Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis

elsien wrote: »

You know things are getting desperate when you find yourself watching Caravanner of the Year. I really know how to live.

Have you been watching "Boomers"? :rotfl:

whitewing

Lovely WaS, doesn't the fact that you are so upset show how desperately this thread and other mh discussions are needed in society. I think your friend could have handled the situation better but there could be a number of reasons why the situation panned out like it has. Perhaps she has become ill/had an emergency and it was easier to 'unfriend' you than risk you trying to contact her in an emergency when she is not able to give support. Maybe a partner has unfriended you with good intentions and she hasn't realised.

I sometimes have been open with people and haven't got a response that I was expecting. DH says that it is because a) it is so at odds with people's image of me and b) that people have no idea that such an unhealthy childhood can happen - it is beyond the realms of most people's experience. And mine is 'only' a bit of emotional neglect.

I would imagine she is just processing the info and you will hear from her again.

I am glad you posted it because I was thinking the other day about 'openness' and 'privacy' and 'oversharing' and my somewhat aspergic self could do with some rules around the matter. This is partly because I was having a discussion with someone who has upset his family. He believes in honesty but I suggested that he doesn't have to blurt something out as soon as he thinks of it. (This doesn't mean you shouldn't have been honest with your friend, WaS).

How do you lot pick your moments and choose who gets to know what - preferably with examples.

Pyxis

whitewing wrote: »

I am glad you posted it because I was thinking the other day about 'openness' and 'privacy' and 'oversharing' and my somewhat aspergic self could do with some rules around the matter. This is partly because I was having a discussion with someone who has upset his family. He believes in honesty but I suggested that he doesn't have to blurt something out as soon as he thinks of it. (This doesn't mean you shouldn't have been honest with your friend, WaS).

How do you lot pick your moments and choose who gets to know what - preferably with examples.

I've started thinking about this, and how to explain it. It's something that, in my case, came with experience, so now, it's virtually intuitive. Do make the odd mistake still!

Some of it is down to subconsciously thinking about how I would react if someone were telling me the thing that I might be about to tell someone.

Some of it comes from past experience of things being thrown back in my face by people I confided in.

I suppose the main safeguards are:
A) How well do I know this person? The less well I know them , the less they get told, or at least, the fewer details.
How long have I known them?
C) How have they reacted to/dealt with other stuff I've told them in the past?
D) How would I feel if what I'm about to tell them was passed on to other people?

The trouble is, all these thoughts happen in a flash, or over a short period of time, which is what makes it almost intuitive.


I'll keep thinking about it!

Wellyboots6

WaS, maybe she just found something you said a bit penguiny and she will be back in touch at some point when she can deal with it. We know from this thread that everyone's penguins are different and you aren't necessarily to know if you drop a CBP by accident.

whitewing

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/apr/27/brain-atlas-showing-how-words-are-organised-neuroscience

whitewing

Solitary confinement

I must try this, but please be careful if you are already feeling fragile - this may not be appropriate for some to try.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/apr/27/6x9-could-you-survive-solitary-confinement-vr

calleyw

Don't ask I am not tired so not in bed yet. Lodger not in yet I believe he is out with his non-gf :rotfl:

Well want to have a laugh. husband said he had dentist this morning and I said fine I will take you and then on to your coffee meeting if you pop some fuel in the car and buy me a coffee and cake. He agreed got there at 10am to find that it was 4.10 pm :rotfl:I do agree looking at the message it was misleading on his phone as the message looked like this

Wednesday 27th 16
10 pm

So he took the 16 to the year. But its 24hr clock so you would not use pm???

I had a very nice slice of bakewell tart with loads of almonds on the top. I was stuffed after that and a large coffee.

Anyway found this and think it sums me up



Pyxis, I am paper pusher. I just get so upright that I am doing something wrong even when I know that I am doing it right.

Something I need to work on. If I am careful I can manage with that I get from my lodger. Just got to get him to realise the reason I can do this is I have to be careful with money and not leave stuff on. No point having the internet on when no one is home!!!!

Penguin ED/Food

I have been very good since saturday and not binged. Mainly because I have not had my cards they are at my husbands. I am eating what I have in the house and using up stuff. Found a bit of thin frying steak that looked the worst for wear no idea how long it had been in the freezer and it had a bit freezer burn. Bunged it in the slow cooker and loads of gravy and it was lush!!!

When we went shopping yesterday I bought bleach and some mince so I can use up the pasta and jars of sauce I have in.

I was very good as well the other day. I don't buy mixed veg. Sp packed up some freezer bags with frozen vegs. So I only need to pull one bag rather than a number of them.

Penguin end

Also had a marathon session of deleting e-mails. I have stuff dating back to 2006. So deleted all confirmation of orders and payments and also my credit card and mobile phone statement reminders. Had they dating back 2/3 years. Can you tell I am hoarder LOL!!!

Any going to make a coffee. And looks like the lodger is going to be breaking his curfew of 1am!!!!

Yours

Calley

elsien

Fine thanks is my default setting for most people, and generally the closer they are the less I tell them. Not particularly healthy, I don't suppose, but I don't want things I've said to be interpreted wrongly and come back and bite me on the bum later.
I have a sibling and a friend I share most with if I need to. Sibling grunts and doesn't give any advice which suits me fine.:rotfl:

calleyw

Morning Shipmates,

Hugs and squishes and handshakes to all.

WaS I wonder if your friend feels guilty that you did not confide in her all those years ago. When you needed extra support she was unable to give it as she did not know. And now feels she has let you down now she knows the whole truth.

Well had about 4 hrs sleep. Up and showered and a load of washing on. Its bright sunshine here at the moment,. But anything can happen as we have had rain and showers yesterday.

Oh did I say that yesterday I started to tidy up in husbands garden. He was having a merry time ramming all the green waste in the bin. I don't think they will be able to empty it in two weeks time :rotfl:

want to do a few things in the garden today. Like bag some gravel so I can put the new weed fabric down and then tip the bags of gravel all bag :eek:

Right I hope everyone is well and you had a good as nights sleep as possible. And you have bright sunshine with you.

Yours

Calley

tea_lover

whitewing wrote: »

How do you lot pick your moments and choose who gets to know what - preferably with examples.

I tell no one anything. It's a flipping nightmare!