Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

disabled_NCIS_fan

Is this your lost sock book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Land-Lost-Socks-Brittany-Steacy-ebook/dp/B00CBX5GD0?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

Lambyr

Hello all!

Actually got a half decent night's sleep! Yay! Course now I have the energy to mow the lawn, it's raining. Ugh.

PENGUIN reply to WaS:
Sounds awful with your mother. My mum is a bit trying sometimes but on the whole we get on well. The wider family though are a bunch of control freaks and always have been. To some of them, I'm not even a person. I'm a tool that's supposed to knock out some grandkids/nephews/nieces. Whenever I see them, it's the same deal and same bunch of questions about why am I not married, why haven't I got kids etc. Even if things were that simple, how on Earth am I gonna bring up a kid when I'm caring for my mum? Boggles the mind what goes on in their heads.

Always remember there's a scene in Futurama where Amy's parents hear Amy has a boyfriend and say "Well where is he, and why is he not here right now fathering our grandchild?" - made me laugh far more than it should have because I can totally imagine my family saying something like that.

But as far as they are concerned, everything I do is wrong. Humanities/creative writing courses with the OU? Nope, wrong, worthless, pointless. All my hobbies/interests (video games, computing/technology, sports, horror and cult movies etc.), nope not feminine enough. I should be collecting shoes or something, I guess, because "men don't want another man". Only thing I ever did right, I think, was when I dyed my hair blonde for a while. They seemed to appreciate that and I can only assume it was based on some stereotype. When I took the blonde out, and later put auburn in... nope, wrong.

Amazes me that anyone can still think this way. And with it comes the terror I feel I mentioned on my previous thread a few months back about what happens if/when they find out I'm now in a relationship with another woman? Knowing what they're like I spent years wishing I could change myself... that if I had the choice I would be perfectly straight. Thing is, now, even with them and their Dark Ages thinking, if someone offered me the choice not to be bi, I wouldn't take it cos I'm happy where I'm at and who I'm with.

END OF PENGUIN

And sorry, I really didn't mean to turn into a misery just there. In creative writing we got taught a technique called freewriting, where you just start writing away and see what comes out. I think sometimes I slip into that now on here!

I'm not sure whether it's a local trust issue but my experience with psychological services in my area is that you have to keep digging and fighting to find the better or more equipped therapists. A lot of the ones I got referred to early on wanted to write a prescription, or just wanted to send me to CBT, which I tried and it didn't really work for me (though I know it does for others so I'm not slating it).

Those early therapists, I always got the impression I was a nuisance to them because I wasn't responding how they thought I should respond. Maybe it's cos I have a bit of an issue of not wanting to feel controlled? Not sure. But I kept pushing, cos I did want help and eventually I got a referral to the guy from my previous post and it was the first time that I felt that not only was I being helped but I actually enjoyed and looked forward to our sessions. Especially after I was told he wasn't going to abandon me.

Unfortunately rules being what they are, we eventually hit the maximum number of sessions I was permitted so I was discharged.

As for forgiveness, I'm inclined to agree. I just see forgiveness as accepting someone did something and saying that though you might not agree with it, you will no longer hold it against them or allow it to affect your life.

Sorry I made you cry, Pyxis!

codemonkey

disabled_NCIS_fan wrote: »

Is this your lost sock book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Land-Lost-Socks-Brittany-Steacy-ebook/dp/B00CBX5GD0?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

Nope. That was published in 2013.

I think Pyxis is right but what a shame.

Hugs Lambyr. It must be exhausting pretending you're something you're not. I can't remember your previous thread but is there no way you can come out to your family?

Lambyr

codemonkey wrote: »

Hugs Lambyr. It must be exhausting pretending you're something you're not. I can't remember your previous thread but is there no way you can come out to your family?

I am hoping to eventually be able to come out to my mum. She's always had a somewhat more liberal attitude.

The rest of them though... I can't go into too much detail cos its one of the subjects mentioned in the etiquette post as best refraining from but they have some pretty strong opinions on the subject.

codemonkey

I understand. How terrible for you. Just remember they're the ones who should be ashamed of themselves, not you. You're just living your life in the way that makes you happy with the person that makes you happy. This applies to your creative writing too.

I am jealous of your writing talent. I want to be able to write but I lose my way. I have so many ideas but i lack the ability to capture them on paper.

Lambyr

codemonkey wrote: »

I understand. How terrible for you. Just remember they're the ones who should be ashamed of themselves, not you. You're just living your life in the way that makes you happy with the person that makes you happy. This applies to your creative writing too.

I am jealous of your writing talent. I want to be able to write but I lose my way. I have so many ideas but i lack the ability to capture them on paper.

Thank you Yep, I'm just me and now I can accept that. Was a struggle getting there and I was an awful person not too long ago cos I just wanted to change myself but over the past few years, I figured I can waste time hating myself or I can just get on with accepting something I can't change.

I get the struggle to capture things on paper. I consider myself, currently, more of a storyteller than a writer. I have lots of stories, lots of ideas but I'm still not convinced by my ability to tell those stories. I think I'm a more visual/aesthetically minded person. But that's one of the reasons I took the course, to polish up my writing so I might be able to tell some of my stories!

My goal for this year is to self-publish a book. Once my uni module is done, my summer is gonna be spent writing and finishing my little fantasy tale I started a year ago. And at some point, I plan on setting up my website and maybe putting a few short stories on there or something.

tea_lover

Ooh what exciting plans lambyr

disabled_NCIS_fan

Lambyr they sound like exciting plans and I for one would buy your novel. I love fantasy stories.

Does anyone have any good book suggestions for hospital trips? I like fantasy, crime, romance etc. Mainly I just want something fiction.

onomatopoeia99

Lambyr wrote: »

I should be collecting shoes or something, I guess, because "men don't want another man".

(that's a line from your penguin, but I think it's OK on its own - if you'd prefer I remove it I will of course)

I can only speak for this man rather than men in general. While it's true I've never met anyone that self-identifies as male that I've been at all attracted to, so as a literal statement it is correct, in terms of hobbies and interests, I'd be entirely happy with a girlfriend that enjoyed computer games and the other things you mentioned, and only owned one pair of shoes! (Actually, even I have more than one pair, the steel toecap boots for the garage / DIY work aren't much good for the office, and the office / vaguely smart shoes are hopeless for walking a long way).

Having interests that were seen as very much male-oriented a generation or more back does not make a woman unfeminine or unattractive, the world has thankfully moved on. :mad: . I'd far rather meet someone that genuinely enjoys her hobbies, whatever they are!


edit as I cross posted and missed it : best wishes for your self-publishing Most of the books on my shelf are sci-fi and fantasy so I'd definitely be interested in reading it when it's ready.

codemonkey

Ono - how are you still single?