she says if i want to go swimming someetime she'll come with me.

Came back to mine today instead of seeing Swain, needed to have a clean up on my room/ Got rid of some crap and put on fresh bedding and got a lamp that actually works (my main light is broken).

Money wise i think im doing ok. I'm giving Swain £20 a week and every 5 weeks we are going to pay off £100 of my overdraft. I;ve also quit smoking so im saving an extra £10 a week to put towards my debt Swain said he was proud of me for doing all i can to save money

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Mood is slightly better, anti depressent and vitamin d supplement seem to be helping. my manager came up whilst i was changing the other day and i thought she was going to give me a bollocking for being off sick. She didnt, she listened to be vent then gave me a big hug and told me whatever happens we'll sort it. Now awaiting the pip letter, the lass i met at group told me i could call her when i get it so i have someone "with" me she seems really nice, we hung out after group last week and she says if i want to go swimming someetime she'll come with me.

Came back to mine today instead of seeing Swain, needed to have a clean up on my room/ Got rid of some crap and put on fresh bedding and got a lamp that actually works (my main light is broken).

Money wise i think im doing ok. I'm giving Swain £20 a week and every 5 weeks we are going to pay off £100 of my overdraft. I;ve also quit smoking so im saving an extra £10 a week to put towards my debt Swain said he was proud of me for doing all i can to save money

And we're proud of you too, MU! :A

And never forget how good you are at doing your job!
They've told you that, remember!

Onward and upward!
You'll soon have that debt cleared!

I remember how wonderful it was when I finally cleared all mine! Like a great weight gone from round my neck! Beholden to no-one!
It's a great feeling! I almost skipped down the road!
And you'll get there!

Izadora

MU :T:T:T:T

I'm so pleased to hear that things are getting better and a massive well done for clearing debts and giving up smoking.

Pyxis

dekaspace wrote: »

Im hoping its just a short bout of noise but 15 minutes ago I heard lots of activity upstairs and got louder and at current moment sounds like a lot of booming adult voices and stomping about, im hoping its just people coming in and quiet when inside.


Still angry how they could be so stupid (or intentionally don't care) to put in laminate knowing they have kids and downstairs neighbours!

Dekaspace, the thumping and stomping-about noises are affecting you badly.

Am I right in thinking that hard flooring is not allowed in these flats?

Well, this is what I would advise.......

Firstly, have another little word with them. Keep your cool, be friendly. Tell them that because they have hard floors, you get an awful lot of noise from the walking and running about. Stress that it is very disturbing to you, but keep your tone friendly.

Secondlly, remind them that hard flooring is not allowed in the flats for that very reason.... that it disturbs people in other flats.

Say that you have tried to put up with it, but that it is spoiling your quiet enjoyment of your flat, and what do they suggest they could do?

What happens next depends on what they say.

If they say they'll put carpets down, ask them when.
I would say, a month is long enough.


If they refuse to do anything, or nothing happens about carpets after the month, have another little word, and say that if carpets aren't laid, you will have to speak to the Housing Association, because they are not honouring their contract with the HA and it is making your life intolerable.


Keep a written record of all the dates you have spoken to those neighbours, including past ones, what you said and what they said.


You can then show you have been reasonable and that you have taken steps to sort the situation without complaining to the HA.


Ultimately, the HA are the only ones that can force them to lay carpets, but it is worth trying to sort it yourself by speaking to the neighbours.

Are they the Italians? Try saying Buon Giorno to them when you speak to them!
Is there any language difficulty, or do they speak good English? Misunderstandings can often arise through unfamiliarity with words and expressions.






A very long time ago, I was living in a flat (not HA) that had the same rules re. carpets. People moved into the flat above but had no carpets, so we had the same problem with thumping feet.
My flat mate went up and explained that the lease stated they had to put down high grade underlay and carpets, and they hadn't realised!
They were foreigners too.

Anyway, they sorted it.





With regard to your friend, it depends how close you are or want to be. If you are close, then being a good friend involves listening to them sounding off, and being supportive, even if at times it feels like it's a one-way give.

On the other hand, if it is always a one-way thing, and you are never allowed to do some venting, or if you aren't all that close, then maybe the friendship isn't right for you.

Something to think about, perhaps?