Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Meant to say, code, the lindybop dress looks lovely, though going as Ursula would be cooler than anything

tea_lover wrote: »

Yep - go as Ursula!!

Yes, Code, go as Ursula!


Seriously, though, why not just remove the tentacles and go in that lovely dress? You could use a bolero with it for the ceremony, and then reveal your inner vamp for the party! :j




Tea, I think it's that woman who's head needs banging, not you!

Do the people at work know your position though? If they do, then they are a bit thoughtless. If they don't, I suppose they aren't being thoughtless. It is a tricky one.

onomatopoeia99

tea_lover wrote: »

Inappropriate comment of the day (or possibly year) has just been won by a woman at work... we were discussing said boss who has just had first baby. This woman then told us that she'd said to him last year that he couldn't be married and not have children. I asked her why not, she said I was exempt as I'm not married.
*bangs head on desk*

Some people seem to have absolutely no idea what comes out of their mouths

I guess I must be lucky working in a small company of computer nerds, we just don't get people saying stupid / thoughtless / inconsiderate things here.

Pyxis

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Some people seem to have absolutely no idea what comes out of their mouths

I guess I must be lucky working in a small company of computer nerds, we just don't get people saying stupid / thoughtless / inconsiderate things here.

Good job your computers aren't sentient, then!




Actually, Code, there might be something to be said for your workmates only talking about work. It does prevent conversations veering into dangerous waters.

tea_lover

Pyxis wrote: »

Do the people at work know your position though? If they do, then they are a bit thoughtless. If they don't, I suppose they aren't being thoughtless. It is a tricky one.

If anything, I think it's even more thoughtless to spout off about subjects as potentially sensitive as children when you don't know the situation of people around you.

whitewing

My SIL is trying for a baby (some medical issues). I almost find it harder to be sensitive because I know. I am constantly aware of trying not to put my foot in it and therefore I am clumsy with it. Plus I think - it will happen, you are so lovely - but again, that kindly meant comment could be hugely insensitive.

It is a difficult one. I would appreciate some advice on how to be thoughtful for the xmas get togethers.

tea_lover

FWIW, here is my list of things not to say.... others will see things differently of course

- just relax.
- it will happen when you stop trying.
- have you considered adoption.
- my cousin/hairdresser/neighbour's poodle did IVF 86 times then went on holiday and it happened naturally.
- you can have my kids, they're a nightmare.
- just think of all the drinking and holidays you can have instead.
- I know what you're going through, it took me three months to conceive child number 3.
- there are too many people in the world anyway.

onomatopoeia99

tea_lover wrote: »

- it will happen when you stop trying.

If anyone actually thought about that for a moment they would never say it!

codemonkey

whitewing wrote: »

Plus I think - it will happen, you are so lovely - but again, that kindly meant comment could be hugely insensitive.

Ahem! Sadly being lovely, or otherwise has nothing to do with it. Mr CP and I aren't infertile because we're horrible people, we just lost the genetic lottery. Sometimes, it just doesn't happen.

I second the things tea has said and will add:

Well we didn't have any problem conceiving our kids so... (sounds like either boasting about your fertility at best, or an accusation of failure.

Are you sure you're doing it right? (Yup, at this stage, we know more about the reproductive process than most doctors.)

At least you get to have fun trying (Yeah, no. TTC sex isn't fun. It's mechanical and planned and you have to do it whether you want to or not because your fertility window is so small).



It is a difficult one for fertiles to understand. Here's a kind of brief rundown of some of the emotions. It may be a bit of a rant.

You feel crushing disappointment, especially when you get your period and especially when that period is so much as a minute late and you've built your hopes up. Your dignity went out the window with the first round of invasive tests. You feel like a useless failure - after all if all those people on Jeremy Kyle who can barely stop smoking crack long enough to pop out babies can do it, it shouldn't be that hard. You're surrounded by evidence of your failure at all times and expected to be happy about other people's success when really you want to curl up in a ball and cry when someone tells you they're pregnant with their fourth kid since you started trying. And you're expected to make allowances for them. If you're unwilling or unable to do any of these things, you're a bad person. You feel jealous all the time. Sometimes it is physically painful to look at a pregnant woman or a child. Christmas is difficult. Mother's day and Father's day are hell. Your relationship with your Oh comes under tremendous pressure and a lot of couples don't make it. You become alienated from your friends because they only talk about their children and dump you for their 'mummy friends'. People are constantly asking when you're going to have a baby, and shouldn't you get a move on because you're not getting any younger and you have to be polite. Oh and you're not allowed to talk about any of this because it makes people uncomfortable.

Seriously, don't mention it unless she does. Chances are she's struggling to hold it together.

tea_lover

codemonkey wrote: »

At least you get to have fun trying (Yeah, no. TTC sex isn't fun. It's mechanical and planned and you have to do it whether you want to or not because your fertility window is so small).

I'd forgotten that joy! :rotfl:. Both of you in a right strop with each other, at the point where you wouldn't pee on them if they were on fire but you still have to get it on because apparently the magic window after the HyCoSy is just guaranteed to work.

elsien

Is it bad to be so grumpy that Gitdog is traumatised and hiding under the table to keep out of my way.
Made worse by going shopping and coming home without half of it. The half that must still be in the basket because I know I took it off the shelf.
I'm even annoying myself right now.