Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Cakeguts

Just thought I would say hello and tell you all that I have depression. I have had it for quite a long time now but it is nicely controlled on medication so if you met me you wouldn't know. I am also very good at controlling the negative thoughts so that they don't cause me a problem. I have had a lot of practise and it is hard work but my method works for me.

I also work one day a week as a volunteer helping people with mental illnesses. Not just depression. I don't work for money haven't done for a lot of years because there is another underlying medical condition apart from the depression. Not sure what it is but I never got back to normal after having post viral syndrome in 2001.

What I don't like are early mornings. It still feels as if I am swimming through jam or something of that consistency on early mornings.

Juanita37

No sleep again for me!!! There's been another delay in hearing whether Liam will be accepted into this school...all down to funding obviously as we live out of the catchment area!! He does an hour lesson a day Monday to Friday, that is not acceptable and I worry the longer he's without school the harder it will be to reintegrate. Urŕrrrrggggggghhhh.
As for support in my area it's limited as I don't drive and can rarely leave my front door...it's getting worse... I'll have a panic attack at the thought of having to leave the house. Why is everything so hard?!?!
Thank u all again for ur kind words it means alot.

pollyanna_26

Juanita Have you tried contacting the National Autistic Society (NAS)? I'm aware your son doesn't have a formal diagnosis of autism yet but he seems to be on the spectrum . They can advise you on the way forward .
I assume the hourly teaching is provided by home ed at the education dept . There should be an officer for home tuition who can discuss things with you .
As some provision has been made for a little learning the fact is there is now a duty of care which must be followed through . Have CMHT been involved?
First you need however difficult to somehow get to your doctor and talk things through . If it means getting a taxi do that , you can't help your son without getting your own oxygen mask on first.
However things go you will need support for yourself too . It isn't an easy path but it can be sorted . Cuts in services mean waiting lists can be longer .
If your son is receiving DLA and you are on Carers allowance you are entitled to support and advice from your local carers group .
Hope they will allow him to attend the out of area school .
One step at a time , you do need to speak to your doctor honestly and openly even if you have now got your meds .
Good luck .
polly

pollyanna_26

To add to my previous post if you don't already receive Carers Allowance I would suggest you do so . It's not a great deal of money but may help you to access support that is further away . It also means you are entitled to an assessment from your doctor to identify what help and support you need . You will also be on the Carers register at the surgery which give you priority for appointments .
You mention family . I'm not sure if it's just you and Liam with extended family . MH is hard for outsiders to understand especially in the young . Would any of them be prepared to at least go with you to appointments and support you in ways that would help ?
If your son is on the spectrum it is probable the diagnosis will be ASD as Aspergers and similar conditions are no longer a seperate diagnosis .
Meanwhile look online for support groups for carers . Stick to the UK sites as different countries have different guidelines .
You have come to exactly the right place on this forum .
Take care
polly x

Gingernutty

Finished my unsponsored walk in under 40 minutes. I very nearly didn't go.

Stopped in town for lunch, achieved my 15,000 steps, did a bit of shopping (stationery, no Smiths in my town) and now off home to do a bit of grocery shopping before starting work on my 'thing' for the charity thing on Thursday...

whitewing

Juanita,

Maybe try calling the NSPCC and seeing if they can offer you any advice with your son.

If you aren't going outside much, does that mean your son isn't either. I would have thought being outside walking or running would help calm him down and help him manage his feelings. It may also be crucial to help him observe others to begin to learn how to conduct himself with a wide range of people.

jobbingmusician

ono - hope you slept better last night (and will tonight). All the things you are describing do sound like classic depression. I'm sure you are ruminating about all sorts of things which went wrong, or where you feel you behaved badly in the past, when you wake up in the morning. THIS IS JUST A SYMPTOM - IT WASN'T AND ISN'T AS BAD AS IT FEELS. That's my message to you, and a useful message for you to tell yourself. It might even help to write it on a piece of paper now, that you can cuddle in the morning or when you feel yourself doing down that tunnel again (it would help me, anyway). xxx

Juanita - another suggestion. Have a look online for home schooling groups, who may be able to give you some suggestions about adding to that hour a day, so that your worries about Liam falling behind are eased a bit.

Cakeguts

Alias_Omega wrote: »

I wish i could control the thoughts, i tell myself phrases to say but they just pop in now and then. In 1-2 years, ill look back and wonder what was i going on about.

I seen a pyschologist a few months back, roughly 5-6 months ago. They dug some right old stuff out of me, i keep everything to myself, i dont show emotion however they wanted to know my life from the start. After that session, i departed a bit low, then begain to ruminate over things, stuff i had done or said to people; the sticky plaster was off. I would worry that if i had upset someone or said something wrong. I remember telling a small white lie about something in work, i was all sweaty, tingly, worrying incase they found the truth out...i had to come clean on my expansion of the truth, the person didnt care either way. I made it a massive problem in my head though.

Anyhow, im supposed to see the pyschologist again, which i am not looking forward too regarding "Stress Management". I would love to talk to them about my current feelings, and the lack of sleep issues i have been having but not talk about the thoughts im having etc, that will reopen things.

Mrs AO listens to me, but i think she hears me.... broken record scenario.

Hope to sleep thought tonight until 6am, constantly waking at 4am just isnt goo..

The worrying about what you had said to a person that might upset them is as you know pointless so I suggest that you use the history thing. What has happened is history. You can't go back and change it so there is no point in worrying about it. If someone gets upset by something you say that isn't designed by you to upset them then that is their problem. You can't sort out problems that other people are having. So just forget about it.

This is the problem with depression is that it makes you worry. As I said I have had a lot of practice at dealing with the fallout of it. You cannot worry about the effect anything you say has on someone else if it is not intended to be insulting or upset them. This is because the effect is something that they are having and you can't change the way they think. Just remember for next time that they are a bit touchy about things in general. This is not your fault or your problem it is their's. There is no point in worrying about something in the past. It is in the past and gone. The sleeping thing is annoying but you are doing much better than I did. I was getting 1 1/2 hours sleep a night if I was lucky. In the end I had to have medication.

You have to go to bed at the same time every night. If you wake at 4 it doesn't matter. It is just boring. Find something to do that means that you aren't just lying there worrying about not being able to get back to sleep.

Stress is caused by worrying about stuff that doesn't matter. What do you do for relaxation? Try to find a hobby where you have to concentrate so hard that you don't have time to worry. Learning to play a musical instrument is good for this.

jobbingmusician

............and one of the things I might worry about in the middle of the night is that when I posted I forgot to include saying 'hello ' to cakeguts! Welcome to the thread! xxx

Juanita37

So I finally bit the bullet today nd called the doctors!!
After half hour being on hold (was sick twice sweating buckets and thought my heart was going to burst through my ribcage) I was told there was no available appointmentso and to call again tomorrow. So I tried to order my pills and they said there was a query on them as I'd not seen the doctor for so long so will have to wait til I see the doctor ��
As for previous replies thank u for all ur ideas I will look into them. My son does have time outdoors wit my family but limited time wit other children which is not helping him socially at all.