Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

suki1964

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

That makes a lot of sense actually and seems a muhc better way of approaching it. I found uni hard and struggled with it so maybe if i talk about my expereiences she might open up about hers, the balls in her court but at least she'll know she can talk to me
and that way its on her terms.

You still here Suki (your lights green)? You did the right thing by posting
I'm sorry its bad right now, can relate to the urges and also the drinking, in my experience they never went too well together The alcohol dulled the pain so to speak but it made resisiting urges harder as i had less inhabition if that makes sense? Best way i have to cope with it is to try and do something, anything to distract myself, and if it gets really bad i sometimes use ice cubes as it kind of simulates the sensation but is less harmful (though you have to be careful doing that) or flick an elastic band.



Thinking of you and sending hugs

Thank you

Than you for understanding where I'm at. The drink, well it's a double edged sword. I feel myself tipping so self medicate with the drink. Mostly it works and I get by these times, other times it just helps to enable the self destruction

I've taken apart a razor tonight. It's there wrapped for now.

I try not to use my arms and try to keep it to legs and tummy. But the arms give instant relief. It's a !!!!!! to hide. Worse is I'm getting worse as I'm getting older

Actually saying this aloud is helping. I'm still agitated and antsy but I'm calming so than you all so much for listening.


I'm in for a few more unsteady days. I know for sure when I'm going to get to this stage, I don't sleep for a few nights before, and I mean I don't sleep. My mind goes in over drive. I go over every conversation, every post, every contact I've had. It's pure manic in my head and I can't tell anyone because I don't know how to

Thankyou all so much.

Gingernutty

Hey suki. Hope you're feeling a bit better, or at least hanging in there.

Samaritans are good if you need to talk to someone and we've gone to sleep.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

tea_lover

Hi suki, hope today is a better one for you x.

whitewing

Do you mean, suki, that you have never told anyone in real life that you self-harm?

Or do you mean that you have never told anyone in real life why you self-harm?

Or both?

I am sure that we can help you do this, if you want. If it is getting worse then I think it is probably worth a chat with your GP. Even if that chat is handing them a note where you have written everything down. (That's what I do when I cannot get the thoughts out of my mouth).

If it helps, you can start to write on here (penguin it if you know how to do that) and we can give our comments. If WaS is reading, she will be an expert on how to communicate to be able to try to get yourself some more help.

I'd love you to get to a stage, for example, that if you wrote something silly on MSE, you could just think 'so what' without that stabbing of pain.

onomatopoeia99

Hello Suki, I can't offer any advice other than to second what Gingernutty said about the Samaritans, I have a friend who has started cutting again in the last year and she has been talking to them a lot when things have got really bad. Hope things are better for you today.

codemonkey

This may make people laugh. Last night, after work I dashed into the shop for some ingredient I needed to make dinner. I also wanted some chewing gum, but the bit where they keep the chewing gum was empty and I needed to catch my train so I just bought a pack of mints instead. I'm sure you know where this is going...

Anyway, because the only person on the tills in the shop was Slowy McSlowpants who would be outpaced by a sleepy sloth, I had about 2 minutes to get my train. In my rush to get to the station I forgot about them, until earlier, when I absent-mindedly was munching on the mints while doing something else. I realised I'd eaten the whole pack. So fast forward about 30 minutes when my stomach started making loud gurgly noises and I had to do the hundred yard dash to the loo - I may have broken records. I barely had time to get my trousers and knickers down before the diawoowoo made a break for freedom.

After I felt it had abated enough to risk leaving the loo, a thought occurred to me. What had happened to loose this on the world? I thought back to everything I'd eaten, but nothing jumped out at me, except, it all started after those mints. This has happened before.

I fished the wrapping out of the bin and examined it closely. Yes, they were sugar free mints and I hadn't noticed. A quick look at the ingredients showed they contain sorbitol - an artificial sugar substitute also used as a laxative.

In summary, I've been in the loo 5 times and it's not letting up. To make matters worse, it someone's birthday and I need to go out for dinner tonight. We're having Indian food!

What do I do now? (Missing it is not an option)

tea_lover

It's terrible that my first thought here was codeine!

codemonkey

Ooh good idea tea. I don't have any immodium lying around but I do have codeine. A low dose might do the job.

Gingernutty

I met the builder. He looks like a slightly more rugged Jack Whitehall.

He showed me the work up to where they stopped.

Then he showed me the problem with the floor (damp membrane consists of a series of wholly inadequate, not quite overlapping polythene sheets), the problem with the water main (it's made of lead) and the remedy.

The remedy. The remedy starts with breaking up the entire ground floor and finishing with me parting with looooòoads of money.

The house will always be damp without this work, so it has to be done.

It's almost half the original cost of the job.

I told him I'd pay half the money tonight...

System

Mind racing. Didn't sleep at all last night, Couldn't cope with work. Too bright too loud too many thoughts. Ringing doctors in morning for emergency appointment (again). Have already taken my meds and don;t feel sleepy in the slightest. In for a long night. Scared how i keep getting the hypermanianess, its never been this frequent before. Used to depression, not used to this. Just want to switch my brain off and reboot.