Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

whitewing

What is hypermania actually like then, MU? (If you can talk about it) I don't really know about it but I half-thought it woulld be good compared to depression, if a bit impulsive. (I don't mean to be tactless).

whitewing

I wonder how code's digestive system is now...

codemonkey

I remembered I had a single emergency immodium hidden in a pocket of my handbag so that and a small dose or codeine held things together. I have to say it wasn't very comfortable. I couldn't eat most of my dinner and I had to turn down dessert! I had to excuse myself to deal with certain wind issues afterwards and my tummy is so bloated I look like I could be incubating triplets, but the woowoo is holding off at least.

System

whitewing wrote: »

What is hypermania actually like then, MU? (If you can talk about it) I don't really know about it but I half-thought it woulld be good compared to depression, if a bit impulsive. (I don't mean to be tactless).

some people refer to it as mania lite, apparently its similar to mania but mani impairs you more, can include psychosis and often results in hospital addmissions.

for me one of the main symptoms is racing thoughts, i feel like my mind is running at 100mp, i can't concentrate and my head feels like i can feel synapses and electric shocks going off. i can get fixated on songs or phrases.

generally i also feel euphoric, its like a giggly high and i find everything amusing or fascinating. lights, sounds and colours all seem more vibrant, its like seeing the world in technicolour, but can be a bit ovewhelming at times. i can be more creative but it doesn;t tend to last. my last big idea was bullet journal;ing but after the intial manic spend i never got round to doing it

I can feel like i can do anything. The episode i had that led to the bipolar disgnosis, i thought i was going to make my own greetings card and take on clintons (still feel sorry for the poor student who witnessed that appointment must have thought i was insane), most recently i've been fixated on mental health and thinking i can change the whole company myself.

I speak faster and have a tendancy to ramble, sometimes it can be hard to understand me because it all comes out fast and all at once. many times people have had to ask me to calm down and speak slower. the last episode i had i started losing touch with reality a bit. i went to my manager and told him i was sorry i got confused cos it was the cows that made milk not chickens

those are the mostly postive symptoms. there's also the bad ones. I get very very irritable, i am likely to snap at people (part of why i asked to go home today cos i was afraid i'd snap at a customer), i had to keep taking myself away for 5 mins to calm down. Happens with Swain too, but i try my hardest never to snap at him, in go and try and calm myself down cos its not fair on him to take it out on him. Can also cause rages but thats only happened twice to me. It was scary. it was like i went from overly happy to the hulk within seconds. I don;t generally get angry but when its bipolar rage it can be bad. thankfully that doesn;t happen to often.

my spending is generally bad but im very much more implsive when my mood is up. i once spent £40 on candles because i needed them. I have to try and stop myself going spend mad (they call them manic spending sprees for a reason).


sorry if that was long winded, though its helping to talk about it sorry if i bored anyone

suki1964

Hi

I just need to say I'm still here, in one piece , holding it together

I still very very agitated and wound up, but I think the crises has passed. I'm kind of functioning, if only on one cylinder.

Thankfully I feel tired. Can't mind last time I got more then an hours sleep so hopefully tonight will start the change

As for why I don't talk to a professional, I don't trust anyone. It takes me so long to build a relationship with someone, here with the crap MH services we have, I've given up

I was so very lucky when I lived in London and I got the support I needed. I had a key worker and group therapy every week and I became 'normal' lol

Normal is as much as I was stable

My family struggle to understand me. They don't cope with me ' not being well'. Most just blank out my worse times, pretend they didn't happen or weren't really as bad

So I say nothing and keep up appearances and sometimes it does just get too much, or it feels like it does

Thank you all for being there, and for your thoughts and understanding. It means a lot ( yayyy im not mad)

And yes the Samaritans are fantastic and have been there for me in the past. I do use what help that is there as and when I can. It's just not always possible

System

suki1964 wrote: »

Hi

I just need to say I'm still here, in one piece , holding it together

I still very very agitated and wound up, but I think the crises has passed. I'm kind of functioning, if only on one cylinder.

Thankfully I feel tired. Can't mind last time I got more then an hours sleep so hopefully tonight will start the change

As for why I don't talk to a professional, I don't trust anyone. It takes me so long to build a relationship with someone, here with the crap MH services we have, I've given up

I was so very lucky when I lived in London and I got the support I needed. I had a key worker and group therapy every week and I became 'normal' lol

Normal is as much as I was stable

My family struggle to understand me. They don't cope with me ' not being well'. Most just blank out my worse times, pretend they didn't happen or weren't really as bad

So I say nothing and keep up appearances and sometimes it does just get too much, or it feels like it does

Thank you all for being there, and for your thoughts and understanding. It means a lot ( yayyy im not mad)

And yes the Samaritans are fantastic and have been there for me in the past. I do use what help that is there as and when I can. It's just not always possible

Suki i can relate on more levels than you know.

I find it very hard to trust professionals,been out of MH servoces for 4 years and im floundering but i find t hard to trust people and open up. I try and see the same GP but its not always possible and that puts me off seeing them even if im struggling.

My family are very similar to yours. They have no idea how to cope with me, especially when i'm in an episode. I feel bad but i try and keep my distance when ill because i know my mum seems to blame herself and i feel guilty for adding more stress.

I'm glad you're still here and talking to us and though still agitiated feeling at least a little better than last night. alays here if you need to talk

calleyw

Afternoon my lovelies,

Working from my new to me PC. Its a cobble together of all of AM's casts off. CPU is an Intel i7 and I have 16Gbs of Ram. I have no idea what he has in his but he always has to have better LOL!!!

Massive hugs and squishes and handshakes and extras To MU and Suki.

Anyway here is something to pass by you.

AM is going away on a course to London next month for a week. And he asked me last night would it be ok to meet up with someone he knows. Not sure if its just on-line or through work in another office from his. It means staying an extra night in London at the end of the course.

I have been cool and said do what you think is most appropriate. Think he though I was going to rip his head off :rotfl:

Everyone take care

Yours

Calley X

calleyw

This is in reply to MU and Suki.

People do struggle to understand if something is a hidden condition. Such as a mental health. As its not a broken leg that mends in 6-8 weeks.

I have seen the same thing happen with my husband. He was physically and mentally changed by a stroke. The problem is people forget the damage that was done internally by the stroke. He has something dead the size of a tennis ball in his head.

They think he is exactly the same as before the stroke. We suffered with people forgetting that he does not always understand what he has said. And he would never mean to hurt or upset someone. But sometimes for him he comes across as rude or abrupt. Even though he was the most caring and loving person before it.

We have lost friends and acquaintances because of it. Some even have had some experience of some thing very similar. Which makes it very hurtful.

Its sad you have to turn to the internet for support rather than people in your own family and friends.

Please keep strong. We are always here for you.

Take care

Yours

Calley X

tea_lover

Really good points calley. I've found similar with endometriosis (not saying it's the same of course, just another example of a 'hidden condition').

I often think it would be easier in some ways to have a big visible thing wrong. I would imagine that's often the case with mental ill-health too.

I did once offer to draw a picture of internally bleeding scar tissue and adhesions for one particularly obnoxious person - they declined :rotfl:.

calleyw

tea_lover wrote: »

Really good points calley. I've found similar with endometriosis (not saying it's the same of course, just another example of a 'hidden condition').

I often think it would be easier in some ways to have a big visible thing wrong. I would imagine that's often the case with mental ill-health too.

I did once offer to draw a picture of internally bleeding scar tissue and adhesions for one particularly obnoxious person - they declined :rotfl:.

Tea, You are naughty.

Also you don't have to answer this. But how is it going with you? Your ex got all his stuff out the garage and you are doing ok?

Have a hug anyway.

Yours

Calley X