Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

calleyw

codemonkey wrote: »

Thing is, I buy all these gorgeous dresses, then the hassle of finding tights and boots means I end up shoving jeans and a t-shirt on instead. I must start wearing my pretty clothes.

Code,

Make yourself a promise that once a week even if you are not going anywhere to dress up. Put on a dress, do your hair and if you wear makeup put some on.

And have a drink of something nice.

Yours

Calley X

codemonkey

Can I please have a nasty, mean-spirited rant please? The parents are struggling a bit because my dad fell and hurt himself so I offered some assistance with shopping to my mum. Now countless times I've told them to give online grocery shopping a go, offered to show them how it works etc. and my mum stubbornly refuses to do it. So I offered to give her the log in for one of my accounts with a voucher or if she was nervous, to give me a list and I'd do it. She won't have that either. So that means we either take her or she struggles on a bus. My parents live in a village about 10 miles away which doesn't seem much, but the supermarkets are all back in our area, so by the time we pick them up, take them to the supermarket, take them home and then go home ourselves, it's 40 miles that Mr CP has to drive because she wants to pick out her own stuff. And I kind of get it, and know I shouldn't be so grumpy but at the same time, would it really hurt her to give it a go?

I am a bad daughter.

Izadora

You're not a bad daughter and it's perfectly understandable to be annoyed by the fact that she's not even willing to give it a try.

I'm not a big fan of online grocery shopping but it would certainly be preferable to making someone drive 40 miles or having to struggle with a bus / pay for cabs.

Would she compromise by giving you a list and letting you go and pick the shopping from the supermarket? At least then you'd save yourself one return trip.

tea_lover

Completely reasonable rant code! Fair enough if she doesn't want to try it when she has other options... but when she's now relying on putting you out she really could just give it a go. It's not like she has to carry on doing it once your dad is back on his feet again if she didn't want to.

codemonkey

I think online shopping is a really good resource for people who might struggle to get to the shops, even if it's just for the heavy stuff. I think I'd be less annoyed if she had given it a try and realised that she didn't like it, but she won't.

She won't pay for cabs for that kind of thing either - she's of the generation where taxis are an expensive luxury for other people so she really would be struggling on and off buses. And honestly, my parents worked really hard to save for retirement so it's not like they can't afford it, but it just wouldn't occur to them. :rotfl:

She wouldn't be happy with giving me a list either.

I feel for Mr CP. I really need to stop having seizures so I can get my licence. I have the symptoms that suggest I may have one today. Hopefully not in the office please body.

To be fair, I did offer. Oh the fun of rapidly ageing parents.

calleyw

(((Code))) don't beat yourself up about not being able to drive. You have a valid medical reason not to.

I really miss my car but have just about managed to get by. But feel a little bit trapped with out it. Still not sure what to do. Get the old car fixed or get another one. And now with action man busy with TA stuff for nearly every weekend this month. Going to be a mega pain with no car because of action collie.

Could you mum not get a bus to you and then you take her shopping would cut down on the trips from 4 to 2.

Yours

Calley X

Pyxis

Repost.....

Pyxis wrote: »

(The thread etiquette will be reposted every ten or so pages.)
........:starmod:......................................................................:starmod:.....................
Here is the suggested THREAD ETIQUETTE. By following this etiquette, all posters, whether new or existing, will feel safe, unpressured and respected..
Repost........


!!!But first...............please be assured..................................................................******It should be pointed out that if anyone is feeling very distressed or close
to a crisis, they do not have to worry about what they are posting, or whether it is a penguin for someone else or not. (See below about penguins). In a crisis situation, just post! We wouldn't want anyone to feel that they couldn't ask for help in case it's a penguin! The penguin thing only applies to a general discussion situation.******


- This is a thread for support. We have discovered some good friends on here, but we promise always to welcome and include new people, and not to be cliquey.

- People may make suggestions to help each other, and might even ask if the suggestions were helpful or have been carried out, but we'll really try not to nag each other or put too much pressure on.

- The normal board rules about sexism, racism, homophobia etc. apply, but if we are careful we should be able to discuss almost anything without breaching board rules - so far we have discussed subjects ranging from child abuse to incontinence!

-If someone thinks that too much pressure is being applied, they can post the trigger word PENGUIN and flag up the fact that they believe there's a potential for someone feeling too nagged to do something. ANYONE could post PENGUIN if they felt there was a danger that suggestions were being enforced too much.

Similarly, if they want to discuss something that might be a trigger for some people, then posting PENGUIN would be a warning that what follows in the whiteout might be a trigger.


- So, if you think something might be a PENGUIN, please post something like the green bit which follows.

"Possible penguin about.........(Type of Trigger)" The trigger might be:- child abuse, marital abuse/violence, paranoia, stalkers, death, etc. (It's important to indicate the type of trigger, so that people can avoid reading it if they need to).

Then, when you post, repost the word PENGUIN above the discussion. Then post the penguiny bit in white! And the phrase END OF PENGUIN when you have finished.

It will look like this. You will be able to see the white text if you highlight it or if you quote it, (so please don't 'quote' a post containing a penguin onto the thread!)
(Harmless example follows here):-
PENGUIN

This is a penguin. A nasty, crotch biting penguin (CBP).
It isn't really! So you can look. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozGTv0hxhpc[/url]


END OF PENGUIN

(NB on a tenth-page repost of the etiquette, you can see these penguiny words because they are white against the green 'quote' background. On a normal post, they will be white against white, and so won't be seen on the thread.)

IMPORTANT: It has been ascertained that some posters to this thread have found that there are certain subjects which act as triggers, precipitating a worsening of their condition.
To protect these posters, you are respectfully requested NOT to discuss these subjects on this thread:-

Religion. (Please note: it is recognised that everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and we respect those beliefs. It is only because of the fact that religion does act as a trigger for some posters, that we exclude it from discussion.)
N.B. Please don't even mention the name of the religion.

The afterlife. The reason for this is explained in this thread by one poster, and there will be others for whom this is a trigger.

We ask and thank you for your co-operation in this matter.


.........:starmod:.....................................................................:starmod:................

!!!So, to reiterate..............******It should be pointed out that if anyone is feeling very distressed or close to a crisis, they do not have to worry about what they are posting, or whether it is a penguin for someone else or not. In a crisis situation, just post! We wouldn't want anyone to feel that they couldn't ask for help in case it's a penguin! The penguin thing only applies to a general discussion situation.******

- More suggestions please.............We stress that we are suggesting that we AGREE some Thread Etiquette to HELP people who might feel anxious about posting, we are not trying to IMPOSE rules, just relating this to facilitating groups, so that people feel safe and able to participate as fully as they can.

...............Thread Motto...............
Nos Omnes Ad Audiendum Parumper

onomatopoeia99

Completely reasonable rant code. Sometimes people need to help themselves a bit.

Fortunately both my parents are still mobile and still drive, though I couldn't take them to the shops as I live over 100 miles away. I will admit that I'm from a family where taxis simply aren't a thing, I never think of taking them. In London there's the underground, almost everywhere else I drive.

Pyxis

Code, here's a wily suggestion.


Do both! (Initially).


Ask her to order online the boring, heavy stuff that she knows she wants, thing like loo-roll, bleach, washing powder, tins of baked beans, all that sort of stuff.

Then say you'll take her to the supermarket to get the perishable food, fruit and veg that she can pick out herself, bread, cake, meat, fish, etc., so she can utilise reductions, 3 for 2 etc.
Tell her that as the boring heavy stuff has already been bought online, the perishable-only shop won't take as long, so you can go and have lunch together (or coffee and cake) and a chat. Make a chore into a pleasure.

Then, when she's used to the boring, heavy stuff coming online, she might start buying the perishable stuff that way, too!

Softly, softly catchee monkee!

codemonkey

Pyxis wrote: »

Code, here's a wily suggestion.


Do both! (Initially).


Ask her to order online the boring, heavy stuff that she knows she wants, thing like loo-roll, bleach, washing powder, tins of baked beans, all that sort of stuff.

Then say you'll take her to the supermarket to get the perishable food, fruit and veg that she can pick out herself, bread, cake, meat, fish, etc., so she can utilise reductions, 3 for 2 etc.
Tell her that as the boring heavy stuff has already been bought online, the perishable-only shop won't take as long, so you can go and have lunch together (or coffee and cake) and a chat. Make a chore into a pleasure.

Then, when she's used to the boring, heavy stuff coming online, she might start buying the perishable stuff that way, too!

Softly, softly catchee monkee!

That might work if my mother wasn't the most stubborn person in the world. I suggested it for the heavy stuff and offered her a £10 voucher, she refused. She's a nightmare - if you try to push something, she'll dig her heels in, even if she's in the wrong. She won't budge.

I probably need to come up with a way to make her think it's her idea but as she'd never have that idea, I don't know how I'd do it.